You don't like stubble? Oh no, you nicked yourself with the razor.
Boo-hoo. Man up.
This beard-in-training would like to welcome you to no-shave November, a month that only applies to facial hair (thank God). It's a month where beards, mustaches and Fu Manchus alike are revered for their contribution to hilarity world-wide.
That contribution is bigger than ever in sports.
When the New York Islanders introduced the playoff beard in the 1980s, the sports world finally had something more distracting than the NBA's short shorts. The tradition spread from hockey across all sports, finding a home on some of the world's biggest athletes.
It's considered lucky. Like a penny. Or O.J. Simpson.
So in honor of this great month, which my semi-professional sarcasm consultant brought to my attention, let us celebrate the greatest beards in playoff history. The key word is 'greatest,' because that can be taken in so many different ways.
Time to get hairy.