The Notre Dame Leprechauns
Considering the current state of affairs in big time college football, it is apparent that some of the old team nicknames need to be replaced.
I’ve come up with a list of 25 teams. Feel free to add to it:
1. The Texas Bovines = No self-respecting Longhorn would want to be associated with this Texas team but a bovine is just a cow. Weasels was my second choice.
2. The Auburn Camels = After Cam Newton, they can go back to being the Little Brothers.
3. The Georgia Believers = “We believe Coach Mark Richt will guide Georgia to the BCS championship. We really do. Honest.”
4. The Tennessee Road Crew = If you saw them slinging weeds on the roadside, you’d not give it a second thought. Come to think of it, maybe you have seen them.
5. The Alabama Chosen Ones = Just ask them. No, maybe you shouldn’t.
6. The Ole Miss Invertebrates = Only because Banana Slugs was already taken.
7. The LSU Envy = Forget about it. Coach Saban is not coming back to Whoville.
8. The Florida Newts = Gators are mean and tough and scare folks. The Florida Newts fit this team better.
9. The Mississippi State English Bulldogs = Maybe one day they can grow up to be real bulldogs, but I don’t think so.
10. The Vanderbilt π r Squares = If I need to explain it, you won’t understand it.
11. The Arkansas Warthogs = They win ugly and they lose ugly. And often.
12. The South Carolina Roosters = They scratch and peck and crow a lot, and that’s about it.
13. The USC Bushwhackers = They only wish they could have Bush whacked.
14. The Boise State Little Boise = Play a real schedule, drop the ‘we’re entitled’ attitude and, most especially, lose the blue turf. Then you can become Big Boise.
15. The Oregon Chameleons = A dozen different uniforms. Really? Pick one, use it, and try to build a tradition instead of an extra closet.
16. The Penn State Joe’s = It is what it is.
17. The Miami Storm = they’ve not reached hurricane strength in years and the Miami Storm sounds better than the Miami Tropical Depression.
18. The Hawaii Ke-ua-a-ke-po = Ke-ua-a-ke-po is the Hawaiian spirit of fire and rain so it is an appropriate name. I just want to hear Verne Lundquist try to pronounce it.
19. The UCLA Ghosts = To begin the game, the football team could run onto the field hidden by a veil of fog. Wait…they do that already.
20. The Texas A&M Bulls = No matter how hard they try, they won’t ever be Longhorns.
21. The Nebraska Santa Anas = If they never see Texas again, it will be too soon.
22. The Utah Stealth = Hey! Over here! We’re over here!
23. The Oklahoma Texahomans = If it weren’t for Texas, they couldn’t field a football team.
24. The Notre Dame Leprechauns = Fighting Irish would imply that they're Irish and they fight. Notre Dame really isn’t, and they really don’t.
25. The Ohio State Bridesmaids = Enough said.