Miami Heat Cut LeBron Upon Realizing How Over-Rated He Is (Satire)
In a shocking turn of events, the Miami Heat released Forward LeBron James from the team.
Pat Riley made the stunning announcement Friday evening at what many expected to be a routine press conference.
Riley barely lifted his eyes from the paper in front of him as he read the following statement released by the team's front office.
"We would like to announce that LeBron James has been released from the team. This was a unanimous decision that we feel is in the best interest of the team. It was a hard decision but we feel that it will increase our chances of success going forward.
It took some time, but we have come to realize, as many others already have, that LeBron James is over-rated.
Lakers fans and basement bloggers alike have been trying to warn us, but it took us until now to see the truth.
We saw the forums littered with LeBrick, LeGarbage, and LeYouSuck comments, and yet we ignored them.
We admit that we were blinded by the hype. He fooled us with his gaudy stats and highlight reels. He tricked us with his MVP's and NBA records.
We convinced ourselves that it was all real. We never thought that the youngest player to reach every thousand-point milestone in NBA history could actually suck.
We apologize to our beloved fan base for letting you down. We invested untold hours and millions in getting James signed, and now it is for nothing.
We pledge to not let this mistake get us down. We've learned our lesson. Next time we'll go after Amare Stoudemire, Joe Johnson, or Hakim Warrick.
We wish LeBron the best of luck in the rest of his endeavors, whatever they may be. We regret having to let him go, but we must reserve our roster spots for NBA-level talent. Thank you for your support."
After reading the statement, Pat Riley immediately left the press conference, allowing no time for questions.
Several of the NBA Owners who had pursued James in the off-season as a free-agent have expressed relief at narrowly avoiding what the Miami Heat are now going through.
Jerry Reinsdorf, owner of the Chicago Bulls, talked to reporters shortly after the news broke:
"I feel for the Miami Heat, especially considering that that could have been us", Reinsdorf said. "We were not immune to the hype. We did everything in our power to convince [LeBron James] to come to Chicago. I just thank the lucky stars above that he picked Miami. I'm on my way now to give Derrick [Rose] a hug."
Since the news broke, several Heat players have taken to the Twitter airwaves, causing quite a stir.
Miami Heat guard Mike Miller said, via Twitter, "What the [expletive]? I accepted pocket change as a salary so I could play with Bron! Peace out, Miami!"
As to whether LeBron will be allowed to sign with another team, many of the details are still shaky.
Now that LeBron has been exposed as over-rated, it remains to be seen whether there is a team out there willing to sign him.
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