WWE: The Miz? John Cena? Who Cares? We Have Bigger Issues

Nick BolyardContributor IIINovember 26, 2010

With all this talk about John Cena being "fired" and The Miz winning the title, it seems some true problems are being lost in the hype.

Come on, we get to meet Juan Cena soon, and Miz won with MITB, he's going to be a transitional champion.  Problems solved!

However, we have bigger problems.  MAJOR ISSUES!  I would like to touch on these and perhaps even bring them to your attention.


Where's Zack Ryder?

Honestly, how could we all forget the Zack Attack?  Sure he isn't sporting those very unique, some would say interesting, tights anymore, but that's no reason to deprive us of Vitamin Z.  

Not only is Zack Ryder super tan, he also provides some of the most humorous and pointless backstage moments.  I'd like to start a petition for one Zack Ryder segment per week.  

Also, I demand Ryder to end the Undertaker's streak, and kick Juan Cena in his juevos.

If our demands are not met, we will attack you with the North.  Woo Woo Woo...you know it!


Vickie Guerrero

It's not her annoying voice or pointless presence that is the issue.  The problem is that she seems to be coming out with less and less clothing.  It is disturbing and some would say yucky.  

Vick, I am not a doctor but I don't think your arms should have the consistency of cottage cheese and when you walk to the ring I shouldn't be thinking "Hey, is that Liza Minnelli?"

If I had a John Madden screen skadoodle thing, I'd gladly point out where she needs more clothing, which would involve me just drawing a big circle around her.  

I think a nun gimmick would work out great for her, except she'd have to stop chasing blond, white boys.


The Miz's Hair

Forget his title.  Who cares?  The issue is beyond that, kids and douche bags everywhere are sporting the faux hawk.  Miz, Miz, Miz you are suppose to be setting a positive example for children.  

To subject them and have them mimic your "style" leaves them open for ridicule and possible swirlies.  Kids, tools, and idiots: faux hawks are not awesome (pun intended), they are a social sign that you lack individuality and common decency.  

As for the parents who allow their children to go out in public like that I say this:   SHAME ON YOU!!!



This one is important.  Every week Maryse comes out with Ted DiBiase.  That's fine. However, every week she ruins her own presence with her weird clothing.

Last week, I thought she skinned Chewbacca, made a horrid coat from him and rubbed a hooker all over her face.  In other words, WTF was up with the coat and the clown make-up.   It doesn't look good at all.

I could go on about how the two-time Divas champion is basically reduced to being DiBiase's gal pal, but we don't want Natalya or Beth Phoenix to eat her soul and possibly break her into many pieces.  

Maryse do you wear eight layers of make-up because it's Canadian Halloween? I am not sure what she is supposed to be, but it reminds me of that clown from the movie IT.


NXT Season 3

This may be the most pressing issue of all.  Who will win season 3 of NXT?  You know what? Even for sarcasm, this show can't be made interesting.  UNLESS...nope it still sucks.....DAMN!

Got more issues?  Please, feel free to bring them up via comment.  Please, no Miz WWE title bitching.  Seriously, I beg you.