This is Cristiano Ronaldo and his beautiful girlfriend Irina Shayk. They’ve been dating for a couple months now.
Yawn. How droll.
Sports fans love excitement, and when the most attractive man in soccer is attached to someone, they become bored. They want him partying up at Europe’s most chic nightclubs with VIP rooms stuffed with more Miss Galaxys than there are galaxies.
Sure, it makes them jealous, but since Ronaldo will likely break Wilt Chamberlain’s record of boinking 20,000 women, they understand.
The interesting thing about Ronaldo is that he can have any woman he wants. He’s so (insert extremely cool adjective here) that all women grovel at his exquisitely quaffed ‘do.
With more options than anyone on Earth, who do sports fans really want to be the soccer star’s newest eye-candy?
Engaged women? Swimsuit models? Zombies?
Let’s find out.
Side note: For those readers who see this article as a lemon of an assignment, please just let it go. No matter what you say, I always follow my mom’s sage wisdom.
“When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.”
Extremely sexy lemonade.
Follow me on Twitter.
Yes, this is clearly a joke pick, that’s why it’s unranked.
But when all men pick Ronaldo as the hotter part of this couple, it might put Gaga in her place.
Elin made a mistake by dating Tiger Woods because he kept his "player" status a secret.
At least with Ronaldo, she will know all that well in advance.
When McLean was younger, she chose to become a glamour model over a career in the Army.
It was probably impossible to hide that body with all the camouflage in the world.
This pairing could make tabloid publishers pop boners in mid-photo.
Their nights would consist of these two fame-whores seeing who has the most paparazzi pictures each week.
And only that.
This beautiful model’s only connection to sports is that she was once spotted snogging with Mike Tyson at a nightclub.
If she gets with Ronaldo, she can have a pass.
This is clearly a professional photo of Walcott, taken on a beautiful set with clothes she borrowed from the publication’s wardrobe.
With Ronaldo, this will be just another Thursday morning.
Billard is a well-known model from Texas who is working her way up in the world as an actress and video vixen.
After seeing her body, I’m pretty sure Ronaldo couldn’t care less.
Miss Wales 2003 is the definition of a brainy beauty, as she has a degree in psychology and health studies to go with her looks.
However, a different kind of brain will come in handy in this relationship.
That smile can make even the hardest of men completely melt.
Her butt, on the other hand, can make the hardest of men….well, hard.
James Blake is one lucky duck for snagging Ebanks, a Victoria’s Secret Angel and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model.
If Blake can get with her, Ronaldo will have no problem.
Carbonero currently dates World Cup champion Spain’s goalkeeper Iker Casillas and seems plenty happy with her situation.
Although, if Ronaldo could steal her away, Peninsular War II might be on it’s way.
Classy women often promise their country that they will go streaking through the streets if the national team wins the World Cup.
Riquelme’s Paraguay lost in quarterfinals, but she decided she wanted to do it anyway.
Gotta love the dedication.
Grove is exactly the type of woman Ronaldo dreams of every night.
A blonde bombshell who is always in on-and-off relationships and forgives cheating even if it’s in her own home.
So that’s why they call it "Mad Men."
Ridolfi has made her rounds in the soccer stars’ beds circuit, and it’s about time she settles down.
On second thought, screw that. Ronaldo and she can each have fun at the club and come back to each other with no regrets.
America is always trying to find a way to make soccer popular in this country, so why not send America’s sweetheart reporter to date the sports biggest star?
Worst comes to worst, Ronaldo goes on "Dancing with the Stars."
This British babe is a one-woman success story. She does everything including acting, modeling, hosting, dancing, and singing.
Now, she just has to do Ronaldo.
Chen must be a huge sports fan.
How else would she have dated Sun Yue, the most obscure person in the entire NBA?
If Benitez can okay dating Rony Seikaly for any period of time, a single date with Ronaldo must be a dream come true.
Sorry, Heat fans.
Italian tabloids make sure to include Ms. Arcuri, who has a degree in sociology, on as many pages as possible, and for good reason.
Imagine if she came up to you and asked you to participate in her study. You’d be pants-less before she finished her question.
