Brett Favre or Gisele Bundchen: Who's Worse For Football Right Now?
Two main stories seem to dominate the NFL news wires throughout the country.
The first—anything to do with Brett Favre. The second—the steamy union of Patriots star Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen.
Which of these is worse for football?
Is it Favre with his arrogance and feeling of superiority and entitlement? Or is it instead the gorgeous wife, poking and prodding into Brady's life so much that he now looks like a 13-year-old boy band sensation?
I will take a look at five compelling arguments for each, and then arrive at a conclusion. Let me know what you think—all feedback is greatly appreciated.
Why Favre? 1. Fool Me Once, Shame On…You?
Favre crying as he says farewell for the first time
Exactly how many times can one man retire and return before it becomes redundant and uninteresting?
Did anyone really believe that costly cross—body interception would be his final passing attempt?
Brett Favre is awful for football because he dominates the news wires even when anyone with common sense knows what his next move will be. Great and compelling storylines are lost on the back pages as Favre controls the spotlight time and time again each preseason.
2. Wrangler Jeans
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to run freely and play quality football in tight old—man jeans?
Favre makes you believe that you too can throw touchdowns with a smile on your face by simply buying a pair of pants, but ignores the fact that these things restrict your ability of movement by about 75 percent.
Try high—stepping out of a sack while your groin feels like its being put through a torture clamp, or generating 4.5 speed when you can’t lift your knees past your pelvis.
False advertising is bad for any business, and football is no exception.
3. The Raw Stats
Brett Favre's 2010 Stats: 1 TD, 4 INT, 1 FUM, 0-2 Record, 56.1 QB Rating
Frankly, Brett Favre is bad for football because he just isn't that good anymore. He had a remarkable season in 2009 that helped erase memories of the poor seasons that preceded it.
2010 is looking more and more like what he is as a QB these days, and I wouldn’t hold your breath for a dramatic turnaround. You can hold teams hostage when you put up a 107.2 rating like 2009, but not the 81, 72.7, or 70.9 of three of the four seasons prior.
4. He’s Not “Having Fun Out There”
Part of what made Favre so endearing to football fans was his child—like love for the game. He was/is a no-apologies “gun slinger".
He always smiled, laughed, jumped into his linemen’s arms, and made it appear as though he was still playing a kid’s game.
Those days are long gone for Favre, as he now looks more like a miserable former high school star forced to play intramurals in college.
This game has now become a job for him, and his frustrations, age, ankle soreness, and relentless ego are turning him into a different man.
5. Favre Has “Been Exposed”
No, I’m not talking about being exposed as a selfish, egotistical old man—we should have all seen that coming by now.
Favre was allegedly exposed in a more literal nature, as former Jets employee Jenn Sterger accused him of sending her naked photos of his genitalia.
Also involved in the scandal were alleged voicemails of the Tiger Woods variety, which had very sexually suggestive language, as well as other aggressive texts. It would be one thing if Favre was single and simply a pervert, but the man has a family.
Nothing serious arose from this story as time moved on, and it seems the backlash from initial posts to Deadspin and other sites seemed to scare off Sterger from bringing further attention to herself and the situation.
I can’t entirely ignore the allegations, as I’d be slightly naïve to think the pictures and other communications do not exist.
Why Gisele? 1. Benjamin Brady
What is worse for football fans than knowing yet another pretty boy star NFL Quarterback is on his way to New England to continue daddy’s legacy in 2030?
Gisele and Tom produced a baby boy born in 2009 that is destined to become legendary. Our only hope may be that he becomes a model or an actor stuck in sex rehab rather then a football player.
Otherwise, if he can avoid all of the distractions that come with who he is, he may just win a Super Bowl one day.
2. Tom Brady’s Hair
Gisele is at the epicenter of a haircut that can only be described as Justin Bieber’s weird uncle, and it apparently is something he has no liberty to style on his own.
“Ask Gisele” seemed to be his only response, as he sheepishly put the onus on his wife for his appearance. Someone needs to answer for this doo, and I can only assume that this has now taken on a sort of "Samson" effect in Brady's mind.
3. Tom Brady’s “Accident"
Although he is okay, Brady was involved in an unfortunate car accident that very well could have endangered his career. Word is that a man ran through a red light and struck Brady’s car.
That’s a great cover up, but we all know the real reason for the crash—Gisele Bundchen’s billboards.
She almost caused the death of her own husband and an NFL superstar because she’s too busy making other men fantasize about being with her.
4. She Wears “The Pants” In The Relationship
It all starts with being the hairstyle commander, but we all know what a dominant woman can do when given free reign. What’s next? Where does it stop?
My guess is that Gisele Bundchen will soon be forcing Tom Brady to run halfback draws on third down to preserve his face and body for the nightcaps she demands.
This may not be bad for all of football, but it is certainly bad for Patriots fans hoping for red zone conversions and 300-yard passing games.
The Patriots don’t have an official “Offensive Coordinator” right now and there is only one explanation for that—Gisele is running the show from behind the scenes.
Tom needs to rediscover his manhood before it’s too late.
5. Jealousy Could Tear Down The League
Just look at that picture and take it all in.
This is what you get for being a Super Bowl MVP in the NFL. This is just one of the many perks to being the man and reaching the pinnacle of your profession—or is it?
Ben Roethlisberger figured it was easy to follow in Brady's footsteps and it nearly landed him in prison. Kurt Warner ended up with a wife that had a more masculine haircut than Brady himself, and others have struggled with the same problem.
It takes more than just being a Super Bowl MVP to win over a supermodel, and many have learned that the hard way.
So much envy and jealousy filtered around the league that even his own teammate Kevin Faulk tore his own ACL to try to get Gisele to take care of him like she did Tom in 2008.
It is bad enough when you have these squabbles with enemies and rivals, but when they show up in your own locker room, it's time to take notice.
Conclusion: Favre Is Much Worse For the NFL Than Gisele Bundchen
After looking at the facts, it is clear to me that the final answer to the burning question has to be Brett Favre.
He is past his prime, he is an ego-maniac, he (allegedly) sends naked pictures to team employees, and he retires and returns more often than he wins NFC Championships.
At the end of the day, Gisele is still beautiful, and every man on Earth wants to be with her.
She may control Brady's hair style and other little aspects of his life, but she isn’t anything like Kurt Warner’s wife used to be.
We want to be Tom, and we want to be with Gisele, but I will pass on being a broken down old man like Mr. Favre.
The votes are in, and the winner is the Minnesota Vikings signal-caller. What do you think?