Good Lords! England Secedes From Pakistan!

Rajshekhar MalaviyaCorrespondent INovember 4, 2016

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It's official.

England has finally announced its secession from Pakistan.

Lords, which was Pakistan's home utill just a few months back when they hosted Australia, is suddenly, in one fell swoop, a foreign land. Various other cricket grounds, as well as the many pubs and bars across

The United Kingdom have also ceased to be home territory for the Butts and Afridis. Or Majeeds, for that matter.

The secession was announced by a British rebel called Collier, the Chief executive of ECB. ECB, that is England Cricket Board (Or is it England and Wales), which for most Pakistanis was formerly one of the many units of PCB, or the Pakistan Cricket Board.

It is, however, widely believed that the secession is temporary, as an angry reaction to certain claims made by an uncertain Butt and bonhomie may soon return between the two entities in about a year or two.

Not only that, a top Pakistani Diplomat called Hassan is confident that England will rescind on this secession threat as he sees it.

Contrary to what the newspaper reports say, PCB vs ECB clash is actually a clash between two words. It's a battle between Claims and Allegations.

The claims of one side are termed allegations by the other and vice versa, and it is believed that the creators of Oxford, Cambridge, and Webster dictionaries will be involved in a gripping legal battle to figure out what is what and whatever else.

Meanwhile, Collier has spoken about the reasons for the secession. Speaking on the eve of the secession, he said: "It has been an extraordinary two to three weeks, and a very sad two to three weeks," he added.

A lot of people have been under an awful lot of pressure, no-one more so than the chairman of the Pakistan board, who has been very much at the forefront of all of the response from the [PCB]. He's done a lot of traveling during that period, so that is the sympathy that we have.

Butt, on his part, doesn't mind the traveling, not a bit. In fact, being in a spot for too long irritates the man—who, like several others of PCB, the Pak Team, as well as the friends who prefer to meet in pubs with cameras that have a mind of their own, prefers to move quickly from one spot to the next, wherever quick riches can be booked easily.

That's one of the reasons why Butt is completely unfazed by this small secession. As he often admits in private to his friends, his is the only country to have the honour of calling all cricket grounds across the world as its home ground.

Except, of course the ones in Pakistan since most of them have now been converted into shooting ranges where international cricketers are used for target practice. The number of spots available is just too many to even remember, he says.

His only problem is that he currently doesn't have a free hand in selecting his team, since he has to contend with ICC and ACU, two strong and vocal dissenters on his panel of selectors. It is whispered that the secession was engineered by these two traitors, and the Pawar or Power vested in these two is the actual source of all trouble.

The Claims vs Allegations match is on, and while the England team is very Straussed— sorry stressed, it is still willing to Trott across and do some Riaz, which is the Urdu for practice.

They are arming themselves with newer cricketing options, and they will soon have a team of bowlers, batters, and barristers. Both teams, if their respective spokespeople are to be believed have dropped one B from their squads, that is, the bookie.

But we can't be sure till the final eleven is announced on the morning or the afternoon of the match.

We shall wait, of course.

The last word on this secession saga, however, is yet to be spoken. Or ReBUTTed.