What's up, fellas? My name is Eric Kanes and I will be doing a weekly SmackDown review called "Smack Talk." I will also be doing RAW Reviews, but that still needs a cheesy catchphrase. Let's just say that in today's era of wrestling, if you watch without a sense of humor it can become lethal at times so expect lots of jokes. Anyway, without any further ado, taped from Albany, New York, let's talk some smack.
Alberto Del Rio came out to have a fiesta celebration, and talked about squashing "the chihuahua" Rey Mysterio. Similar to the "that was mean" line by Big Show on RAW, that's what you call PG dissing. Del Rio's heat is pretty impressive though. I don't think I've ever seen a newcomer so over so fast. Eventually, Christian crashed the fiesta and had a few weak attempts at humor by calling Del Rio "Juan Bradshaw Layfield" and challenging him to a match. Del Rio bailed and McIntyre attacked Christian from behind and spilled some champagne on him, which probably isn't PG. I guess this sets up a future Del Rio vs. Christian feud.
Christian d. Drew McIntyre (*3/4)
This match got about 7 minutes and it was what we're used to seeing from these two. See, what I don't get though is why Christian would just go over, for the second time against McIntyre. Clearly, he's pretty much done in the WWE and it'll be forgotten by next week but McIntyre is the one they've been trying to put over. So why would they just have him job like that? It's the Jack Swagger story all over. On RAW, Sheamus would've went over in four minutes. On SmackDown, McIntyre jobs in seven.
Hornswoggle appeared backstage in another abominable segment where Teddy Long and a psychologist try to get him to talk. Now that is what you call a 6 pack challenge. This was brutal.
Michelle McCool d. Kelly Kelly (3/4*)
Michelle McCool beat Kelly Kelly clean in two minutes with Layla not making the match any better on commentary. So...we fire Serena after drinking in public and Mickie James after a minor incident but oh no, models can get away with misdemeanors because we need more matches like this. This was more brutality.
Dolph Ziggler d. Chris Masters (*1/4)
Masters is still employed? Good to know. Ziggler went over in a RAW-style three minute special after hitting a Zig Zag. Nothing worth mentioning here. Moving on.
Big Show d. CM Punk & Luke Gallows (*3/4)
We got a longer match but this was proof of how longer matches don't always mean good matches. It was mostly Big Show vs. Luke Gallows with Big Show making him tap to a camel clutch-style submission hold. Post match, Punk hit Gallows with a GTS. I guess this means the end of the SES with Serena released and Mercury injured. I'll have a column up and who potential replacements for Mercury could be to potentially save (no pun intended) the SES (and it's not who you think) so stay tuned for that.
The VIP Lounge hosted by Jack Swagger was next. His guest was Bunkhouse Buck from WCW, who apparently is his father and apparently is in a wheelchair. Swagger starting doing push ups until MVP came out and tore the set up. Swagger threw Bunkhouse Buck-Swagger at MVP and MVP hit the ballin' elbow drop on him. Extremely lame segment. Where is this feud going?
"Dashing" Cody Rhodes d. Matt Hardy (**1/4)
Ha! I am slowly but surely jumping on the Rhodes bandwagon. He said that Matt Hardy doesn't pay attention to his grooming tips because he has a snowslope for a nose and is overeating. Rhodes can really go far with this unique, narcissistic gimmick. This is how you get properly groomed (no pun intended). Rhodes went over in about 10 minutes after Cross Rhodes. Once again, this is how you properly get over.
The ending was brutal. I mean like extremely brutal. I am really getting tired of seeing the SmackDown main event being Kane and The Undertaker talking. I mean, they say the same crap every week about VENGEANCE~! and demons, but do you really expect me or anyone else to care? And you've got to be kidding me if you expect me to give a s**t about who the devil's favorite demon is. I mean, for Christ's sake, the devil has been put over more than the title they're supposed to be feuding over. Anyway, Kane cut a taped promo from backstage, came out in a casket, talked some more, Undertaker took 10 minutes to come out, Kane dissappeared, and talked some more backstage. This was another six pack challenge. Brutal.
Three Stars of the Show
1. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes - I am loving this guy right now.
2. Alberto Del Rio - He's crazy over.
3. The Devil - Hey, he's been put over more than half the midcard scene. Who's his favorite demon? Pay $50 to find out.
Worst Moment of the Week
Kane/Undertaker segment by a long shot. Remember when Kane couldn't talk in 1999? Well, they should keep it that way.
Show Rating - 5/10
Alright, hope you enjoyed my first ever column. This was one of the worst SmackDowns of the year, with RAW-style three minute specials and the agonizing Hornswoggle and Kane promos. Leave your feedback below or email me at EKanesTV@gmail.com. The column about Joey Mercury's replacement will be up sometime on the weekend and until then, I am out.