How to Become a WWE Superstar – An Awesome Seminar

Chinmay@@iTsChinmaySenior Analyst IIAugust 9, 2010

A lot of people dream of becoming a WWE star in free time. These are my some supercool tips to aspirants.

(This is second part of my atrocious first article; Want to become a WWE superstar – A Crash Course for Beginner’s.)

(BTW, this is my 16th article; you can bash it or tear it, up to you dear reader)


A Backdrop


Soon after realizing profit potential of pro-wrestling, a smart guy, Mr. Sam opened an ‘International Institute of Pro-Wrestling’ in London. They taught nuances of wrestling in AC classrooms. While searching for experts he read my earlier article and asked me to conduct a seminar for his poor students. To his utter misfortune, I instantly agreed.


(Let us go to Seminar Room)


Mr. Sam: Dear students today we have an illustrious guest to grace us. Mr. Chinmay aka ‘Dr. Know it all’. He has a PhD in anthropological survey of Snobbery. He can pretend that he knows about everything. Therefore, without further delay it is over to him and all of you.

Doc. K’ it all: So, people before starting our seminar I want to know why you want to become a pro-wrestler…

Answers: (voices emerge) I want to become an actor. Nooo, I want to become a Singer (creepy girl’s voice). I want to become a dentist (what?). Aeey, I want to become wrestler (a meek voice)…

Doc. K’ it all: Wait… wait, person who said wrestler gets his butt out of here immediately. I do not address to retards.  Therefore, other fellas, you are free to ask me any questions about how to become a WWE superstar.

Christophe: My name is Christophe. Doc I am a decent wrestler. I want to a become big name in WWE.

Doc. K’ it all: Ok. What other talents do you have?

Christophe: I can eat 20 hamburgers in 47 seconds. Moreover, I played volleyball in KG. Eh that’s it.

Doc. K’ it all: Umm, as I see it, I do see some chances for ya. But I would suggest you to dye your hairs yellow. It will help fella.

David: Doctor, you know there was a guy called HBK, he used to perform Tombstone so well. He’s my icon. Can I ever become like him?

Doc. K’ it all: oh yes, why not… Your hero was so good that he made pile-driver look like a super-kick. If you can make a Cobra Clutch look like a 619, you will go a long long way dude. The way I see it, you have that talent boy. So go…

(David sits down satisfied. Other guy stands up in a rather weird fashion without saying anything.) 

Some Blond: Doc, temme one thing, do we like actually have to rassle? You know what? It spoils my make up…

Doc. K’ it all: Since you don’t know, let me enlighten you dear. You have to pretend that you wrestle. It is not that you actually do it. It just the same way I pretend that I know what am talking about. So don’t worry. And I can see that you have the ‘assets’ to take you far.

Andy     : Doc, I am Andy. (same guy who was standing weirdly) (Stares blankly for next 2 minutes)

Doc. K’ it all: Oh… got you. Do not feel awkward, you can go to the restroom.

Andy     :(Growls) that’s not what I mean (again stares)

Doc. K’ it all: Ok... I understood your problem mate, you have bright future, do not worry at all. Sit down.

Andy     : Fumes, slithers, dances and finally sits down.

John      : Doc, I have heard that there is something called IWC. What is it?

Doc. K’ it all: (sweats, shudders and looks around frighteningly) (Screams) There are no vampires; no voldemort and no IWC get it??? Never believe in such demonic rumors! Do you get me?

John      : Yes doctor. That is what I was telling these people. We should be saying prayers every night instead.

Doc. K’ it all: Are you doing PG here john? I can see that. Anyways, next….

Other blond: Doc I wanted to become a WWE diva. I can sing, I can dance and I am not shy at all.

Doc. K’ it all: (looks at her upside down) Well dear, no doubt you are beautiful. But I can’t help you here.

The only thing that will take you high is silicon. Therefore, you can leave this institute and invest your money in ‘better places’.

Tom       : Doctor, I hate WWE. I wanted to join TNA. What do you think I should be doing?

(Pin drop silence in the class for a second and then everybody bursts out laughing. Tom’s face becomes red)

Tom       : (frowns) I did not say that I saw an alien…

Voice    : You are an alien yourself a**hole…

Doc. K’ it all: Ok, everybody silence. Did not you all watch 12 rounds? Shall I mock you for that? Everybody has a choice and you gotta respect it.

Well. Back to you Tom. See, one way is you sweat it in the gym and ring. Do a lotta hard work and directly try for TNA. It is a good recipe for becoming nice wallpaper in the locker room. I would rather suggest you that have fun right now. Go to WWE. Get out of WWE for say drug consumption. Trust me you will be a star in TNA. That is how you can become TNA star.

My dear students, since we have reached our time limit here, we will take a lunch break. See you at 14.00.


(In such a manner, the seminar ended for lunch break, which never ended. Some students actually went on to become huge stars.  One became part of Nexus, another poster boy, some Diva’s champions and Andy became Anti-hero of his age.)


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