Sweet Caroline

Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse more stories
Sweet Caroline
Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

With less than a week to go before the NFL Season begins, let's momentarily distract ourselves from the delicious anticipation of the Houston Texans' campaign by allowing me to divert your attention to the U.S. Open in Flushing Meadow, New York. And in honor of newest Houston Texan Matt Leinart, let's do it with just a bit too much "horn-dog-iness"!

It's a good thing Caroline Wozniacki had just a LITTLE more of that neon, Day-Glo Yellow nail polish so she could then ALSO paint on those shorts she was wearing underneath that waist-length bustier masquerading as a tennis outfit.

I mean, is she the women's #1 Seed at the U.S. Open, or one of The PussyCat Dolls?!!!

I haven't had a crush on a tennis player this bad since Andre Agassi himself brought HIS tight little stone-washed, denim-clad money-maker and long, flowing gold mane to the game. And speaking of a man whose return was legendary...Wozniacki is incredible! Everything you hit to her, no matter how good, SHE HITS BACK!

Wozniacki? More like "Wall"zniacki. And when you factor in her femme fatal looks, it's "Balls to the 'Wall'zniacki"!

And speaking of Andre...Has anyone seen him lately? How do we know she isn't really him? How do we know that he hasn't once again stapled an overly-bleached blonde wig to his head to thrill a U.S. Open crowd with his amazing play?!!!

Just Kidding, Caroline...You're sweet, indeed!

Load More Stories

Out of Bounds

Tennis

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address

Thanks for signing up.