My All Time Worst Premiership Eleven

With all the world eleven, dream team and greatest player articles being written recently, I thought I might chip in with my worst eleven. Not wanting to show my ignorance of world football and get ripped apart, I've decided to just keep this list to the Premiership. I've tried to do a bit of research but I'm sure there are people with better memories than me, so anyone who can think of other suggestions I'd love to hear them. Stories of football failure crack me up. Here we go:

Goalkeeper: Massimo Taibi (Manchester United)

Bought from Venezia for £4.4m in 1999, his howler against Southampton quickly earned him the nickname 'The Blind Venetian'. Another highlight of his Manchester united career was his starring role in the 5-0 defeat to Chelsea. Swiftly sent back to Italy after 4 games.

Right back: Roque Junior (Leeds United)

Surely not I hear you say. He's Brazilian, he's won the World Cup and he's won the European Cup. Yes, after achieving everything worth achieving in the modern game Roque Junior arrived in England in 2003 on a one man mission to destroy Leeds United. 24 goals conceded in 7 games. Job done.

Center back: Winston Bogarde (Chelsea)

Shortly after signing for Chelsea, Claudio Ranieri decided poor Winston was surplus to requirements. As Winston reasoned in his aptly titled book (The Negro Bows To No-one) "I couldn't believe what Chelsea were paying me so I decided to stay put" (who says players don't have loyalty?). 4 years, 11 appearances and 40k a week. A true visionary— bleeding Chelsea dry before anyone else even thought about it.

Centre back: Titus Bramble (Newcastle United)

Titus Bramble's potential at Ipswich gave no clue to his future talent for failed clearances, own goals, mistimed tackles and penalty giveaways at Newcastle. His partnership with Alain Boumsong can only be described as the 'Geordie Chuckle Brothers'.

Left back: Wlliam Prunier (Manchester united)

William Prunier arrived in Manchester in December 1995 on trial. Originally intended to play reserve games, thats exactly what he should have done. His second game, starring in a 4-1 defeat to Spurs, earned him a one way ticket home.

Right wing: Darren Huckerby (Leeds united)

David O'Leary snapped up Darren Huckerby for 4 million in 1999. His trickery and dribbling skills were only matched by his inability to shoot with anymore power and accuracy than a 10 year old boy. 2 goals in 40 games. He has recently gone to play in America—watch out Beckham!

Centre Mid: Nigel Quashie (QPR, Nottingham Forest, Southampton, West Bromwich Albion)

Nigel Quashie's bad luck knows no bounds. Not only is he an Englishman selected to play for Scotland, he has also been relegated with four different clubs. You'd have thought West Brom would have cottoned on. West Ham sell now!

Centre Mid: Alex Nyarko (Everton)

During the 2001/2002 season whilst playing for Everton, a supporter came on the pitch and offered Nyarko his shirt (implying he wasn't good enough to wear Everton's). The Ghanaian immediately showed the crowd what he was made of—he asked to be substituted and demanded a transfer.

Left Wing: Albert Luque (Newcastle United)

Newcastle paid 9.5 million for Luque in August 2005. Despite an impressive history in Spain, Luque managed to score his only goal for Newcastle in 20 games a year later. Spain's answer to Darren Huckerby. 

Centre Forward: Andriy Shevchenko (Chelsea)

Every team has a star player and here is mine. Shevchenko arrived in England the most feared striker in Europe, only to become without doubt the most expensive Sunday League player in the world. 30 million, 47 appearances, 9 goals, 130k a week and the pace of Albert Steptoe. Oh dear.

Centre Forward: Ali Dia (Southampton)

Ali Dia managed to get himself a one month contract with Southampton after Liberian former FIFA World Player of the Year George Weah apparently rang Graeme Souness to tell him his cousin Dia, a former PSG player and 11 times capped Senegalese international, was looking for a club. Souness, using all his managerial talent, snapped him up. Dia made his one and only appearance for Southampton against Leeds on November 23rd 1996—a day that has gone down in Premiership folklore. Matt le Tissier described his performance as "unbelieveble" saying "he was like bambi on ice". 53 minutes in Souness suddenly realised he wasn't related to Weah, he hadn't played for Senegal and that he had just made a bit of a tit of himself.

Thanks for reading. Took me a good while to wittle this down. Darren Fletcher, Ade Akinbayi, Corrado Grabbi, Jason Lee etc. etc.—you came close but even you're not as bad as this lot!

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