Marisa Miller: Why She's the Best Hire the NFL Has Ever Made

RM Herold@@BR_RollinAnalyst IApril 11, 2017

Marisa Miller: Why She's the Best Hire the NFL Has Ever Made

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    There's a reason why guys love the NFL. It's because the commissioner Roger Goodell is like the big brother we always wanted.

    He climbs mountains, looks like he hits the weights, and he likes hot women. Or so I can assume by the recent decision to name Marisa Miller as the new NFL Spokesperson.

    How do you combat the the critics who say that the Jenn Sterger and Ines Sainz situations were bad for the Shield's image?

    You come back harder and quite possibly hotter.

    Here are more reasons why the NFL and their new hire rules.

10. Great For Publicity

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    Everyone is talking about the new NFL spokesperson. But would anyone care if it were some ex-player or some actor who would do it in their time off or is looking for a career bump?

10. Great For Publicity (cont'd)

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    No. But since she is hot and it gives everyone reporting the story a chance to flash her picture, everybody wins!

9. Excitement

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    And I just don't mean from me.

    Miller said in a statement:

    "I am so excited to have this incredible opportunity to partner with the NFL."

    If we're not happy when MM is happy, we'll never be happy.

About That Last Reason...

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    Not sure it made any sense, but this pic should clarify things. We were talking about excitement, I think.

8. Endless Possibilities

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    Now that MM is on the NFL payroll, there are a million out of the box ways they can use her.

    She can do a piece on fantasy football, wearing something like this.

    I might watch.

Another Possibility

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    She could take over one of the anchor chairs at

    Would anyone mind this?

7. Less Controversial

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    In a related topic, at a recent news conference, Ines Sainz said the following words:

    "I'm not going into the locker rooms anymore... It's not a good place right now for me. I don't want to be in there."

    Now, the comedic places one could go with calling a press conference and saying those words, makes my tongue bleed from biting it so hard.

    But I don't want to risk getting banned from the site for saying something insensitive.

    So I'll just move on.

Marisa Helps Us Forget

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    Our new spokesperson will help us forget that ugly incident.

    More importantly...

6. No Locker Room Incidents

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    Miller has been around sports and athletes for a while, after appearing in magazines with jocks and on Fox Sports several times.

    And more importantly the guys know her, so they won't try anything funny.

Lessons Learned

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    The other reason no shady business will happen is that every team in the league knows what the wrath of Goodell looks like, and no one wants to feel it.

5. Possible Perks

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    One of the possible perks of this, is that she might encourage other females to embrace football, and then whole families, so that it becomes a uniting event in our society.

    (Wow, that was good)...

World Peace

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    Then maybe females around the world. And wars might stop in order to see who the next NFL spokesperson is...

    And if future spokespersons look like her, well damn it, we'll just have to live with it.

4. She Loves Football

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    Miller loves her 49ers and said in her NFL statement that "I've grown up watching football my whole life."

    I think that's pretty much all I need out of my spokespersons, knowledge of what they are speaking about.

    Check out this pic, for instance.

    First thing she does in the morning is check the paper for her team's stats.

    I'm serious. I was there.

    In fact, I handed the sports page to her, because I was reading the funnies.

Something to Cheer Up Niners Fans

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    At least you know that the NFL spokesperson won't roll out and fumble, leading to the touchdown that eventually dropped you to 0-5.

    She won't let you down, Niners fans.

3. No Hidden Agendas

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    Anyone who can wear a body paint bikini clearly has nothing to hide. And umm, nothing up her sleeves.

For The Love Of The Game

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    She is already an international supermodel so if she has signed up to help the league in this capacity, I don't doubt her intentions.

2. Pleasant Diversion

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    It's not that I have anything against Jenn Sterger. It's just when I think of her, I immediately flash back to that video and accidentally seeing Favre's junk.

Word Association

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    So whenever I hear anything about that story, I wash my eyes out as a reflex.

    And now when I think NFL, I think of Marisa.

1. A Middle Finger to The Critics

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    What better way to combat being called sexist because of the two previously mentioned incidents than to name a young lady who doesn't own anything but lingerie and bikinis as your spokesperson.

Very Impressive

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    Overall, I am proud of the league.

    And proud of Marisa...

Everyone Wins!

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    And proud to be an American. Just like Hulk Hogan said.

    My work is done here.

    Blow the folks a kiss, MM.

    Atta girl.