The NFL Picks Column: Week 16

It's been brought to my attention that there are 1,001 NFL picks columns posted on the web every week. 

So why should you read mine?  I've come up with a few reasons.

1) My picture: Located on the top right side of this column is my picture.  Let's face it, I'm a sexy man.  Worth the price of admission right there.

2) I'm right more than everyone else: Sure, I went 6-9 last week, but if the teams played the way they were supposed to I'd have gone 15-0.

3) The Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy once called me a jealous sycophant.  I'm not sure what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's a compliment.  Right?

In all seriousness, I know there are a ton of the other really good NFL Picks columns out there—for example, Liver's Picks, which are extremely entertaining—and I appreciate you taking the time to read mine.

Now, on with the NFL Picks Column, holiday edition:

Dallas (-10.5) At Carolina

Anyone else find it a little odd that every time you see Jessica Simpson these days, her father is following her around like a maniacal puppy dog? 

Can't you picture him trying as hard as he can to convince her to date Romo?

"Look, hun...I know you're still hung up on that John Mayer guy, but Tony's the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys!  Just hang out a couple of times, get your picture taken, maybe let him knock you up. It'll be great for your career.  I smell another reality show!"

Jessica is one of the prettiest empty shells in the history of Hollywood.  Personally, I would have either stuck with Carrie Underwood—or pulled a Tom Brady and traded up to a super model. 

Point is, it's good to be Tony Romo.

Prediction: Dallas covers easily.

Cleveland (-3) At Cincinnati

Jamal Lewis has been fantastic for Cleveland down the stretch this season.

In his last four games, he's racked up 447 yards, 4.5 yards per carry, and two touchdowns. 

In his last game against the Bengals, he picked up 216 yards on 27 carries and a touchdown. 

It's time to clean house in Cincinnati.  I'm talking new front office, new scouting department, new coaching staff, and most importantly, new players—especially on the defensive side of the ball. 

There is no excuse for a team this talented to play this poorly. 

Proof positive that character is important when building an NFL team.

Prediction:  Cleveland wins and covers.

Green Bay (-8) At Chicago

Contrary to popular belief, the Bears need a heck of a lot more than a quarterback. 

They need all of the following, in no particular order:

• Quarterback: Although I said they need more than a quarterback, they really, really need a quarterback.

• Running back: Unless the other Adrian Peterson morphs into the real Adrian Peterson in the offseason, they should make picking up running back a priority.  Cedric Benson doesn't have what it takes, and Peterson is a part-time player at best.

• Defensive tackle: Someone who can help keep offensive linemen off Urlacher and company.

• Wide Receivers: lost in the fact that their QB stinks is the fact that their WRs have trouble catching the ball.

• Better coaching: Let's just say Lovie Smith hasn't had a stellar season.

The Packers need to win this game to keep their hopes alive for home field throughout the playoffs. 

Prediction:  Green Bay wins and covers.

Indianapolis (-7) Vs. Houston

Under normal circumstances, Indy would win this game handily.  

Under the existing circumstances, the game should be a little more interesting—from a gambling perspective, anyway.

(Not that I gamble...or advocate you doing it...I'm not even sure what the "lines" mean...leave me alone!)

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