Last night on SportsCenter, Stuart Scott played presidential candidate Barack Obama one on one in hoops.

Stuart got worked by Obama, who looked like he had worse hips than Bo Jackson.  The whole game Stuart was kissing Obama's ass. Saying after every Obama shot, "great shot." Even though Obama's shot is uglier than Kevin Martin's.

Stuart, forget that you are playing one the most famous people in the world and compete. Also, SCOUTING REPORT: Obama only has a left! (think Lamor Odom at Rhode Island. Oh wait, think Lamor Odom anytime he has every touched a basketball).

Stuart, force him right and rip him. Just because he will probably be living in the White House doesn't mean you have to lay down.

If I was given the opportunity to play Obama, I would lock him up on defense.  I don't care who he is. Same goes is I played against Jason "J-Mac" McElwain, trust me he wouldn't be on Gatorade commercials. But that's for another article. Back to Obama. I would have blocked his weak floater and then go Dikembe Mutombo wag of the finger on him. Then, when I had the rock, I would:

1.) Post him up.

2.) Drop step on him.

3.) Elbow him in the chest

4.) Score

5.) Tell him to get his weak game off the court and fix our country's economy, so I can afford to lose more three team parlays on college football.

Now to the point of this article. I have the answer as to why Stuart was wearing goggles.

(On a side note, Stuart—if you are going to wear goggles can you please wear some Horace Grant on the Magic frames or Greg Carr Oakley style on the Jazz. Don't wear goggles that you look like you just found on the racquetball court.)

The following story is TRUE. I wouldn't be able to make this up.

Stuart Scott's eye is jacked up...

I would say it is pretty safe to say that most of you degenerates on Bleacher Report watch ESPN and SportsCenter an on a regular basis. 

Some of you probably watch the 3, 4, 5, and 6 AM, shows thinking maybe that top ten will change, or that tool-bag Tim Kurkjian has a different take on his report of guys who have the most career strikeouts in the seventh inning vs. lefthander pitchers born after 1985.  

That said, only the degenerates of all degenerates know why Stuart Scott’s right eye is so messed up compared to his left eye.

Scott’s eye is the way it is because he decided to put the cape on back in 2002 at the New York Jets training camp.

Then-Jets Head Coach Herman Edwards invited Scott onto the field.  Instead of watching the action from sideline like any non-athlete should do, Scott decided it would be cool to participate in some drills. 

Sure, one of the best perks of working for ESPN is going to events that most fans can only dream of or watch form afar.  So, Scott decided with his privileges to participate in wide receiver drills.

One of the drills Scott participated in was the drill where receivers have their back to the Jugs machine and must turn around quickly in order to catch the ball. Unfortunately for Scott, he has hands worse than former Oakland Raiders tight end Ricky Dudley.

Scott wore the ball right off the eye. He needed to get it removed and that is why he has a glass eye.

I’m not trying to dog Scott too hard, because he is battling cancer right now—but come on, if you’re not a NFL player, get off the field. 

Have your dreams like all the fans you talk to each and every night—just don't try to live them out.