Hello there, ladies. My name is Thomas Brown. I am going to be quite honest with you: I don't get very many ladies my way, but I've seen plenty of you around Bleacher Report.

So I thought I would try my cards with what might be a dicey decision, but I am going for it anyway. I'm offering a full-compliment dinner date to any lady on Bleacher Report who would love to go out for a nice romantic evening with me.

To make things a little easier, I will list some facts about me so you can get to know me better before we take the next step together...

General Facts:

I am a man seeking a woman.

Living within the boundaries of the world (I will fly to you if necessary).

My Basics:

Height: 5'5", 197 lbs.

Body type: Curvy with some spunk

Relationships: Never had one

Sign: Aries

Turn-ons: Erotica, skinny dipping, candlelight dinners, making slurping noises

Turn-offs: Talking, cuddling, going to movies

My Appearance:

Eyes: Greenish-blue

Hair: Platinum

Best feature: Toenails and knuckles

My Lifestyle:

Exercise Habits: Never

Daily diet: Meat and potatoes, fast food

Smokes: Cigar aficionado

Drinks: Regularly, hypnotic, ya got it?

Job: Part-time janitorial job at the zoo

Income: Less than $25,000

Living situation: Live with parents/extended family

Pets: Gerbils

If you would like to know any more, just message me on my board. I hope this will spark a few Bleacher Report women's interests out there so I don't have to go on without a girlfriend for so long.

I hope this resume suffices. Thanks a lot for your consideration, ladies.