Mizzou’s first game is only a few days away and it is never too late to plan out your Saturday. Many will go into the day without an idea of what to do. These poor rookies are doomed because they go into the day full force and they are too screwed up to enjoy the game. They cannot savor the taste of sweet Victory Whiskey. The pros here at Mizzourah enjoy two things more than anything else; Boobs and Victory Whiskey. (Side Note: I am making it official as one of the co-founders of Victory Whiskey that it must always be capitalized)
Since the game is not until 7:30 pm (1930 for our military fans) you have plenty of time to get ready. Here is a list of what beers to drink and when to maximize your day.
0800 Sierra Nevada Wheat Beer. Get your ass up and make some pancakes. You need to start your day off right with some carbs. This beer is kind of hard to find but if you can find it, do it. It is not a heavy beer and is great for breakfast.
0900 Knock out some knuckle children, drop a deuce and shower up; you have more drinking to do.
0945 It’s time to get in some motivation and some crucial vitamins that your mom always said to have. Play a few games of NCAA and drink either Corona or Land Shark, put a lime in it. I know what you’re all saying, real beer does not have fruit in it, but again if you are saying that you are probably a frat retard or the fore mentioned rookie. Trust me on this, you don’t want scurvy.
1100 Turn on the VT vs. East Carolina game and open up a cold one. Here you still want to keep it light; go for Bud Light or Miller Lite. It will get you on the right track and poised to take on the nonstop football viewing. Don’t be afraid to have 3 or 4 because your girlfriend/wife will be nagging and asking you if this is all you are going to do all day.
1230 Ask your woman to make you a sandwich if she knows what is good for her. Once that does not work, order some pizza. Be a gentle man and get the little lady her favorite kind, this will smooth out the wrinkles since your are now going to start drinking a little more seriously. PBR is on the docket.
1430 Turn on the USC vs. Virginia game and take a nap. You deserve it! You have had a big day so far. This may seal the deal with your girl since the PBR is known to create vicious stank ass that has been outlawed by the USA since it falls into the Biological Warfare category. My dad drinks it nonstop and trust me; by 5 o’clock the paint on the walls start to peel off.
1630 Wake up and catch the end to the USC ass pounding they are giving Virginia. Go to the bathroom, and send out a few texts telling your friends that its almost game time and that they are gay. Get your Bud Select on. It’s a great choice that will take you into the game.
1800 Start up the grill…have your friends over and continue to drink the Bud Select.
1930 GAME TIME!!! Finally the wait is over. Sit down with your favorite meat off the grill. Go for a T Bone, you won’t be sorry. Right before kickoff, raise your glasses and toast to a great season and to chicks with great boobs. This is your time; I have prepared you to take on the day. You may have your drink of your choice as long as it is not a Zima or Smirnoff. Grow some balls for God’s sake. Enjoy some Victory Whiskey!