When Charles Barkley opens his mouth to speak, a lot of different things can happen.
Barkley may give some great basketball insight (unlikely).
Barkley may wreak havoc on the English language (probably).
But, one thing is for sure. The hardest decision in the wake of a Barkley quote is whether to cringe, or just laugh.
So here are the good, the bad, and the ugly.
"Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."
Barkley is right when it comes to politics, they are corrupt. Even if the quote is a bit vulgar.
A little background for those who may not know, Carruth is a former Carolina Panthers player who was found guilty of conspiring to kill his girlfriend.
Maybe Barkley should get a job with Fox News instead of TNT.
Ernie Johnson: "Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort."
Barkley: "20 points and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"
So it is true! Athletes are given academic advantages based on how good they are!
Just kidding. I kind of had an idea, but thanks to Barkley for clearing up any misconceptions about how he lasted three years of college.
"If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."
This is one of those that should produce more laughs than cringes.
Unless you're the girl with the great personality...
"Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots."
OK, Stevie Wonder is blind, but that isn't funny.
Barkley isn't the only person who makes Steven Wonder jokes in a bad attempt at humor, but that is no excuse.
Here's a quote for Barkley:
"So, you mock my blindness? Let me tell you this. You with your precious eyes, you're blind to the corruption of your life, to the house you live in." -Tiresias
"I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock over the stove."
It's not the early 1900s anymore, Charles. Statements like this simply don't fly anymore, and they shouldn't.
What would Cheryl Miller, Barkley's co-worker, have to say about this?
"Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."
Once again, Barkley displays his ignorance.
Barkley is one of those guys who was born without a filter; he really should think a little more before he speaks.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine. Do you have any regrets?"
Charles: "Yeah, I regret we weren't on a higher floor"
While kind of funny, the implications are not.
Barkley threw a guy out of a window at a bar.
He was lucky enough that the guy wasn't seriously injured as it was.
A higher floor? As in serious injury or death to the other guy?
Come on. You got off with community service and a fine because you're Charles Barkley, just be happy and shut up.
"I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."
This displays a level of ignorance that is surprising even for Barkley.
"You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."
"I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica Lewinsky has an hour special on HBO this weekend."
"I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl. Imagine if his name was Earl the Rapper."
"Yeah Ernie, it's called defense. I mean, I wouldn't know anything about it personally, but I've heard about it through the grapevine."
To Billy Crystal, a Clippers fan: "How did you not become a Laker fan like all the other phony celebrities?"