Breaking News: B/R Writer's Dreams Come True! (Satire)
Fellow Bleacher Creature, Miss Annie realized her life long dream last night. Due to her "ecstatic" behavior, I have the extreme pleasure of chronicling her interesting adventure! It all started with an email, and a tweet:
"funny...My email alert sounded off the same time Michael Cole's laptop did...and I got excited..turns out it's a notification fr...."
She checked it and turns out that it said:
"From Twitter: @RandyOrton sent you a direct message: 'Annie, I want you to come and run away with me!'"
Her reply would be: "hell yeah, let's go! Wait, I'll just go pack my bags. :) See ya later."
She couldn't believe it, out of the blue, THIS! THIS HAPPENED! Just as she was packing here email alert went off again...
"@RandyOrton: 'But wait! There's no need to pack! A whole new wardrobe is yours! Come now'"
In slight confusion, she replied "Are you sure you got me a whole wardrobe, hmm? *winks* I'll be there in a breeze! LOL"
She went on every travel website possible, but all flights to and from Missouri were SOLD OUT! She pondered for a couple seconds, and remembered she still had Cena's number from the Christmas Party a couple years ago. She gave him a quick call...but found out that he was helping a dying baby! He had to choose between Annie and the baby!
She screamed on the phone to John: "Get that baby here, I'm at the hospital right now and there are lots of doctors here. And if you don't come pick me up I'm so gonna inject liquid kryptonite on your freaking veins! Do you hear me John? I will f'n do it! Get. Here. NOW!!!"
He quickly "flew" over there with his superman powers with the sick baby in tow. Annie was excited to have her dream finally realized, until another obstacle came up...the baby needs surgery, and it'll take at least 3 hours to complete!
Annie's mood quickly turned from excited to aggravated.
"I'm not a freakin' doctor and neither are you!" *shakes John up*, "Take me to Missouri now or this will be the end of you." *shows liquid kryptonite* "You can always come back here after you take me to Randy. Come on John...you wouldn't wanna disappoint your best friend Randy, do ya? She pleaded darkly to him.
John agrees to take Annie if she assures him the baby will be ok. She nods in approval, and he takes her swifly over the ocean...until a few fans stop him for autographs. He stops and signs a couple. But then! More fans come, and more, and more! Soon there is a sea of fans and it is impossible to fly away!
In total and utter desperation, she screams at all the fans: "Wait, don't come near him! He has anthrax powder sprayed on him!" Then she turns to him and tells him angrily, "Get me the phuck outta here right now!"
He replies, "Geez, woman...you are scary! Alright, hop on my back, let's go."
After what seemed like an eternity, they finally get to Missouri and Cena drops her off. Annie then wanders in a dark alley, and gets confronted by Kelly Kelly! She is in this attire and is threatening to kill her! Without Cena or a way out, Annie resorts to the only thing left. She turns into her alter ego, Psylocke! And IT IS ON. *cue action music*
As Psylocke, she has telepathic ability and talks to Randy: "sweetie, I'll be there in a sec, just disposing of something. Umm..can you get the bath ready? I feel sticky hanging on to John."
Annie swings, She swings. She flings both of your weapons away, and goes for the kill...when all seems lost, Annie pulls out a victory and quickly stabs her in the chest with a lead pipe lying by a dumpster. She falls to the ground, and says these final words: "I Hope....your happy....together...*last breath exhale*"
For a moment she thinks, "Jesus, I've turned into a murderer. Oh well, she attacked me first." She then runs over with the speed of three ninjas to Randy's house.
Ok, so after, she finally reaches Randy's house and the guard dog barks away at her! She doesn't want to hurt it...but with it barking like hell, she's pretty sure Randy would hear that, and Annie just can't call him out or via telepathy to open the goddamn door.
She says: "Made it...did you get my bath ready?"
He says -- "With flower petals and all...have I told you you look awesome dirrrty?
After all the raunchiness and such...then he asks her: "France, Hawaii, or where ever you'd like"?
She sweetly replies: "Wherever you want...i'm sure it'll be heaven anyway."
Randy decides to take her to lovely Las Vegas! Where they play all there is to play, and then, they go to one of the marriage thingies in Vegas and get hitched, and have a wonderful life together....until...
....her pet dog licks Annie all over and she's like "Oooh Randy thats nice", and she wakes up and realizes it was all just a dream...
I hope you've enjoyed this little satire that me and my good friend, Miss Annie have came up with. Until next time, bleacha creachas!
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