August 27, 2008
This Travel Warning is being issued to update U.S. citizens on safety and security conditions in the NFC East. The temporary cooperation of peace in the NFC East has been lifted and pandemonium has now returned to the division.
The U.S. Department of State continues to recommend that private American citizens in the NFC East and those considering travel to NFC East cities evaluate their personal security situation in light of continuing threats from fan hatred and bragging. This Travel Warning supersedes the Travel Warning of Feb. 3, 2008.
Please take caution of shouts like “McNabb is the Glass Man!”, “Romo Chokes!”, “Eli’s a Fluke!”, and “Jason Campbell? Who?” Soldiers of rival cities have been given orders to take these men out, provoking riots throughout the NFC East.
The most dangerous of days will be on Sundays up to February 1, 2009, or when all militias of the NFC East have been extinguish, whichever date occurs first. Other dates of elevated risk are Sept. 4 and 15, Oct. 5, Nov. 3 and 27, and Dec. 15 and 20.
Please do not wear rival militia clothing while acquiring food rations for yourself and your group, whether it is the pizza of New York, the cheese steak of Philadelphia, the barbecue of Dallas, or the food specialty of Washington.
Wearing an adversary’s attire may cause taunting and bragging, especially during one armed force’s momentary triumph over the other.
Be careful when communicating with a citizen of the NFC East. Many inhabitants can have inflated thoughts of their region of the NFC East, and will take offense when doubted.