See that guy, running after that enormous, unstoppable juggernaut of a vehicle? That's me, chasing the UFC bandwagon.
I am a UFC virgin. Break me in, boys. Rock me. Take me down, get on top of me, ground me, pound me, I am ready to submit to your awesomeness.
You see, I grew up watching pro-wrestling. I say grew up; what I actually did was watch it throughout 2001 at the age of 14, just to catch the death of the glorious Attitude Era.
As with most fads in life, I was just a bit too late. While all my classmates were enjoying Stone Cold, DX, The Rock, et al, I was watching fucking Pokemon. FML.
I knew I'd missed all the good stuff, so like any diligent student of the game, I gave up. Post-WrestleMania X8, I was out of the game.
But as they say, deep within every man is a fighting-shaped hole. Seven years later, the combat void in my life opened up again. I ordered Royal Rumble 2009, and there began another two-year affair with WWE. I even dipped into TNA.
What have I learned?
Pro-wrestling is silly. Try as I might, my powers of suspending disbelief are not what they once were. Finding the shows too hammy, too predictable and too family-friendly, I was unsatisfied.
I was out in the cold, desperate for a new obsession in my life that I could cling to in an effort to drown out the savage mediocrity of life. Why couldn't wrestling be real?
I knew of a man. A legend. His name was Brock Lesnar. I remember that guy. I stopped watching WWE at about the time Lesnar made an appearance. He lasted with WWE about as long as I did, so I felt his pain.
So what's this I was hearing about him being the best legit fighter in the world? The baddest man on the planet? Wrestling...is real?
Brock Lesnar was the UFC Heavyweight Champion. I knew of UFC: the Ultimate Fighting Championship, the most popular brand of MMA (mixed martial arts), which I only knew as cagefighting.
I was aware of UFC, but I was not aware that it was awesome. UFC had become the place for jaded wrestling fans.
I heard whispers, people talking excitedly about Brock's fights, how he destroyed all challengers, and how he was now the single biggest draw in the sport.
And that's how I ended up watching my first UFC event, UFC 116. It was awesome. I loved it. I loved it more than my own beloved family. I wanted to change my name to UFC Abraham.
I wanted to liquidize UFC and inject it into my veins. I wanted to know anything and everything about UFC.
So here I am, lining up UFC 1-100 to watch, in order, to get me up to speed so I can catch that bandwagon, leap on board and cling on for dear life.
I will be writing about each one, how the sport has evolved, and how it's fucking awesome.