Bound For Failure: Dixie Carter Has Reached An All-New Level Of Suck
Let me start out by saying that I really wasn't planning on writing something about Bound For Glory.
I made the cardinal mistake that I always seem to make regarding TNA.
I gave them a chance.
With all this yakking and parading about 10/10/10 changing TNA forever, I decided to watch BFG tonight, to see if TNA could finally step it back up and stop sucking the sweat off of WWE's proverbial testicles.
I'm not going to break down the entire pay-per-view because they have results posted on various websites that you can check out for yourself and to be honest, not all of the show was that bad.
The Motor City Machineguns and Generation Me proved themselves to be fully capable of captivating the typical smarks and hard-to-satisfy but easy-to-please crowd that was in attendance for the show.
Despite being worked like a tag match, even though it was a four-way (?), the Knockouts proved themselves to be more capable in the ring than most of the WWE Divas.
The Beautiful People also proved that their road agent must be running low on ideas, because they're still taking jabs at WWE's Team Laycool.
For anyone that has read my previous work, it's not hard to tell that I'm not a TNA fan. And in the interest of journalistic integrity (thanks Michael Cole, you idiotic tool), I have given them chance after chance to prove me wrong.
Tonight, TNA proved, once again, that as long as Vince Russo has the book and Hogan and Bischoff have his ear, Dixie Carter's promotion will never amount to anything more than a place to watch old stars from the '90's live off their heyday and see young careers skyrocket all the way to the top...of a glass ceiling that they'll never break through.
We'll start off with my first facepalm of the night; Ink Inc. vs. a team I'm not even going to try to name.
We have the two dudes using the gimmick of having a lot of tattoos. Ink Inc., going up against Eric "I now look like an out of shape John Cena with magic marker body art" Young and his "alternative" tag team partner, Orlando "White lacy satin with a lollipop" Jordan.
We start out their tag entrance with Eric accepting and even consuming a used lollipop, straight from the mouth of his partner. These bisexual references are getting out of hand.
Eric Young is carrying the "TNA Rule Book". And my six-year-old sister could have made something more real looking than that book but I suppose that's the point?
TNA must have become aware of their idiotic booking tendencies and this pointless and inane program with Ink Inc. damn near seems like an attempt at poking fun at themselves.
It works but in all the wrong ways. Watch the matches these two teams have put on if you don't want to take my word for it.
I'm going to continue my tirade tonight by pointing out the absurdity of the Abyss vs Rob Van Dam match stipulation, if that's what you want to call it.
Abyss was allowed to have his Monster's Ball match with Rob Van Dam, and would be fired immediately the following day, thanks to papers drawn up by Eric Bischoff and signed by Dixie Carter.
Let's just stop right there before we go any further.
You're a know-nothing president of a promotion that's losing reputation and support (I don't even get attacked for these articles anymore, c'mon!) by the day.
You spend Oct. 7 handcuffed to a large and less impressive fusion of Kane and Mankind and you order your underling to draw up termination papers that you apparently can't draw up yourself, only extending the date of termination long enough to please your stoner ex-champion who never lost the title because he threatened to quit (oh no!) if he didn't get his way.
Now, take a deep breath, try and catch up to the point in the midst of this clusterf*ck of information, and then we'll continue. Keep in mind that the casual fan is the key target audience and they're the ones that need to understand this stuff the most.
From the casual fan's viewpoint; Dixie Carter is the president of TNA but she orders someone underneath her to do the dirty work of firing Abyss and bends to the will of Rob Van Angsty-Blogger, just to keep him from quitting, because that's how adults handle their business. What great leadership she shows on national television.
Now, I understand what a headache it can be to decipher that mess but I honestly did the best job I could of keeping it simple.
Try and keep up, because it's going to get worse.
Enter Bound For Glory. Rob Van Pass-That-Joint-Dude wins by using Janice? Mick Foley would ask for his Barbie gimmick back but yeah, it's TNA. Throw that out the window. So, Abyss lost and we are to assume that at 12:01 AM, he is to be (kayfabe) fired.
Did we really need to make a simple concept that complicated?
"I, Dixie Carter, President of TNA Wrestling, declare that as of 12:01 AM, following Abyss' match with Rob Van Dam, he will be terminated from his contract, win, lose or draw. This should also satisfy RVD's concerns."
