To Whom It May Concern:

I was right.

The Athletic Department of Saint Louis University couldn't schedule a doctor's appointment, and lo and behold, the Grand Opening of the Centene Court at Chaifetz Arena at Saint Louis University of the United States of Father Lawrence Biondi of the Society of Jesus will be against the University of Missouri-Not-in-Columbia-but-the-local-campus-in-St. Louis-Tritons.

Local station CW11 won't even broadcast this game, so so much for the grandiose dreams of the student body and alumni who were wishing for ESPN GameDay coverage.
You won't see Dickie V body surfing among the twenty students and the 90 year-old trombone-playing priest who has been in the SLU Band longer than head coach Rick Majerus has been alive.
You won't be watching Erin Andrews being schmoozed by members of the kicked-off-campus Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, who have sworn their vengeance against Saint Louis University, in this life or the next.
So much for Digger Phelps rocking a Billiken Blue tie and matching highlighter, while watching Hubert Davis struggle to pronounce "Chaifetz."
So much for finding Reece Davis hung over a Humphrey's barstool at 3 A.M. while the bartenders scramble to get their digital pictures of him uploaded and sent to the editors at Deadspin.

We aren't going to win many games this year, Joe Billiken. In fact, the odds of us losing because of overlooking the Tritons (whatever the hell that is) are greater than preparing to host an Atlantic Coast Conference school in Boston College, a team that has to face both Duke and North Carolina twice this season.
Wouldn't that be a better scenario? Opening up a $100 million facility against a brother Jesuit school and not a subsidiary campus of the University of Missouri system?

SLU continues to amaze me. I have a sore neck from shaking my head at the 2008-2009 basketball schedule. It is a joke and I hope UMSL waxes our Centene Court with us. Thanks for the great schedule, SLU A.D. Chris May.
Love,
Metz