Aaron Heilman's Top 10 Punishments for Torturing New York Mets Fans

Hot Stove New YorkSenior Writer IAugust 12, 2008

10. Change the lock on the clubhouse door and have the security guards pretend they don’t know who he is.

9. Have him undergo Tommy John surgery next week―whether he needs it or not.

8. While Heilman is warming up, give Billy Joel a bottle of wine and the Mets’ old bullpen cart and set him loose in the bullpen.

7. Cheer him up by taking him to the zoo. And then “accidentally” throw him into the lion pit.

6. Strap him to a seat, clamp his eyelids open, A Clockwork Orange–style, and make him watch film of his pitching performances over and over again.

5. Have Fred Wilpon send him to military school.

4. Put him in a reality show with Mel Rojas, Guillermo Mota, and Armando Benitez―they’ll share a house, and the last one out alive wins.

3. Drive him out to the country and set him free.

2. Throw him a surprise party, but the “surprise” is to bury him under Citi Field.

1. Just trade his sorry ass out of town.

Related

    Clevinger K's 10 to Stay Hot as Tribe Beats Sox

    MLB logo
    MLB

    Clevinger K's 10 to Stay Hot as Tribe Beats Sox

    Chicago Sun-Times
    via Chicago Sun-Times

    Yanks Topple M's Behind German, Homers

    MLB logo
    MLB

    Yanks Topple M's Behind German, Homers

    NJ.com
    via NJ.com

    Giants' Strickland Fractured Hand Punching a Door

    MLB logo
    MLB

    Giants' Strickland Fractured Hand Punching a Door

    Timothy Rapp
    via Bleacher Report

    Morrow Injured Back Taking Off His Pants

    MLB logo
    MLB

    Morrow Injured Back Taking Off His Pants

    Alec Nathan
    via Bleacher Report