WWE: The REAL Stupid List (More Serious Than You Might Think)

Nick BolyardContributor IIIOctober 19, 2010

John Cena knows he's the number 1 stupid thing in WWE
John Cena knows he's the number 1 stupid thing in WWEJ. Meric/Getty Images

Oh boy, where to begin?  What is WWE doing that is "stupid"?  Well I could just simply write an article about John Cena's superhero gimmick, or Daniel Bryan's dancing on Raw last night....man I was begging for Edge to come stop that painfully stupid segment.  So I figure I'll just start listing things in no particular order with no particular reason (much like WWE's angles as of late).


1) Paul Bearer's Return and His Flashlight Urn (it rhymes!) 

First of all, wasn't Paul Bearer suppose to of been dead?  However, due to the magic powers of the Undertaker (he's like a giant scary Jedi of some sort) Paul Bearer rose from the dead.  Great, because I missed listening to his annoying voice and looking at a guy who looks more like the Micheline Man's dad rather than Undertaker and Kane's.  

Then to make things worse, he had to bring his stupid urn with him.  It must be some kind of security blanket...no wait it is in fact a night light.  At Hell in a Cell (a PPV in which the highlight was Layla throwing shoes at Natalya) he opened the urn to blind the Undertaker with a mystical power of a tiny LED light...sick S.O.B.  Can we please put Paul Bearer back in his tomb?


2)  Jack Swagger's Mascot

The Swagger Soaring Eagle (sorry I don't know how to type a lisp).  Frankly, anything Swagger does is stupid. Don't get me wrong, he's a heck of a wrestler and a great Wal Mart version of Kurt Angle (confirmed by adding the ankle lock as a finisher).  

As a former World Champion, I wouldn't think he'd be reduced to walking around with a guy in a bird costume as a gimmick.  Maybe they realized people were catching on that an accomplished amateur wrestler who brings that skill to the ring, very cocky, and uses the ankle lock was reminded people of a certain TNA wrestler too much.  So they give him a bird.  God help us!  


3) Dolph Ziggler/Vickie Guerrero

First of all, Vickie looks like the love child of Rosie O'Donnell and Jabba the Hutt (second Star Wars reference of the article...yes).  What exactly does Dolph Ziggler bring to the table?  Well he used to be a member of the Spirit Squad...that's not a good thing.  My suggestion is this: get a personality.  I know Vickie is Eddie's widow but seriously make her and her nails-on-a-chalkboard voice go away.  Please.


4) Michael Cole and the Computer

How I HATE that computer!  How I HATE the sound of Michael Cole's voice saying "And I quote..."  Honestly, I hate the sound of Michael Cole saying anything at all.  I'd rather listen to Joey Styles say "OH MY GOD" on a loop than to listen Cole jack it to Miz and Vickie Guerrero.  

In fact, Cole was only good for the original DX to harass and for The Rock to cover with his shirt while The Great One spoke.  Also, for some reason he is now on SmackDown too.  WHY GOD WHY?!?!?!?!  Todd Grisham and Michael Cole?  What did we do to deserve that?


5) Vince McMahon 

Vince have you lost you mind?  Crappy storylines? 23,045 PPVs a year?  NXT? Michael Cole on every show?  I'll let you all decide what is exactly the worst of that list.  Oh did I mention TV-PG?  Oh yea.  Thanks for getting rid of the the funny jokes and the conflict that built personal rivalries, such as The Rock and Stone Cold.  Thank you for ruining Hell in a Cell matches. That was sarcasm.  Let's hope Linda loses and things start to change.


Feel free to add to the list of stupid things...in fact I encourage it.