The End of Wrestling Fandom: Why I (We) Change The Channel To Football

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The End of Wrestling Fandom: Why I (We) Change The Channel To Football
The button on the remote goes click, click, click.

In a word, wrestling never sucked, but time does strange things to great pastimes. Excellence makes people complacent, and they forget what made them great in the first place. For the sake of argument let's discuss and muse about the reasons why we even complain. I know deep down you've thought about it too.

1. For some strange reason we all think WWE and TNA care about our opinion, but trust me they don't. As long as sponsors keep paying them for top billing they will not care.

2. We also think the wrestling talent care what we think about them (they do not). The talent is too busy staying "ring-healthy" and drugged out of their minds on pain killers so that they can make it through another Monday or Friday night.

3. Just like the gladiators of old, the wrestlers are at the mercy of their owners. When directed to prance about like idiots, they will, regardless of how much we despise their antics.

4. We remember the "good old days" when we would call in sick, or rearrange family activities around pay-per-views. Now we just ask a buddy what happened.

5. Jim Ross doesn't do the play by play anymore. JR added a human touch to the microphone that we all loved and identified with. Without him or someone like him it all feels commercial.

6. The McMahons don't care anymore. They have all the money they will ever need to take them through 100 generations of Connecticut elitists. Is is cold up there Triple H?

I am just a poor man your honor.

7. We thought that Hulk Hogan would be the real caretaker of wrestling long before he decided to prosper a lifestyle that embarrasses us all, and foster money making schemes at the forefront of every talent past Andre The Giant. Shame on you Hollywood Hulk...shame.

8. We also thought that pay-per-views would deliver fantastic entertainment beyond belief. In all reality we settled for less when Iron Mike Tyson delivered knockouts in the first and second rounds after we sat through scores of under-cards. We continue to settle for much less.

9. All the old-school talent has just been shipped off or ignored for their loyalties to the old ways. By the way it makes me want to throw-up to see Husky Harris (Black Jack Mulligan's grandson & Mike Rotunda's son, Barry Windham's nephew) working in The Nexus, it's just sad. And Dusty Rhodes' boys looking like overpaid fashionistas.

10. How in all that is good in the world does John Cena have the strength to look in the mirror every day when he follows all of the great entertainment that legends like Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Dusty Rhodes, Ric Flair, The Andersons, Bruno Sammartino etc.

11. Okay how much of my money do you get? Let's say I take my son to the show, we sit in the nosebleed section, but I still have to pay: $50 bucks for tickets, $20 to park where my car won't be robbed, $30 bucks for a t-shirt, $50 for a toy belt, and another $30 for hotdogs, popcorn, and drinks. That's $180...for that much money I want to be entertained and not just preached to for an hour and a half by some media-starved wannabe talent, nor do I want to hear some idiot talk for thirty minutes about what he's gonna do to Rey Mysterio at Survivor Series. To add to that let me present my next complaint.

12. The Divas: puhlease just stand there and look pretty. When I'm watching Raw at home, the minute the Divas start wrestling I open my laptop to check my email. Yes girls, your bickering and stage personas are that damn boring. And before you say it, no I'm not gay but, if I did want to watch two girls scrap it out I'd just tell my wife the mail-lady kicked her dog.

13. I wrestled a bit back in the day, and what I despised most about a fellow wrestler was letting his emotions get the better of him, allowing his performance to be lessened. If you lace up your boots then it's on you to earn your keep. Remember those folks out there paid to see your over-tanned face out there hamming it up, which leads me to the next one.

14. Sometimes the drama can be overdone. We know it's a soap opera for men, but don't go overboard when you're already swimming in poor method acting. Spend some of that money and take a few acting classes cause he's The MIZ!! and he's AWFUL!!! There are others, you know who you are.

15. Oh yeah can somebody please remove the idiot who sits next to Lawler? Hacksaw Jim Duggan could do a better job calling the ring.

16. For the talent: Do you think it would be possible for you stay out of trouble with the law? What you do on your own time is not your own business believe it or not. When my kid picks up a newspaper and sees your big mug all over the front page after being arraigned or arrested I have to explain to them why someone they have seen on TV since birth is doing illegal things.

I know you aren't perfect but, my rule of thumb is this: If you have an action figure that kids are going to play with, don't get busted for slapping around your girlfriend or wife, or caught for a DUI with a loaded gun in the car, and definitely don't get caught with meth or enough anabolic steroids to juice up an entire NFL team.

17. Speaking of drugs, don't stand in front of kids and preach the evils of drugs when your 25 inch biceps are about to explode all over the kids' gazing eyes.

18. One of the most despicable things I have ever seen or heard, was the behavior i witnessed as he and his Diva girlfriend complained moaned about visiting sick kids. Waiting until you have left the hospital before you complain about the time are spending visiting sick children. You know who you are, just stay home next time, I will make excuses for you.

19. I thought that when TNA hit the air that the shows would improve somewhat because the air-time was too crucial to even let a few viewers slip away, but alas I was mistaken. What does it take for the shows to improve?

20. Last but not least, McMahon should take either Smackdown or Raw off the air-waves. They both suck right now, and maybe just maybe if you concentrated all of your efforts into one show things might improve. Now shhhh, I know you have more wrestlers on your roster than you know what to do with, but maybe just maybe, there is a possibility that you could win a few fans back if tried a little harder.

P.S. Did I tell you the writing sucks?

 

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