Do the San Antonio Spurs Have the Worst Fans in American History?

Lake CruiseAnalyst INovember 15, 2010

Do the San Antonio Spurs Have the Worst Fans in American History?

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    SAN ANTONIO - JUNE 10:  A San Antonio Spurs fan holds a sign during Game Two of the 2007 NBA Finals against the Cleveland Cavaliers on June 10, 2007 at the AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by d
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Which professional sports franchise has the worst fans in the history of recorded unsportsmanlike conduct?

    Reason with me on the San Antonio River Walk—if you have no fear.  One could be pushed into the creek—which masquerades as a river—for voicing unpopular opinions about the Spurs. 

    Make sure to take notes on your observations while we're reasoning.  The cops will ask for them during their investigation.

    Note: It's almost blasphemy to call your team "The Lord."  It is definitely not right to spell it in singular form.

    Are there other fans this brazen?  Maybe.  Read on to find out.  I love being a sports satirist. 

10. Florida Marlins: The Fish Saved Pittsburgh and Flopped in Florida

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    MIAMI - APRIL 06:  A Marlin fans shows his support after the Washington Nationals were defeated by the Florida Marlins on opening day at Dolphin Stadium on April 6, 2009 in Miami, Florida. The Marlins defeated the Nationals 12-5.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Gett
    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    Foul!  Illegal use of a sports venue—and a dash.  There aren't enough of you all who come to the games for me to write anything too negative.

    Being such a positive guy, I'm positively sure you all belong on this list.

9. Tampa Bay Rays: Let the Sunshine in Tropicana Field

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    ST PETERSBURG, FL - OCTOBER 07:  A Tampa Bay Rays fan reads the paper before Game 2 of the ALDS between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Texas Rangers at Tropicana Field on October 7, 2010 in St. Petersburg, Florida.  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)
    Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

    Refusing to show up to see an outstanding team shows outstanding nerve.  Vetoing a better stadium is even worse.

    Is there any argument?  I didn't believe so. 

    Next.

8. Chicago Cubs: Forget the Party for a Second in Favor of the Game

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    CHICAGO - MAY 30:  Fans arrive for the game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Chicago Cubs on May 30, 2010 at Wrigley Field in Chicago, Illinois.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    One word: Bartman. Or is that two?  The Cubs have plenty of fans who come to the game to drink adult beverages more than watch the game.

    The franchise has suffered from one of the longest title droughts in all of sports.  I blame their fans.  The fans blame their fans.

    One fan, Bartman, became an enemy of Cubs Nation.  How quickly North Siders turn on one of their very own.

    Get better at cheering—for your team's sake.

7. Oakland Raiders: Fear the Black Hole

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    OAKLAND, CA - OCTOBER 17:  Fans in the black hole cheer as Rod Smith #80 of the Denver Broncos and Charles Woodson #24 of the Oakland Raiders line up at scrimmage at the Network Associates Coliseum on October 17, 2004 in Oakland, California.  (Photo by Tr
    Travis Lindquist/Getty Images

    They have been reported to battle one another with broken beer bottles in the tailgate section.  Even if these are false reports, there are enough true ones to go around.

    Raiders have gotten beaten up by local rowdies.  What can enemy players expect?  The "Black Hole" is one place I would refuse to do a report from. 

    I'm kidding.  I'd love to report from there—but of course.  Risking life and limb to bring you the truth is what I do.

6. Los Angeles Dodgers: Dodge Ball Means Avoid the Game by Necessary Means

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 08:  Fans of the Los Angeles Dodgers cheer on their team against the St. Louis Cardinals in Game Two of the NLDS during the 2009 MLB Playoffs at Dodger Stadium on October 8, 2009 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/
    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    For years, they have been known to arrive late and leave early.  Even when their team is winning in bunches, the seats are half-full.

    There are many things to do in L.A. other than attend a stupid baseball game—obviously.

    It should be clear the Lakers own L.A., but the Dodgers' legacy of winning isn't shabby.  They deserve better than fair-weather fans.

