25 Teams That Need New Nicknames: Texas, Alabama, Notre Dame, Boise and More

Ardemus MonroeContributor INovember 27, 2016

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Considering the current state of affairs in big time college football, it is apparent that some of the old team nicknames need to be replaced. 

I’ve come up with a list of 25 teams.  Feel free to add to it:


1. The Texas Bovines = No self-respecting Longhorn would want to be associated with this Texas team but a bovine is just a cow.  Weasels was my second choice.

2. The Auburn Camels = After Cam Newton, they can go back to being the Little Brothers.

3. The Georgia Believers = “We believe Coach Mark Richt will guide Georgia to the BCS championship.  We really do.  Honest.”

4. The Tennessee Road Crew = If you saw them slinging weeds on the roadside, you’d not give it a second thought.   Come to think of it, maybe you have seen them.

5. The Alabama Chosen Ones = Just ask them.  No, maybe you shouldn’t.

6. The Ole Miss Invertebrates = Only because Banana Slugs was already taken.

7. The LSU Envy = Forget about it.  Coach Saban is not coming back to Whoville.

8. The Florida Newts = Gators are mean and tough and scare folks.  The Florida Newts fit this team better.

9. The Mississippi State English Bulldogs = Maybe one day they can grow up to be real bulldogs, but I don’t think so.

10. The Vanderbilt π r Squares = If I need to explain it, you won’t understand it.

11. The Arkansas Warthogs = They win ugly and they lose ugly.  And often.

12. The South Carolina Roosters = They scratch and peck and crow a lot, and that’s about it.

13. The USC Bushwhackers = They only wish they could have Bush whacked.

14. The Boise State Little Boise = Play a real schedule, drop the ‘we’re entitled’ attitude and, most especially, lose the blue turf.  Then you can become Big Boise.

15. The Oregon Chameleons = A dozen different uniforms. Really?  Pick one, use it, and try to build a tradition instead of an extra closet.

16. The Penn State Joe’s = It is what it is. 

17. The Miami Storm = they’ve not reached hurricane strength in years and the Miami Storm sounds better than the Miami Tropical Depression.

18. The Hawaii Ke-ua-a-ke-po  =  Ke-ua-a-ke-po is the Hawaiian spirit of fire and rain so it is an appropriate name.  I just want to hear Verne Lundquist try to pronounce it.

19. The UCLA Ghosts = To begin the game, the football team could run onto the field hidden by a veil of fog.  Wait…they do that already.

20. The Texas A&M Bulls = No matter how hard they try, they won’t ever be Longhorns.

21. The Nebraska Santa Anas  = If they never see Texas again, it will be too soon.

22. The Utah Stealth = Hey!  Over here!  We’re over here!

23. The Oklahoma Texahomans = If it weren’t for Texas, they couldn’t field a football team.

24. The Notre Dame Leprechauns = Fighting Irish would imply that they're Irish and they fight.  Notre Dame really isn’t, and they really don’t.

25. The Ohio State Bridesmaids = Enough said.