Did you see it?
If you've been watching the Olympics—and who hasn't watched some of it—then you could not have let the NBC promo for Notre Dame football escape unnoticed.
Did you cry? Did you faint? Did you say to yourself, "who gives a #%^%$ if it's Notre Dame, it's football, baby."
"College Football's most storied program...makes a return to the elite." Let the smack begin!
Did you just realize it's been over seven months since the last college football game (and no, ESPN's classics don't count as watching college football—it's not live!)?
Did you notice the green hues in the commercial? The somber fall atmosphere? Did you break out in a rash?
It's here, my friends: college football week. We have waited over seven months for this magical time of the year. It's now here. Relax. Inhale it. Celebrate it.
Get your checklist out.
10. Your grocery check list should include the following: brats, beef, chips, salsa, guacamole, Cheez Whiz, cold pizza, cold cuts, potato chips and ranch dip, coleslaw, potato salad, brownies, Fritos and bean dip, some sort of pulled pork for sandwiches, Alka-Seltzer, and Tylenol.
9. Hit Costco or Sam's Club: Bloody Mary Mix, vodka, celery, and beer. The Bloody Marys are for before 12 noon, beer for after. Hardcore football fans should ignore Bloody Mary mix and go straight to beer the second they roll out of bed. Wear your old raggedy football jersey so you can wipe your mouth on your sleeves and avoid having to get up and get napkins and possibly miss a close-up of cheerleaders.
- B/R Ticket Guide
8. A credit card (preferably with a zero balance and high limit) for the wife, girlfriend, or significant other to go shopping all day while your bottom is stuck in the La-Z-Boy chair. Encourage her to go to Victoria's Secret so you can check out her new purchases at halftime.
7. A large, soft pillow or couch cushion to beat your fists into when your team has apparently forgotten it's a real game and not a scrimmage. Yellow hankies to hurl at the television set are an added necessary accessory when the dreaded "offsides," "illegal procedure," "illegal substitution," "encroachment," or "false start" penalties are called on your team numerous times.
6. Your trusty old football to caress in your hands to keep you focused. Can also be used to toss through windows when the spread is 42 points and your team decides to sit on the ball for the last two minutes while leading by 40 points on the opponent's 10-yard line.
5. A new coach's shirt. Every fan must spend the requisite 65 bucks for the shirt that his favorite team's coach wears on the sideline. This is non-negotiable.
4. Adorable cheerleaders outfits for your daughters. Nothing makes a football game more complete than having your little girl dressed like a Crimson Tide cheerleader and parading around screaming, "Roll, Tide, Roll" (you trained her so well!) after you've fumbled the opening kickoff.
Save the outfits for Halloween if your team is on a win streak. Nobody will mess with her.
3. Subscription to your local cable company's college football package. Otherwise, spend 60 bucks in a bar every Saturday and then do the math. Don't get cheap. Buy the package and know that you won't miss any worthwhile football games. You're welcome.
2. A workable alarm clock. This has a two-fold function. For West Coast fans: Set your alarm for 6:45 AM so you have time to get some coffee going (don't forget to add the Kahlua to it) while you wait for the 7 AM College GameDay Show.
For East Coast fans, set your alarm clock on the snooze setting to go off every 15 minutes after 10 PM so you can keep awake and watch the Boise State, Hawai'i, and Fresno State games. Who cares if you don't follow those teams? This is your chance to watch football for 15 hours straight. Are you a fan or not?
1. A laptop computer to start the smack. Come on! You know the second your team beats Georgia Southern, you will be online looking for any article that has been written about them.
Start commenting, start blogging, start delivering some beatdowns to your team's rival—who hopefully lost—and be the obnoxious jerk we know you will be after emptying a keg of beer and having a few Bloody Marys to avoid a hangover on Sunday.
It's all about the experience. It's all about the first week of college football. You've got all this pent-up frustration, and now, in three days, you can let it all go. Enjoy it. You earned it.
And I'll be waiting for ya Thursday night.
IT'S TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2 months ago
Hey Lisa,
There's something just a little too twisted for this cowboy when it comes to #4. Somehow watching someone else's daughter has so much more appeal than the thought of watching either of mine.
Then there's the DVR thing. One must clear out all the saved "King of Queens" episodes so there is maximum storage available. Remember, with so many games being broadcast in HD this coming season, monitoring the storage space is a must so you don't miss a thing.
And getting up for napkins? Are you kidding me?
Is it Thursday yet?
Great read Lisa!
Lew
from 2 months ago
Clearing out "King of Queens?" I've been clearing out last year's College GameDay shows, some of last season's games, and most of this month's College Football Live episodes.
No, I don't have a problem, why do you ask?
2 months ago
I give up...what's King o Queens?
from 2 months ago
Must be some kind of poker or something.
Another piece of artistry from you Lisa, just a terrific story.
2 months ago
Thanks for the morning chuckle, I have a few of my own as well and have had to get rid of some as they became jinxed. ;)
2 months ago
Good read. Now you wouldn't be taking some sort of shot at Bama in #4, would you???
#8 was great. I'll need to call my credit card company and see if they will raise my limit.
2 months ago
Fun list. A nice mixture of regional foods in #10.
I have some beef with #5 though. That shirt is reserved for preps and boring old pple, two groups of pple lacking "edge". I can't believe you make it so necessary. For pple who aren't so concerned about being "reserved" or "well-received", you can wear anything with your colors on it. Hard core fans don't have to wear a jersey every time, but they should at least have one. Extra points if it's the jersey of a past player.