Is that so hard to do? All this BS was done in one night anyways, so why not squash a series of worthless filler segments into one promo and earn a little credibility as a leader in the process? Maybe give the wasted camera time to some younger up and coming stars? Or TNA's home grown talent?
Of course not, because that's TNA's MO. Did I mention that Vince Russo owns a t-shirt...never mind.
Moving right along...
TNA proved again that it has completely written off the X Division as "less important" by having Douglas Williams annihilate the Champion, Jay Lethal and have Lethal win via Santino with a roll up. And then we have that Jersey Shore rip off attack him afterwards.
Keep in mind, this comes off the heels of Jeremy Borash cutting the Shore debut promo short because the iMPACT Zone sh*t all over it. Oh well.
Maybe if they could, (cough) book them a little better, they would be getting over a little more. Jersey Shore is popular enough in current pop culture that there's no reason this shouldn't work.
Other than, it's TNA. It's expected.
Let me backtrack a little bit and remind everyone that just because these segments and matches were booked stupidly, that doesn't mean the in-ring work was bad.
In fact, the in-ring wrestling is the only thing I'm able to like about TNA. It's damaged only by the company's fetish with illogical booking.
Honorable mentions tonight go out to Kevin Nash. Congratulations on a lengthy and successful career. You may not be remembered as the most skilled or dedicated or honorable (See WCW, circa 1997) but you've still earned a place in history.
Congratulations on getting out of TNA on your terms, when you realized they weren't going to use you for anything more than sh*tting on young talent.
That's how the cookie crumbles unfortunately. Team 3D retires with a segment and promo, and Kevin Nash retires after powerbombing a fat guy in a match that most people probably didn't even know was his last. How disappointing.
Jarrett turns heel in this match as well because...well that's just important, right? The future of TNA in Samoa Joe and The Pope is relegated to a powerbomb and a bit of in-ring work. And the spotlight goes to Kevin Nash, Sting and Jeff "I'm still here?" Jarrett.
We've arrived at Lethal Lockdown. As dumb as most of this PPV has played out so far (I said it wasn't all bad before right? Damn...), this match was well-worked by everyone.
I've accepted the fact that TNA has this obsession with old guys and I'll admit, EV2 (Did we drop the .0?) worked the match pretty good.
So why, pray tell, did we take a young guy like Brian Kendrick, who's spent weeks sucking up to a bunch of old ECW wrestlers, and stick him on top of a cage, have him put Kazarian through a table and then sit down and enter a meditation state like he's casting for The Last Airbender?
Can someone please explain what that does for the match? That was the single most idiotic spot on the entire Pay-Per-View. Run in? Okay. Help EV2? Guess that makes sense.
Transform into Buddha on the top of Lethal Lockdown? Yeah.......
And after the chaotic and brutal match, which was well worked despite that dumbass Kendrick spot, why are the EV2 guys beating Fortune? Can someone explain that to me as well? They've had their time.
They worked in the 90's. This is 2010. Why is AJ Styles, ranked No. 1 in this years PWI list of the 500 best wrestlers in the world, jobbing in the end to Tommy f*cking Dreamer?
Babyfaces or not, how does this benefit the young talent? They can't beat a bunch of guys that are more or less totally out of their primes, in a match with no rules, where they had the numbers advantage and weapons.
Oh yeah, it's TNA. I forgot.
And then there were three.
The Main Event match was worked well and the crowd seemed into it. Kurt and Anderson looked like they belonged there, which they did and their entrances were awesome to see.
Jeff Hardy looked like Lindsay Lohan after another bender (Thanks Edge).
Let's keep in mind that going into this match, Kurt Angle was on his "Win or ELSE" stipulation. Win that title or retire.
After a run in by Bischoff and Hogan, who hobbled out on his crutches because even 9 or 10 back surgeries won't keep him away from the spotlight, we're treated to what I saw as almost a complete rip off of the Hogan heel turn from 14 years ago in WCW.
Hogan and Bischoff turn on the faces, ring gets filled with trash, announcers play it up like its 2012 and we're all going to die. Same old sh*t.
Once again, TNA fails to do anything original, and instead chooses to try to hang onto the nostalgia of the '90's. I sense a pattern here.
And the mother of all f*ck ups; TNA puts their World Heavyweight Championship, and the focus of this new "nWo" rip off, on Jeff Hardy. You know...the guy who sells drugs and may still end up in prison?
Why are we putting our biggest prize on a potential felon?
Oh yeah, I forgot. It's TNA.
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