Ole Miss Mascot: 5 Picks Better Than That Bear

Bob Bajek@bobbajekAnalyst IIIOctober 14, 2010

Ole Miss Mascot: 5 Picks Better Than That Bear

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    What is this, Ole Miss, an overgrown teddy bear?

    So it takes a long seven years of controversy for the Ole Miss Rebels to diss its cool mascot Colonel Reb, who reminds fans of Colonel Sanders and fried chicken, for a bear. 

    Not just any bear, a teddy bear! 

    The Ole Miss student body voted a 62 percent approval for the Rebel Bear. 

    The idea came from a short story by one of Mississippi's most famous sons, Nobel-Prize winning novelist William Faulkner. 

    A bear could be bad ass, but come on, one that looks like a teddy bear will not strike fear in opponents. Only laughter will occur. 

    Here are five mascots that will beat up this mascot. 

5: Colonel Reb

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    The Colonel has been around since 1979.

    If it ain't broken, then why fix it? 

    The Colonel has been the school's official mascot since 1979, but has been around the university since the 1930s.

    He has been on hold for on-field athletic events since the voting process began seven years ago. 

    Colonel Reb has a strong following among students and alumni.

    He also has his own foundation to support him, known as The Colonel Reb Foundation, in preserving his image and sponsors the unofficial appearances of the mascot in The Grove tailgating area. 

4: William Faulkner

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    William Faulkner was a scholar but knew how to hold down his liquor.

    Ole Miss is a university, after all, so why not have a scholar be the mascot. 

    William Faulkner has a Nobel Prize in literature and wrote stories that sound like he knew sports: The Sound and the Fury, Intruder in the Dust and As I Lay Dying (perfect for horrible seasons). 

    Besides being a good symbol of Ole Miss' educational mission, Faulkner boozed a lot and was a lady's man. 

    Maybe Faulkner's spirit could unwrite that teddy bear from existence? 

3: Hotty Toddy

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    The Toddster looks like an athlete and brings a certain toughness.

    Hotty Toddy was one of the three mascot finalists.

    He is gray, jacked as hell and has a cool essence, something both the ladies and weightlifters would appreciate.

    Hotty Toddy has his own school song in The Grove. It starts with “HELL YES! DAMN RIGHT!” and then continues:

    Hotty Toddy, Gosh almighty

    Who in the hell are we, Hey!

    Flim Flam, Bim Bam

    OLE MISS BY DAMN!\'

    This dude is one boss mascot who could have background singing when he kicks that flim flam, bim bam damn bear’s ass. 

2: Rebel Land Shark

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    A shark would have been a great chose. He could make a biting motion when the Rebels chew the clock away.

    A Rebel Land Shark was the other finalist.

    Sharks are some of the coolest and most deadly creatures on the planet, which is perfect for a school mascot.

    The shark could devour its opponents Jaws style, and should start with that dumb teddy bear. 

1: Admiral Ackbar

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    No one could ever go wrong with a Star Wars character.

    Who doesn't like Star Wars? There are Rebels as well, including Admiral Ackbar, who is an alien shrimp-like creature.

    He might be a shrimp that mutated from the BP oil spill, so his existence would be plausible. 

    George Lucas would probably let Ole Miss use him for a fee because it would promote his franchise. 

    Every game would be against the evil Galatic Empire, and college bands already play The Imperial March. 

    Ackbar should order his star fleet to blast that bear to oblivion as college football fans cheer everywhere.