Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Seattle @ Denver (-3)
Seattle will head to Denver’s Invesco Field at Mile High with a key 31-6 drubbing of NFC West rival San Francisco under their belt. Pete Carroll won his debut as Seahawks coach in impressive fashion, and proved that, whether in the college or pro ranks, he can be successful while managing pay-for-play athletes.
“Anyone who though the 49ers would run away with this division better think again,” Carroll said. “I think I’m going to like it here. The NCAA can’t touch me, I’m overpaid, and all my players have agents. Heck, it’s just like being at USC.”
The Broncos suffered a 24-17 loss in Jacksonville in front of a crowd of 63,636, most there to get a glimpse of hometown hero Tim Tebow. Alas, Tebow was in for only three plays, gaining two yards on two carries.
“It’s no secret,” said Josh McDaniels, “that I’m preparing Tebow for the eventual starting role. You could say I’m ‘grooming’ him, and it’s no accident that statement sounds mildly erotic. At least to me. But I’m not quite ready to thrust Tim, into action, that is, until I get to know him a little better. For now, I’m content to go steady with Kyle Orton.”
Matt Prater kicks a 55-yard field goal as time expires, giving the Broncos a dramatic 24-22 win, and Tebow is carried off the field by his teammates