Like many people who love college football I too watched the South Carolina vs. Auburn game this Saturday. After watching South Carolina collapse in the fourth quarter I watched Sportscenter and eventually College Football Final.
While watching College Football Final my wife said something that reinforced my belief that we are truly soul mates when she turned to me and said "Lou Holtz is an idiot!”
Then she made a comment that made the hair on my neck tingle with excitement (I can't write that but her other statement was pretty good) “Steve Spurrier should replace Lou Holtz as an analyst".
Imagine if you will for a moment the enjoyment that this would bring to all college football fans. No matter how one may feel about Steve Spurrier he would give golden and brutally honest insight into college football. No more rants from a decrepit old man instead pure smart-assness at its best.
A man who as a coach has never been afraid to call it as it, now setting behind the broadcast table giving his expert opinion on college football.
How I long for that day! In the mean time however I would like to imagine what Steve Spurrier would say if he were already sitting in an analyst chair.
As a disclaimer I will admit that there is no way that I a mere amateur smart-ass can never achieve the true essence that is Spurrier.
Reese Davis: In what has to be the biggest wart on the impeccable tenor of the Mack Brown era at Texas what do you make of this game Coach Spurrier?
Coach Spurrier: Well Reese it was what Texas always wanted.
Reese Davis: Always wanted? Coach I’m not sure I follow you on this one.
Coach Spurrier: Reese just look out there on the field at the mascot. You have a steer out there representing the University of Texas. Now we all know what separates a Steer from a bull and today the Texas team is no different than the Steer out on the field.
Today Mack Brown and his Texas team played pitiful football and it is no surprise to anyone who was watching that UCLA took Texas's pride and manhood back with them to L.A.
You cannot turn the ball over that many times to any team and expect to even be competitive in a football game yet alone win. Why is anybody calling this an upset any way?
The way Texas has been inadequate in the passing game, non-existent in the running game, and plain awful on defense this is no surprise to anyone who has been watching. The only upset here is the feelings of the ignorant pollsters who believed they where a top 10 team.
Reese Davis: Coach give us some insight to how you view both of these teams after this game.
Coach Spurrier: Well Reese you have a fine academic institution that is making a march back to relevance and glory beating up on a team that hasn't accomplished anything in going on three decades.
Why are we even talking about Notre Dame any way? What have they done in the past 20 years to even warrant attention from a national standpoint? Hell, they can't even beat the military academies anymore.
Look I know all the bull about tradition and that Brian Kelley is going to bring them back to glory, but right now that's a load of horsecrap.
The only reason anybody outside of South Bend even knows who Brian Kelley is, is because ESPN can't stop gushing about this joke of a football team.
I like Lou Holtz and he accomplished a lot in his career but he lost all of his integrity when he sat in this chair year after year talking about how good a football team Notre Dame was and how they where national contender.
The real analysis of this game is that a talented, credible, and ranked team in Stanford beat the hell out of a very wealthy MAC school just like it was supposed to do.
Mark May: Please coach never leave, ever!
Reese Davis: The Crimson Tide have a scare but somehow manage to fight back and pull out a tough win on the road in a hostile environment against #10 Arkansas. Coach, are you surprised at the outcome of this game.
Coach Spurrier:(laughing heartily)
Reese Davis: Coach you want to let us and the rest of the nation in on the joke?
Coach Spurrier: Nothing Reese I was just trying to imagine Fayetteville, Arkansas as a hostile environment. What can you say about the game? Was this a case of Alabama maturing and showing the moxy of a champion in a tuff situation on the road? Or was this another example of a team in unfamiliar territory choking away a decisive win at home?
The truth is we don't know the answers about either team right now and won't for at least a few more weeks. I will tell you this though Alabama is going to have to play better on defense next week to beat even a sloppy Florida team.
Reese Davis: Speaking of Florida coach how do you see this Alabama vs. Florida showdown next week?
Coach Spurrier: I see it as a matchup of two of the best units in college football squaring off on a national stage paired with two of the sloppiest units in football. Son Alabama's offense is great and Florida's defense is championship caliber and if you combined them you would have a team that could win a Super Bowl.
On the other hand if you combined Florida's offense with Alabama's defense you would be lucky to beat South Dakota State.
Reese Davis: Coach there has been a lot of talk and maybe even some hoopla about this being the year a Non-AQ team could play for the National Title. What are your feelings on this, the chances of it happening, and whether or not it will be good for college football.
Coach Spurrier: Well Reese I'm a proponent of a playoff first and foremost. I think that we should line the top 8 teams in college football up and play it out.
Now having said that I don't think that either TCU or Boise State could win a national title in a eight team playoff format. Sure they can win any big game on any given Saturday but could they beat three top 10 teams in three weeks? The answer is no.
These Non-AQ teams should in reality be against a playoff at all costs because it would benefit the big league teams. Take Alabama for instance they are in the process of playing three top 20 teams in a row.
For the big time teams it is status quo to play top tier teams week in and week out, and I believe that would only play even more into their favor in a playoff.
As far as to whether or not either Boise or TCU will play in the National Title this year, not unless you have all the Non-AQ teams have at least two victories. Sure you will have some say well they deserve too but until they line it up against tough competition week in and week out how can you argue that they deserve to be champions.
What type of car do you drive agian?
Reese Davis: What do you make of the sanctions against USC?
Coach Spurrier: Well I think that are excessive especially when you consider the imposed penalty that USC put on it's football program when it hired Lane Kiffin. That to me was more than enough punishment for any institution or fan base.
Reese Davis: As a Heisman winner and voter how do you feel about Reggie Bush giving his trophy back to the Heisman trust.
Coach Spurrier: Reese, I think its a self promoting action from an egocentric narcissist trying to make himself seem better than the trophy and the trust. In plain English it was a load of crap.
Reese Davis: What is your analysis of Tennessee and it's rebuilding job.
Coach Spurrier: I think this is more along the lines of a deep sea salvage operation than it is a rebuilding job.
Reese Davis: What do you think of the state of affairs in the Big East and ACC?
Coach Spurrier: I think they are the two finest conferences in the FCS. Basketball season can't start soon enough for either conference.
Reese Davis: On a final thought coach what do you make of the current state of affairs at Ole Miss.
Coach Spurrier: I think that with the way they have been playing Miss is a very appropriate title.