Hooters Girls and Athletes: A Match Made in Heaven
Since the dawn of time, athletes have been drawn to reach the pinnacle of their sport. They dedicate their life to hard work so that they can be considered one of the elite performers in their area of expertise.
After that, though, it's all about breasts and beer.
We can glorify athletes as super-human or we can come to the conclusion that really they are just like you and me. Except, of course that they can run faster, jump higher and shoot under 100 on an 18-hole course.
But the link between athletes and Hooters waitresses is a special one. There is nothing quite like a woman that will take your order, bring you a beer and food, make you feel special, all while carrying around the equivalent of two Samoan babies in her tank top.
Well, it is about time that we salute the Hooters chain and its lifelong dedication to never let a fat man go hungry, or thirsty, or want of boobies.
The Hooters restaurant was made for a man like John Daly. A hedonist at heart, Daly has all he needs at Hooters. He has tasty food that is in no way good for you. A fine selection of beer that will get you super drunk.
Really, to Daly, the hot women are just icing on the cake.
Here is snowboarder Chris Klug presenting a Hooters check at his annual snowboarding charity event. I am really glad that Klug has taken the time to gather donations to clothe the almost naked Hooters girls.
Here they are in the dead of winter in nothing but their summer swimwear. So sad really, it is just so sad.
You see guys, it is true. Women secretly adore Hooters too. Here is renowned driver Danica Patrick getting her girl-on-girl action on.
Now that I think about it, maybe Danica just likes to pose for pictures.
No, I'm going to say it's the women.
Here is NCAA basketball honk Dick Vitale. I am sure the commercial that this is taken from does not feature Vitale being super annoying. I am absolutely positive this is not the case.
Has anyone else made a career out of being grating on the minds and ears of his listeners? Well, Dick Vitale has and he is a PTPer, Baby!
When Donovan McNabb is not too busy letting down Redskins fans, you can find him relaxing with hot Hooters women.
I think the hot Hooter in the middle is wondering how McNabb can consistently drive his team 60 yards only to throw an interception at the end. That is exactly what her eyes are telling me.
Sports analyst Jay Glazer writes for Foxsports.com and lounges with Hooters girls poolside. I write for Bleacher Report and am relegated to looking up Hooters girls online.
I guess it's the same with the smell of suntan lotion in here.
Here is another shot of John Daly. I am telling you that Daly loves himself the Hooters. They should change the mascot from an owl to just a big picture of John Daly.
Then, of course, you would have the problem of Hooters patrons thinking they are on a Hooters T-Shirt. That's because everyone in a Hooters looks exactly like John Daly.
I had no idea who Kalani Robb was before this article. It turns out he is a surfer. That's great and all but I am much more worried about the state of affairs of the sweater puppies to the left.
James Cameron needs to feature those as the main character in Avatar 2. Imagine those entities in 3-D.
Back when Orlando Hernandez was relevant, he would frequent the local Hooters establishment. Now I know where his fastball went. Every athlete must realize, booze and women are kryptonite.
Except for John Daly—he seems to get stronger with every psychical need he satiates. He is my hero.
Justin Duchscherer and Dan Meyer
Here we have fellow MLB pitchers Justin Duchscherer and Dan Meyer being absolutely tickled by something.
I really hope it's the Hooters girl and nothing else.
Here is former UFC champion Rich Franklin posing at a Hooters restaurant.
I want to have a moment of silence for the woman who chose to bend over in the middle of the picture. Thank you. Your accomplishments will always be treasured by us, the Bleacher Report faithful.
Smoking the ganja can make you hungry. When the munchies get you down, drive on down to your nearest Hooters.
You may even see Ricky Williams; he may be blazed too.
Here is Dontrelle Willis relaying a hilarious story to a pair of Hooters women. The story must include a tidbit about his bloated ERA, because that is hilarious.
The Rams starting quarterback should have no trouble getting the ladies. He has boyish good looks and an NFL paycheck to support even the most expensive habits.
Also, he plays for the good guys of the NFL, the St. Louis Rams. You very well can't do anything wrong when you are wearing a Rams jersey. Don't worry, I checked and Wikipedia says I am correct.
Yes, that is Eli Manning in the background. Right there, in the background behind the girls. Right in the middle.
You can't stop looking at the women can you? Yeah, I barely saw he was in this thing after 10 minutes of staring.
Well, when your done ogling these beauties, you may notice Jon Gruden on the left making a constipated face. I guess "Say, Cheese" has not quite taken off in his neck of the woods.
Here is Tiger Woods in a fun picture with a bunch of Hooters girls. This is roughly the amount of girls Tiger Woods had in any given week.
I guess marriage really never hurt his dating situation.
Here is Tim Tebow and his god squad. No wait, that's some of his Florida Gators players and Hooters girls.
Now what would God say about that? Oh yeah, he created Hooters. Never mind.
A group of San Deigo Padres rookies dressed in their Sunday best. This was part of a rookie hazing event.
Don't worry, the next couple of pictures will get the taste of this picture out of your mouths.
Here are some classic Hooters girls in a classic promotional pose. They are much prettier without an athlete messing up the picture.
Here is your last taste of Hooters. My Pulitzer should be in the mail.