In the light of a—well in my view anyway—fairly uneventful Valencia Grand Prix, here are some funny and stupid quotes from Martin Brundle from 2001-2006. Hope they give you a chuckle anyway...
"You have to pretend you’ve really noticed that yellow flag. Remember what Mika Hakkinen used to do: he used to put his hand out of the cockpit to say, ‘Yeah, I’ve seen it,’ but keep his foot hard on the throttle pedal."
"If Michael does a victory leap on the podium, I’m personally gonna go and punch him."
"Scary thing about Raikkonen is he doesn't even look 21, does he? I think he'd get thrown out of a few pubs in the UK."
"Jean Todt: the Master Yoda of the Ferrari team."
"Raikkonen's rear tyre decided to take the short cut through the barrier there and cut about half a mile out and make its own way back to the pits."
"Fisichella is now 30 years old, no longer a young man, and he needs to be cutting the mustard pretty soon in his mustard-coloured Jordan.”
“No doubt there’ll be a bit of blue sky and some sunshine any time soon for Michael Schumacher’s lap—that’s how it normally works out, doesn’t it?”
“With that sort of dexterity, I reckon Alonso could get a job driving a transit van round the M25.”
“There’s been a lot of calls this last five years to ban all Germans in red cars—they’ll be wanting to ban Spaniards in blue cars next.”
“I never used to read that lollipop—you don’t actually sit there and go, ‘Oh, right, OK, brake,’ and ‘I’d better put a gear in.’ I don’t know why it’s on there really.”
“Kimi’s not up for talking to me, which 10 percent of me says, ‘Grumpy little sod;’ 90 percent says, ‘I really don’t blame him’.”
“I’m not sure what else you could say to a racing driver that could possibly be worse than, ‘You’re too slow’.”
“A Formula 1 car is one of the best hoovers in the world.”
“The Racing Drivers’ Book of Excuses has already gone to print for this year."
(Watching the drivers being weighed)
“You have to remember to hold your crash helmet and your gloves and all the goodies – and then if you’re really crafty, you can hold a bottle of water in your hand and add a little bit more to your weight as well.”
“Massa wins the ‘most awake’ prize.”
“Listen to the traction control babysitting him through the corner.”
“Kimi Raikkonen’s down here somewhere—let’s see if we can get two or maybe even three words plus VAT out of him today.”
(Monteiro and Sato give different explanations of their tangle.)
“It’s a bit like a primary school playground, isn’t it? ‘It wasn’t me, it was him!’”
And lastly, you're not a true F1 fan if you don't remember this one:
Martin: “Kimi Raikkonen doesn’t seem interested in the proceedings going on up there. Kimi, you missed the presentation by Pele.”
Kimi (nonchalantly): “Yeah.”
Martin: ”Will you get over it?”
Kimi: “Yeah. I was having a shit.”
Martin: “OK, thanks for that! Obviously, you’ll have a nice light car on the grid, then.”
Oh well, hope you had fun reading.