10. The demands of being Irish-Catholic: Yes, we know that you are a Catholic Institution. Yes, we know that you have a derogatory Irish Mascot. Yes, I happen to be both. No, I don’t feel obligated to support you.
Facts show that nearly 14 percent of the United States thinks they are Irish, and over 26 percent claim to be Catholic (80 Christian). From my own research, 95 percent of the U.S. thinks they are Irish and 99 percent of those people claim to be Catholic-ish (Those numbers increase depending on how far you are into the tailgate).
Furthermore, you can make anything green, slap a shamrock on it and it will sell. Notre Dame has been abusing that fact for over a century. Seeing Notre Dame apparel is the only time when I wish I wasn’t Irish.
9. Lou Holtz’s Lisp: Listening to this man makes me long for Lee Corso. When did having a speech impediment move you to the top of the list for anything, especially TV analysis? Someone has a pact with a higher power…
8. WWTDJD: How do you like to picture Jesus? Notre Dame likes the Touchdown version the best. Sorry Boston College. Sorry TCU. Sorry SMU. Sorry Villanova. Touchdown Jesus supposedly lives in South Bend.
Unfortunately, over the last 10 years it appears as though the big guy spent more time watching Boston College games: Since the '97 season Boston College is 87-48, Notre Dame is 78-56. Plus the way things are going lately looks like he has been in Ohio anyways.
7. Notre Dame is in South Bend which is in Indiana. Anyone that knows me knows that I have an eternal beef with the state of Indiana. South Bend, not impressed. I spent time in Elkhart, even worse. My permanent vote for worst city in the United States; Gary, Indiana. The whole state smells like homemade playdoh. That is why people from Indiana have more narrow faces, it’s just evolution.
6. Heisman Voting: Notre Dame boasts about having the most Heisman winners in its history with seven (tied with USC and Ohio State who actually has six winners and seven trophies). I have a problem with two of their last three winners.
Let's start with Paul Horning, who took the Bronze Stiff Arm in '56. Horning was the running back for a Notre Dame team that finished 2-8 when he took home the prestigious honor. Who should have won? How about Jim Brown? His Syracuse Orangemen went 7-2 that season and were ranked eighth in the country. Or how about Johnny Majors from the 10-1 first ranked Tennessee?
The next and latest Irish player to win the Heisman was Tim Brown in '87. It made him the first wide receiver to win the award.
Brown’s '87 Stats: 34 Rec, 846 YDS, 34 PR, 401 YDS, 144 YDS, Rusing 23, KR 456 YDS, eight TDs.
Who should’ve won? How about Don McPherson of Syracuse who led the Orangemen to an 11-0 regular season before tying Auburn in the Sugar Bowl and finishing fourth in the country? Notre Dame went 8-4 in '87 and ranked 17th in the AP and UR in the Coaches' poll.
5. Do you like your shillelagh with jewels or without? They play five rivalry games a year. That’s right, FIVE. Notre Dame, you are an independent team, you play teams from four or five conferences a year. Did each conference make a case for who hated you more, and thus won the right to be your rival? The state of Michigan has some major problems with you; maybe both state teams will do us all a favor and wipe each other out.
Rivalry Games include:
Boston College: The Ireland Trophy
Purdue: The Shillelagh Trophy
USC: The Jeweled Shillelagh
Michigan State: The Megaphone
4. Rudy. Pre-Reality TV no one got so far with such little talent. If I remember correctly, Rudy wasn’t good enough to make the team. He stuck around for four years trying, but never made it past the practice squad.
Then, after long await he got the epitome of pity minutes, earning 15 seconds at the end of the final game of his four year career (remember, on the practice squad) when the game was over and no one was playing. BUT WAIT he shared a sack. If that doesn’t touch you then you are a rational human being.
Sorry Rudy, you were never good, and plus the movie definitely isn’t in the top five sports movies' discussion. Hell, it isn’t even in Sean Astin’s top five best works (it's behind the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Encino Man, and the Goonies).
3. They were ranked and your team deserved it. I refer you to my previous article about the BCS bias. I also refer you to this database that has ranked the most overrated and underrated teams 1989.
2. They were in a bowl game and your team wasn’t. We make a huge deal out of Hawaii going undefeated, winning a BCS Conference, and getting to play in a bowl. Notre Dame, on the other hand, has gone to BCS bowl games with multiple loses, aren’t in a conference, and have proceeded to lose their last nine appearances. How can this happen?
1. Money. As if the very fact that Notre Dame has an NBC contract to televise every single home game through 2010 isn’t enough to make you want to convert, it gets worse. In 2004, NBC extended the contract through '10 after losing the Insight.com Bowl to Oregon State by 17 points.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t their seventh straight bowl appearance loss. Don’t worry they will lose their next two as well. That is enough to make any college football fan mad. To add insult to injury they receive so much money that they repaint their helmets with real gold before every game. I think there was something in the Bible about worshipping things made of gold but my memory is a little fuzzy.