Tappenden used to date a Fulham striker who taped a huge picture of Nicola’s chest above their bed so he could wake up to it every morning.
Luckily for Ronaldo, he can wake up to the real thing as his pillow.
Foster could go from one of the MLB’s most attractive men in Matt Kemp to one of soccer’s.
Not a bad track record, except if she moves on to LeBron.
Sure, she might be a diehard Italy fan now
After a single trip to Ronaldo’s gorgeous digs, she will trade in her old red and green flag for Portugal’s colors.
Verešová has been out of the spotlight since she broke up with Jaromir Jagr in 2003.
We’ve missed you so.
Look, she’s bending her in the shape of a soccer goal!
Ronaldo will be putting the balls in that goal in 3…2…1…
Thierry Henry is definitely not the only soccer star who’d love to stare upon this beauty.
Sure, Ronaldo would have to steal her from France’s Tony Parker. But at least she wouldnt have to be bored to death by Tim Duncan anymore.
I have only one complaint with this woman.
Learn how to spell.
Iker Casillas’ former girlfriend and Miss España 2003 would make an excellent match for Ronaldo.
If she needs to sneak out to visit her beau, it’s only a short drive to Portugal.
She made her homeland of Argentina very proud when she brought back a recent boyfriend whose last name is Assmann.
Looking at her, I think I might have to change my last name…
Bodypaint is God’s gift to man.
Luckily, it’s on a beautiful woman this time. Imagine if it were on Reggie White…
Jessica Biel could go from Derek Jeter to Ronaldo and feel completely at home.
Jeter is America’s biggest ladies’ man, and Ronaldo is Europe’s. She knows the waters she treads in well.
If she trades in that Cubs jersey for a Real Madrid one, she might get to watch a team that actually wins.
And she’d still be naked. We all win!
Schoolgirl outfits are one way to tease a man to no end.
Having eyes like that is another.
I always thought hour-glass shape was for describing a girl side-to-side.
But with Lodo’s protrusions, we might have to turn that idea 90 degrees.
Amanda Harrington’s dream in life is to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated.
But if she can’t make it, she can live vicariously through Ronaldo. I’m sure can do the rest vicariously to her.
Fernandez lists being an actress and a model as the main focuses of her career.
Add arm-candy to that list.
Dworaczyk knows how to deal with primetime athletes. She dated Jason Kidd for a while.
Dating Ronaldo is a step up for Hope, simply because he won’t leave her once she gets pregnant, like Kidd did.
I wonder which number is higher:
Seredova’s appearances in Playboy and Penthouse, or Ronaldo’s appearances in Playmates and Penthouse girls?
Lancaster was a Seattle Seahawks cheerleader for a long time before becoming a MTV star and "Price is Right" girl.
Nice résumé. Now, add Ronaldo’s cheerleader to it.
What makes you more ill:
The seasickness from the boat Sarahyba’s on, or the fact that you might have to watch Ronaldo get with her for years to come?
Cole is no stranger to the life of a footballer.
Ronaldo is no stranger to the life of a well-cleaved lady.
A fight over Bundchen between Tom Brady and Ronaldo might be one of the most watched bouts of all time.
Sadly, the audience would be all women. The men keep their eyes on the prize.
Not sure why Keeley is chewing on rope so sensually here.
But let’s cheer her on.
Megan Fox may be happily married, but with a body like that, a ring won’t keep the boys at bay.
Especially not for the international super stud.
Beads are most commonly used in the celebration of Mardi Gras and kindergartener’s arts and crafts.
They should stick to those two uses, and get out of the way of Miller’s body.
Kudos to Brook for her newest role in Piranha 3D, as we can tell she’s born to act.
Replace “act” with “be ogled,” and it makes sense.
Normally, I’d say there’s no chance Alba could get with Ronaldo.
But considering she married a guy named “Cash,” her decision-making is definitely questionable.
The Israel dynamo has swept the modeling world with her beauty, leading to her relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio.
But even DiCaprio knows Ronaldo is a step up.
Ronaldo can actually perform in big situations, something Andy Roddick could never do.
Sounds like this couple has trouble in the bedroom.