A New Era Of Monday Night Raw Is Upon Us (Satire)
A new era was coming into Monday Night Raw, and no one, not even Vince McMahon himself could stop it. It was inevitable, and IT WAS COMING.
Michael Cole: Welcome everybody to Monday Night Raw! Tonight, we have so much in store!
King: And much more!
Michael Cole: We are now awaiting our general manager, Marina Martinez, to make important announcements regarding tonight's matches.
*cue entrance music and walks out to ring*
Marina Mtz: *grabs mic* Hello Toronto! How's everyone doing tonight? *applause* Well...its about to get better! Tonight in the main event, we have the tag team champions, The Hart Dynasty going up against newcomers Svyato Rovenchuk and D Real Deal! Let's get tonight started with a Diva bout! *walks back*
*cue entrance music*
Justin Roberts: The following handicapped Diva's bout is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Manila in the Philippines, Annie Cruz! *applause* ...And her opponents...*cue entrance music* Michelle McCool and Layla...LayCool!
Michael Cole: And this handicap match is underway!
King: Cole, did I ever tell you that I love Filipino girls?
Michael Cole: *chuckles* Yes partner on many occasions...
At first, the numbers game was catching up to Annie and she was on the receiving end of LayCool smackdown, but slowly and surely, she began to accumulate momentum.
Michael Cole: What a dropkick to Layla from Annie!
King: And another for Michelle! Annie is on fire!
Michael Cole: Annie nails the Inverted Headlock Backbreaker!
King: Thanks for coming, Layla.
Justin Roberts: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, Annie Cruz!
So Annie goes to back, and is congratulated by fellow locker roommates DJ Rallo and Matthew Hester.
Todd Grisham: Joining me now are the tag team champions, The Hart Dynasty! *applause* Now, are you guys at all intimidated by the newcomers that are challenging you tonight?
Tyson: Are you joking? If anything, they should be scared of us.
David: Yeah, we are the very best of the tag team division here, and we are scared of no one!
Svyato and D Deal walk up, Todd Grisham leaves and the two teams have an intense staredown.
Svyato: We'll see later tonight...*walks away*
Deal: *gives a dirty look and walks away*
Justin Roberts: The following bout is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA, Deee Jayy Rallo! *massive applause* ...and his opponent...from Moscow, Russia...Vladimir Kozlov!
The match goes in back and forth, until Kozlov gains significant momentum and is setting up for his finisher....until DJ reverses it and rolls him up for the pin!
King: Kozlov is fuming!
Cole: He is not happy, but congrats to DJ Rallo on his amazing upset!
*RAW then goes to a commercial break. sponsored by GEICO*
Cole: Welcome back to Monday Night Raw, where we have had two stunning victories and an amazing main event coming up.
King: Let's get into the next match!
Justin R: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first from North Carolina, Matthew
Hester! *slight applause* ...and his opponent...from Cleveland, Ohio, weighing in at 231 pounds, The Miz! *boos*
Michael Cole: Look King, it's the 21st Century Joe DiMaggio, the modern day John Kennedy, THE MIZ!
King: Hey, calm down there Cole, don't count out this Matthew Hester guy. He looks pretty imposing!
So the match starts off with The Miz and Hester locking up, when Miz puts him in a headlock...
Cole: Oh yeah, that's right! C'mon Miz, give it to him!
King: *shakes head in embrassment*
When Hester quickly gains momentum, Miz is right there to stop him. At every chance he gets, the Miz promptly stops him.
Cole: This is just embrassing, this Hester guy should just lay down and take it.
King: Is that what you do?
Cole: Real funny.
Finally Hester gains some momentum, and starts on the offensive against The Miz. Shoulder blocks here, big back body drops there, until he puts him on the turnbuckle and Miz pushes him off. Miz goes for a flying body press....until he is caught and powerfully slammed to the floor by Matthew Hester.
Cole: This is a travesty! This is unacceptable! He's the Miz goddammit!