Good list though, I'm stoked!
2 months ago
aaaaaahwhyisn'titthursdayyet?iwanttowatchsomecollegefootball!
Nice article. I can't wait for this season to finally get started.
2 months ago
Notre Dame. What a waste of 3 hours of network college football coverage. Do you know how many cool games we are going to miss? I won't pay for the satellite expanded coverage until they get them all in HD. How spoiled is that?
from 2 months ago
I think Raycom/Lincoln Financial/Jefferson Pilot actually try to make the games look fuzzy and from the 80's.
2 months ago
Nice article. I can't wait for thursday!!
2 months ago
Football season is truly the most wonderfull time of the year
2 months ago
Nice article. It just makes me more antsy for Thursday to get here.
Regarding #3 - with the Big Ten Network being free, I no longer subscribe to the Game Plan. This saves me $100/year which I can then spend on more beer, tequila and snacks. Sure, I miss a few games this way but I get all the Big Ten (OSU) games that the big networks don't pick up. Honestly, I get enough other big games on the major networks that I don't really miss the Game Plan.
Let's get this party started!!!
2 months ago
Thursday night's game is like when your parents let you open a xmas present early. Friday night is like Xmas eve, and Saturday, sweet Jesus!!! Football is here! Lock the doors, hide the kids, sit down and shut up, IT IS FOOTBALL TIME!
from 2 months ago
This might be the quote of the year! I defy anyone to sum up this weekend any better than Michael has.
Sweet Jesus is right!
from 2 months ago
Dang...that was just outstanding insight...we all can relate to that comment. You are beautiful!
2 months ago
As always great work. One thing left out. Load the sportsbook account up and start start betting away pay checks. Always makes college football more fun when you bet right and a lot more painful when you bet and lose.
2 months ago
Why can't Bama/Clemson be on Thursday night? That would be a GREAT tune-up game.
2 months ago
Great article Lis! Can't believe it's finally here!
2 months ago
Good article, Lisa. I can't wait for the season to start!! Thursday is coming fast!
2 months ago
Awesome Article!
2 months ago
Lisa...Thank you!
As a baseball fan, totally engrossed in the late summer race to the pennant, I sometimes find myself too distracted to get immediately psyched about college football. I'm not sure how I stumbled upon your article, but I'm sending it to all my friends and hanging it on the wall by my desk.
Your list makes me hungry for fall Saturdays!
Thank you, again!
from 2 months ago
Don-
Kewl! Stop by anytime to vent or celebrate. :)
from 2 months ago
Engrossed in the late summer race pennant?
What does that mean?
:)
2 months ago
Gamedays are Beer days......Oh wait, I'm still underage. Sh*t!
Great article, *****. The olympics were great but football is my life, so I can't wait.
2 months ago
NICE!!!!
One thing my wife and I have to do is notify the eldery neighbors that 1) football season is here, and 2) we are not fighting despite the yelling and cussing coming from our house beginning on Thursday night and ending on Monday night, so please don't dial 911 to report a domestic in progress. LOL.
from 2 months ago
Love it! Good point about being proactive.
2 months ago
love the article Lisa....but I'm not checking out my girlfriends underwear at halftime. That'll have to wait for after the game. :)
2 months ago
Great read Lisa.
Question to Bleacher Report: How can anything but an NCAA Football article be on the front page during opening week? No offense to Andrew, I love his writing, but this is FOOTBALL WEEK!!! Let's get with the program!!!
from 2 months ago
you guys are having a hard time staying relevant this week.
2 months ago
Awesome article Lisa. My paper chain is down to four links!
2 months ago
Can I save this for December?
from 2 months ago
Of course! :)
2 months ago
#9 - Bloody Marys and beer? Hope you get to make it down here sometime soon. WHISKEY!!!
Great gameweek article.
from 2 months ago
SEC...nothing sounds better than partying down in the South during football season. I'll email ya if I get down there!
2 months ago
Lisa, how are you able to think like a guy? Although, I guess it's not too hard, is it? :P Great article. Bring on the real football. No more of this preseason NFL stuff.
from 2 months ago
Daniel-
I wouldn't know how to think like a guy. I'm a chick. But I guess that's a compliment? Haven't watched any preseason NFL...am a Raiders and Redskins fan..if they stink preseason then they usually do well in regular season...yep, I am a fan of psychotic teams.
from 2 months ago
I know you're a chick. I was saying it wasn't hard because guys are pretty simple. But those descriptions were spot on. Sorry for the confusion there.
2 months ago
If we fumble the opening kickoff I'm blaming Lisa.
from 2 months ago
RT-
Don't blame me! I'm rooting for the Tide! HUGE!
I want to see you get your mojo back. In fact, I just wrote an article for FOXSports.com and ya'll are mentioned in it. It runs some time this week. Don't know exactly when, I never know, but I think this week sometime. (insert confused look here) I'm starting to lose track of what runs when, but check it out- you might like it.
2 months ago
Great read Lisa - and even better pix selection!
Only item I can't agree with is #5 - gotta stay with the team jersey look. Picked up a new USC #10 Brian Cushing - had to explain to a clueless store clerk it was NOT a JD Booty jersey.
He was a bruin fan, so what can you expect. When leaving the store, he was vacumning so I just had to point out it was the highest and best use for a ucla grad.
2 months ago
Roll Tide, girl.....
2 months ago
Excellent read- you pretty much nailed it. Saturday cant come soon enough. It becomes clear why one forges ahead through the rest of the boring year.
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