Why Green Bay Packers Fans Hate the Bears

It's Bears Week again.

Every Packer fan in the Cheesehead Nation is fully aware of this—which means that it won't be a necessarily good week.

It's not like the week will be intolerable for cheeseheads, or anything, just uncomfortable. You probably don't want to cut one off in traffic this week.

It's not like the cheesehead will go postal on anyone—no, cheeseheads are content with just shooting deer; it's more like how you would feel if you had to eat celery all week. Only celery. And nothing else. For every meal. All week. You'd do it, but you wouldn't be happy about it.

What will be on every cheesehead's mind all week just is how much they hate the Bears. This is a fact. So I thought I'd put together a few of the countless reasons why we hate the Bears to relieve some of the gnawing angst we all feel this week. Here are five reasons we Packer fans hate the Chicago Bears:

1. They are from Chicago.

Nothing good comes out of Chicago. Never has. In fact the only good things to come out of the entire state of Illinois were Abraham Lincoln and Ray Nitschke. Even Santa Claus hates Chicago. He hasn't been there since 1947. And if you are on Santa's bad side, and you live outside of the state, you will get Chicago Bear jerseys and paraphernalia for Christmas. It is worse than getting coal.

2. Dick Butkus

Some of this isn't necessarily Dick Butkus' fault. It is the media's. Because somewhere down the line, the media decided that Dick Butkus was a better linebacker than Ray Nitschke. It certainly wasn't the NFL. For when both Butkus and Nitschke were playing ball, it was not Butkus who was named by the NFL as the best linebacker in the NFL's first 50 years, but Ray Nitschke.

Butkus was a monster. Because a man possesses inhuman bestial qualities, however, does not make him the better linebacker. The main differences between Nitschke and Butkus are that Nitschke would tear your head off, whereas Butkus would tear your head off, then eat it. Nitschke would knock you silly with a broken leg; Butkus would knock you silly with his mother's broken-off leg.

Nitschke played with his heart; Butkus played with his teeth. Vince Lombardi could speak English to Ray Nitschke and Ray would follow orders. George Halas would have to speak in grunts and gutteral noises to Butkus because Butkus could not speak human language, and then have Butkus follow the smell of meat.

Sure, it might be true that Butkus ate some five or six players from opposing teams, but he certainly was no Ray Nitschke.

3. Al Capone/Geraldo

It is common knowledge in Wisconsin that Chicago people come up north to Wisconsin for vacations. I "FIB" you not.

It's not that I blame them for wanting to get out of Illinois—any human-rights group would support such an exodus—but why do these people have to come to Wisconsin? They come up and start trying to boss everyone around, rubbing everybody the wrong way, acting like they own the place and try telling everyone what to do. But the cheeseheads just laugh at these clowns.

Well, this practice has been going on for quite some time; probably for as long as Chicago has been unbearable for even Chicago people, and they have needed an escape. Certainly, it was true back in the day when Chicago's most famous gangster—that is, who wasn't named Daley—used to come up north for some R & R. Yes, Al Capone used to head to Wisconsin for some time away from violin parties and tommy-guns.

Now this was common knowledge to the locals. But then Geraldo Rivera had to bring his entire production crew into the state, so he could open Al Capone's secret vault. It was a nationally-televised event, complete with all the extravaganza of a major promotion.

And what did the event produce? What was in Al Capone's secret vault?

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So Al Capone and Geraldo made us cheeseheads sit through an entire broadcast of false promises, completely wasting out time. Unacceptable. Unforgivable.

4. Refrigerator Perry

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