King: He lost. Get over it seriously.
Matthew Hester walks through the curtain and sees Annie and DJ talking amongst themselves and quickly approaches them. All three of them were approached by Svyato and Deal soon after.
King: Oooh! What do think they are talking about Michael?
Cole: I don't know, but i'm getting a very sketchy vibe from this.
King: 'Sketchy'? Since when do you say that?
Cole: Haven't you been watching Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory? You gotta keep up with the times King!
King: *shakes head and sighs*
Justin Roberts: The following main event is a Tag Team match scheduled for one fall. *cue entrance music* Introducing first, accompanied by Natayla, they are the WWE Tag Team Champions, Tyson Kidd, David Hart Smith, The Hart Dynasty! *massive applause* ...and introducing their opponents from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Svyato Rovenchuk, and D Real Deal!
The bell rings and the match is underway...but then, Svyato punches the ref, and the official has no choice but to DQ the team.
*Annie, DJ, and Rallo come out looking serious*
Annie pleads them not to fight, she pleads, and pleads until...she turns around and slaps Natalya! DJ, Deal, Matthew and Svy gang up on Tyson and David while the crowd boos. They promptly dispose of the team and then Svy takes a mic.
Svyato: Growing up as a kid I would always watch wrestling. The only problems with always watching the shows was to have to listen to Cole talk. I mean seriously? *looks at Cole intensly* I rather listen to my grandfather tell me stories about his generation's flaws. Oh and don't get me started on you King. *looks at King* Only thing I gotta say is the divas in this company are way out of your league. So please shut up and go jerk to some internet porn. *crowd boos* Now....You see when me and Deal came here, we expected competition. We did not expect two low life ass kissing retards to spoil our night here, neither were we looking for such a crowd so full of it self that it can't handle us. We thought we get some good fans, but guess what they kiss more ass than these two "insults" do. *crowd erupts with boos* In all seriousness folks, now that i've clawed my way up to the WWE, I'm here to make an impact. A BIG ONE. I won't settle for anything, but the best. Or at least what this company claims to be the best. There is not one person in the locker room that strikes fear into my eyes. Not John Cena, not Randy Orton, not The Undertaker, NO ONE. Cuz you see, I know I'm the best and I'm willing to prove it any day of any given weak. You might boo me now, but when I win the WWE Championship, and believe me that won't be too long from now, I'm going to show you that what you are looking at right now is the face of a winner. No, not just a winner you see greatness personified right before your eyes. If there is anyone in that locker room that disagrees with anything that I've said right now I dare you go come out here and persuade me otherwise. But know what you're risking before hand because I will not play kind ball with any scum that dare call themselves a "superstar".
*cue entrance music*
Marina Mtz: Mr. Rovenchuk, you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? I want to know if you and your little partner are worth investing in my time and money. Next week you will face Chris Jericho one-on-one in a No DQ match!
*turns to walk away but looks back*
Marina Mtz: Oh and Deal, don't think I forgot about you. Next week, you will face "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry in a No DQ contest as well! Good Luck Next Week Gentleman.
*walks out to cue music*
Deal: Hold it right there BITCH!
Marina Mtz: EXCUSE ME?!
Deal: Yes, Yes I am talking to you slut! Are you kidding me? Mark Henry, Seriously? You Think I am going to face that over sized NUT who survives on crap for a living? Hell No
Marina: *crosses arms and looks pissed*
Deal: Shut up and listen to me first! You need to recognize me for who I am. I am your biggest asset. I am bigger and better than any person who has ever stepped foot in this ring. I am pure greatness, I don't follow greatness, It follows me! No body and I mean no body has a bigger heart for wrestling than I do! You are looking at the best thing to hit pro wrestling in a long long time. I demand Respect! I demand competition that I can take seriously and prove every single piece of trash out here, That I am here to stay. Why? Cause I said so....... D Deal has been done.
Marina: Ok, Mr. Deal. Next Week you will face Edge in a NO DQ match!
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