For anyone reading this that still has an imagination, picture this: Three witches stand around a large, boiling cauldron on a rocky cliffside somewhere in Scotland. They stand in a rain-sodden cave, inserting various body parts and organs into this giant pot awaiting the result of their "ultimate footballer recipe" experiment.
Each believes that their fantasy footballer is astonishing, an unbelievable specimen, and, ultimately, the best of the bunch. Each of the three witches has their own opinion, their point of view. The first witch is me.
Now I am a relatively new football fanatic (I am only 13), but I know what the game is all about. Class is everything but everything isn't class.
Not every player has the ability to become the world's best. Just look at Titus Bramble. However, some players are simply devastating. Maybe some of the greatest athletes and most technically gifted people in the world ply their trade kicking leather at the weekends. Only a select few are like this and they are special for one reason or another.
I thought about this after I realised that Phillipe Senderos is about as useful as a bloke with no arms in a Mexican wave. I now want to mix all the best bits of world footballers and make a super-player.
Steven Hawking should stop wasting his time with Quantum Mechanics and figure out a formula to perform this.
But who and what about them would I mix?
So, in Dr. Frankenstein fashion, I am going to list my body parts and give reasons for those I have chosen: Footballer's of the world beware!
Hair: TARIBO WEST
Yes, I know he's a bit old but his hair is awesome. On par with Mr. T. Just phenomenal!
Brain: FABIO CANNAVARO
He proved at the World Cup of 2006 what a class act he is. Reads the game superbly. Probably the most influential defender on a tournament winning side since Franz Beckenbauer.
Ears: PAUL SCHOLES
An unlikely selection but he always seems to know where his team mates are. Always spots the pass. It's almost like he listens to his colleagues feet when they step, that's how he knows where they are.
Eyes: KAKA and CESC FABREGAS
These guys can see the whole pitch, even behind them it seems. Can pick the pass as good as anyone else, even better. Vision Express and Specsavers should get these guys to advertise.
Mouth: STEVEN GERRARD
Always talking to his team, a brilliant captain. Just one of his many traits. Great Player. Kop Legend, and I'm a gooner!
Neck and Head: MIROSLAV KLOSE
Best header of the ball I've seen. In 2002 Miroslav scored a hat trick of headers against world class opposition. Hey, Saudi Arabia can be dangerous when they want to be!
Torso and Shoulders: KAKA
His strength often goes unnoticed, often due to the fact that he's running incredibly fast. Hardly anyone get's the ball from him.
Right Arm: PATRICK VIEIRA
Highbury faithful can be certain of this selection. Many a time will they have seen the gangly Frenchman push off opponents with his overgrown upper right limb. Also got a good punch in there.
Left Arm: WAYNE ROONEY
16 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment
Ismail Ayub 11 months ago
haha, wouldn't the feet have been roberto carlos and gerrard, and the legs ronaldo/messi cos they give u the speed, and the feet give u the power?
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harry smith 11 months ago
cos the legs have all the propulsion muscle along with the hips
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XXX XXX 11 months ago
Love it...
I'd just take Messi though...
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gem asdani 11 months ago
Whole body: Ronaldo.
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Aaron Dunn 11 months ago
very nice.
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Zahi Sahli 11 months ago
unique.. id take everything from kaka though. the world's best today in my eyes. great skills and a great attitude.
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Andrew McNair 11 months ago
Well done mate. More creativity here on Bleacher. Loved the read and well done for the thoughts.
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Alan McGuinness 11 months ago
Very good article mate.
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Ashutosh D 11 months ago
Great article, Harry. Loved it.
I do not like Ronaldo that much either. But he is nimble and fast. You could use his speed too...if only he had a play maker's brain.
Messi RulZ! (I couldn't help myself.)
Umm...don't you think that with the West hairdo, you got one fugly player! lol!
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S B 11 months ago
Nice one...Messi all the way- NUMBER ONE.
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Dakota Rubin 11 months ago
Great article. Completely entertaining and an enjoying read.
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Warren Halley 11 months ago
Very enjoyable article and especially considering you are 13.
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Salaar Arshad Shamsi 11 months ago
Haha..Brilliant, Harry..btw..who's chest?
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Ismail Ayub 11 months ago
Giggsy's chest, so DAMN hairy... But seriously, Ade's, he's good at chesting balls down...
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illya mclellan 11 months ago
great read mate, thought materazzi was more influential in the italian effort though with his dive against Australia for the penalty and his pissing off Zidane to win the final.
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Michelle Alves 9 months ago
Very Unique! Brilliant work dude :) I loved it!
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