Here we are, less than two weeks until kickoff for the 2008 college football season and I couldn't be more excited. I can already smell the five days of games to kick off the season. My countdown clock says three months and four days until Ohio State plays Michigan—but I'm getting ahead of myself.
It is time to make sure I have everything in order so that I am not to blame if the Buckeyes lose a game. Here is my list of superstitious activities. Some may be stupid (OK, they all probably are) but I'll bet you have some that are even dumber.
1. Never, ever, ever go back to Columbus to watch a game in The Shoe unless you know for sure you can't possibly cause them to lose. Remember a few years ago when OSU was undefeated and they laid an egg against Michigan State? Yep, I was there. My fault. I take full responsibility.
2. Get the "Block O" flag up early in the morning. I used to make sure to fly it exactly at 7:00 am on game day. I've eased off a bit, allowing myself to put it up any time between 6:45 and 7:15. I also hum "Buckeye Battle Cry" while doing this.
3. Wear the right game gear! Nothing screws up your team more than getting this wrong. I spent about $75 on a No. 25 red OSU team jersey just in time to wear it and cause the Buckeyes' worst loss in years to the Gators in the National Championship.
Why did I think I could just throw that sucker on without game testing it against Kent State or Indiana? Dumb, rookie mistake. I thought about selling this jersey on eBay, but decided that it might be inherently evil so it sits in the back of my closet thinking about the wrongs it has created.
Don't get me started on game day underwear or the extra effort put forth on Michigan game day (no yellow or blue of any kind).
4. Drink the right beverages. I normally am a big micro and home brew drinker, but on game day that all changes. It is hugely important to drink PBR, Genny Creams, and Rolling Rocks. Old Style is also acceptable. That is always backed up with an expensive bottle of tequila—shots after each score. This rule changes based on opponents and kick-off time. Some games can and will get WAY out of hand. I also have a friend who drank claret wine during the games. That was almost as wrong as Clarett himself.
BONUS: If OSU wins big and we kill the bottle of tequila, it gets a Buckeye helmet sticker and goes up on the basement shelf next to the other bottles and the Woody, Tressel and Bo (face down) bobble-heads.
5. Seating arrangements are also key. I had a friend (yep, same wine guy) that had to sit on the same corner of my big sectional. The day he came over and it was replaced by a new couch he completely freaked out.
Also, the front row is for OSU grads only and it trails off to the back where my Gopher and Badger friends sit. For the Michigan game, my super stinky Michigan friends are allowed in the house but their kids all get their pictures taken wearing buckeye hats.
6. Just before kickoff I make sure to get Coaches Woody and Tressel bobble-heads nodding yes and smack the crap out of the Bo bobble-head until he falls over. If lucky, Bo gets chipped in some way. He has been known to land in the toilet and the diaper genie as needed during the Michigan game.
OK, I just went back and proof read this article. My wife might be correct in that I do need to get a life. Nah, this is my life, and between late August and early January I wouldn't have it any other way!
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