Peyton Manning Is a Funny Guy But...No More Commercials!!!

Sipan MathevosianContributor IISeptember 24, 2010

I'd rather watch him for 5 straight minutes...I swear.
I'd rather watch him for 5 straight minutes...I swear.

        I absolutely love football season; I get overexcited for all the hype, fantasy football trash talk, NFL Live, 4th and goal with the game on the line, and who doesn't love the "C'mon Man!" segments on MNF.  But for some reason, I'm beginning to dread watching football games because it means I have to find another program ready on my "previous," "flash," "last," button (or whatever button you have that takes you to your last channel).  Why? Because I despise commercials.  I almost can't watch opening kickoffs anymore, because I know after 5 seconds I have to change the channel to avoid 5 minutes of unbearable commercials.  It's not just the commercials, but it's the break away from the game, and I know you can't change this.  Football is a sport with packages.  The special teams units kick off ... play is over ... commercial ... first team unit comes on the field ... touchdown ... commercial ... punt ... commercial ... injury ... commercial  ... timeout ... commercial, commercial, commercial.  I understand the progress of the game calls for breaks, but I don't want to watch another damn commercial between every 4 seconds of play.  Show the crowd, show the sideline, show the players, show me Jon Gruden for 5 minutes....just show me football! 

         Now I know this is a business and the NFL is a marketing giant, but can't they advertise on the screen while I watch Antonio Cromartie stare into 8 different sections of the crowd trying to spot all of his kids?  After all, how effective are these commercials anyway?  Don't get me wrong, some of them are hilarious.  I mean, who knew Peyton Manning was so funny?  I think we can all agree that commercials with athletes are fine; for all the other useless ones, show them at the half, after the game, and a few during, but not at any and every, single, possible moment.  I don't care how many funny DirectTV commercials you show me; I'm still not switching out every box in my house just for the NFL network.  And I know the NFL network is the greatest set of channels ever, bar none, but try selling it on cable and trust me, believe'll double your revenue.  I don't want 40 minutes of commercials throughout the game.  I mean, does the Coca Cola company really need to advertise anymore.  Really?!

 Dear Coca Cola,

        You established your brand a hundred years ago.  Everybody loves it. Everyone drinks coke, diet coke, and every other soda you make that people think are in competition with you, but are still, really your products.  You could fire your entire advertising team right now, this instant, then put the goofiest person on the planet on TV for 10 worthless seconds a year, and have them yell out, "Hey!!!  Don't forget to drink Coke!  It's F#cking Delicious!!" and you still won't lose a single cent of revenue.  P.S. Polar bears don't make me thirsty.  Sincerely, a fan of Coke. 

        This isn't some insightful opinion, some light bulb moment that will make you say, "Oh my God...he's right!"  This is just a football fan asking you to let me watch a couple hours of football without being force fed GMC trucks, satellite TV, Dodge trucks, Toyota Trucks (we get watch football, men drive trucks. Voila! football and trucks!).  Please don't sell me on any more Miller Lite, Miller Genuine Draft, Bud Light, Regular Budweiser, Regular Budweiser Light Genuine Draft (I've tried them all...they're all just beer.  Now where's my Corona?)  or any other product that you're not going to convince me to buy.  I'm not asking you to kill all the commercials, just some of them.  Figure something out.  Please give me football, give me adrenaline, give me a breakdown of every blitz package possible, give me a shot of the guy who paints the yard markers before every game, give me something else....just don't give me any more commercials.