5. San Francisco Giants: Getting Blown Away by the Bay

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    SAN FRANCISCO - NOVEMBER 01:  San Francisco Giants baseball fans celebrate the Giants World Series win at the Civic Center Plaza November 1, 2010 in San Francisco, California.  The Giants defeated the Texas Rangers 3-1 in game 5 to win their first title i
    Stephen Lam/Getty Images

    Several members of the media reported smelling Mary Jane spewing from the stands during this year's baseball playoffs.

    I realize M.J. is legal in some circles in California, but there is no excuse.  Blowing trees from the first base line stands is just a bit outside the lines of public decency.    

    I've heard of going green, but your team's colors are black and orange—not purple haze or blue magic.

    The San Francisco area is known for its hippies, but it's not cool to get the other team intoxicated with Indonesia smoke. 

4. New York Yankees: Are Uzzis Really Allowed Inside Their Stadium?

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    NEW YORK - AUGUST 04:  A fan of the New York Yankees holds up a banner in reference to Alex Rodriguez who earlier in the game against the Toronto Blue Jays hit his 600th career home run on August 4, 2010 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    One of the most winning franchises ever has long been accused of having the worst fans one can imagine. 

    Whoever says the Yankees fans—I call them "Jankees"—are the worst hasn't had any interaction with Spurs fans.  Can you guess where this is going?

    New Yorkers are known for their "wrongoing" rudeness in and out of sporting venues.

    My first experience in New York, upon emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel, was a New Yorker slamming both hands on my car's hood.  He was sporting a Yankees fitted cap.

    I guess I was an inch over the pedestrian crossing line.  For the record, guns are not allowed in Yankee Stadium—I'm serious.

3. Atlanta Braves: Show Some Bravado Once in a While

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    ATLANTA - OCTOBER 11:  Manager Bobby Cox #6 of the Atlanta Braves waves to the crowd after the Braves were defeated by the San Francisco Giants 3-2 during Game Four of the NLDS of the 2010 MLB Playoffs on October 11, 2010  at Turner Field in Atlanta, Geor
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    While the team was winning division title after division title, their home crowds got smaller and smaller.  Maybe it's gotten better, but I doubt it.

    Once fans gain a reputation for poor support, it is hard to change the public perception. 

    I'm keeping hope alive for you all.  I hope y'all help me out.  Go see a great team in the playoffs.  It's an honor.

2. Philadelphia Eagles: Santa Claus Is Coming Back for Revenge

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    ARLINGTON, TX - JANUARY 09:  Philadelphia Eagles fans pose on the concourse prior to the start of the 2010 NFC wild-card playoff game against the Dallas Cowboys on January 9, 2010 at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Image
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Any occasion of fans cheering an opposing player who is motionless on the gridiron deserves to be No. 1.  I have firsthand experience, however, with the worst fans ever to disgrace Earth.

    Not only did some of Philly snowball Santa back in the day, in these days they cheered when Michael Irvin was motionless on the field—how disgusting.

    These rooters turned the "City of Brotherly Love" into the harbor of hate and animosity. 

1. San Antonio Spurs: Wear Lakers Gear at Your Risk

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    SAN ANTONIO - JUNE 23:  Actress Eva Longoria celebrates with an unknown fan as the San Antonio Spurs defeat the Detroit Pistons in Game seven of the 2005 NBA Finals at SBC Center on June 23, 2005 in San Antonio, Texas. The Spurs defeated the Pistons 81-74
    Brian Bahr/Getty Images

    They don't hesitate to talk about your mother in comments if you post a column they disagree with.  They will also throw in gender slurs.

    Talk about unsportsmanlike conduct, they behave totally classless when their team wins—double disgusting.

    The term "Internet bully" is too good for some of these people.  I call them Internet thugs.  Tim Duncan—the classy Tim Duncan—is ashamed of some of these people's behavior.  

    Learn how to win and maybe the sports world will hold you all in higher regard.  As for Eva, she is cool with me.  She's a Lakers' Girl.