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With all the world eleven, dream team and greatest player articles being written recently, I thought I might chip in with my worst eleven...

My All Time Worst Premiership Eleven

by Anthony Sanchez [HUMOR]

13

1,240 reads

Humor

August 01, 2008


With all the world eleven, dream team and greatest player articles being written recently, I thought I might chip in with my worst eleven. Not wanting to show my ignorance of world football and get ripped apart, I've decided to just keep this list to the Premiership. I've tried to do a bit of research but I'm sure there are people with better memories than me, so anyone who can think of other suggestions I'd love to hear them. Stories of football failure crack me up. Here we go:

 

Goalkeeper: Massimo Taibi (Manchester United)

Bought from Venezia for £4.4m in 1999, his howler against Southampton quickly earned him the nickname 'The Blind Venetian'. Another highlight of his Manchester united career was his starring role in the 5-0 defeat to Chelsea. Swiftly sent back to Italy after 4 games.


Right back: Roque Junior (Leeds United)

Surely not I hear you say. He's Brazilian, he's won the World Cup and he's won the European Cup. Yes, after achieving everything worth achieving in the modern game Roque Junior arrived in England in 2003 on a one man mission to destroy Leeds United. 24 goals conceded in 7 games. Job done.

 

Center back: Winston Bogarde (Chelsea)

Shortly after signing for Chelsea, Claudio Ranieri decided poor Winston was surplus to requirements. As Winston reasoned in his aptly titled book (The Negro Bows To No-one) "I couldn't believe what Chelsea were paying me so I decided to stay put" (who says players don't have loyalty?). 4 years, 11 appearances and 40k a week. A true visionary— bleeding Chelsea dry before anyone else even thought about it.


Centre back: Titus Bramble (Newcastle United)

Titus Bramble's potential at Ipswich gave no clue to his future talent for failed clearances, own goals, mistimed tackles and penalty giveaways at Newcastle. His partnership with Alain Boumsong can only be described as the 'Geordie Chuckle Brothers'.


Left back: Wlliam Prunier (Manchester united)

William Prunier arrived in Manchester in December 1995 on trial. Originally intended to play reserve games, thats exactly what he should have done. His second game, starring in a 4-1 defeat to Spurs, earned him a one way ticket home.

 

Right wing: Darren Huckerby (Leeds united)

David O'Leary snapped up Darren Huckerby for 4 million in 1999. His trickery and dribbling skills were only matched by his inability to shoot with anymore power and accuracy than a 10 year old boy. 2 goals in 40 games. He has recently gone to play in America—watch out Beckham!


Centre Mid: Nigel Quashie (QPR, Nottingham Forest, Southampton, West Bromwich Albion)

Nigel Quashie's bad luck knows no bounds. Not only is he an Englishman selected to play for Scotland, he has also been relegated with four different clubs. You'd have thought West Brom would have cottoned on. West Ham sell now!

 

Centre Mid: Alex Nyarko (Everton)

During the 2001/2002 season whilst playing for Everton, a supporter came on the pitch and offered Nyarko his shirt (implying he wasn't good enough to wear Everton's). The Ghanaian immediately showed the crowd what he was made of—he asked to be substituted and demanded a transfer.

 

Left Wing: Albert Luque (Newcastle United)

Newcastle paid 9.5 million for Luque in August 2005. Despite an impressive history in Spain, Luque managed to score his only goal for Newcastle in 20 games a year later. Spain's answer to Darren Huckerby. 

 

Centre Forward: Andriy Shevchenko (Chelsea)

Every team has a star player and here is mine. Shevchenko arrived in England the most feared striker in Europe, only to become without doubt the most expensive Sunday League player in the world. 30 million, 47 appearances, 9 goals, 130k a week and the pace of Albert Steptoe. Oh dear.

 

Centre Forward: Ali Dia (Southampton)

Ali Dia managed to get himself a one month contract with Southampton after Liberian former FIFA World Player of the Year George Weah apparently rang Graeme Souness to tell him his cousin Dia, a former PSG player and 11 times capped Senegalese international, was looking for a club. Souness, using all his managerial talent, snapped him up. Dia made his one and only appearance for Southampton against Leeds on November 23rd 1996—a day that has gone down in Premiership folklore. Matt le Tissier described his performance as "unbelieveble" saying "he was like bambi on ice". 53 minutes in Souness suddenly realised he wasn't related to Weah, he hadn't played for Senegal and that he had just made a bit of a tit of himself.

 

Thanks for reading. Took me a good while to wittle this down. Darren Fletcher, Ade Akinbayi, Corrado Grabbi, Jason Lee etc. etc.—you came close but even you're not as bad as this lot!

 

 

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13 comments Last one added 11 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. mark andrew 11 months ago

    Yeah 5 stars for this effort mate .

    Massimo Taibi , oh dear , he was calamity in every sense of the word . In fact cant you name him Massimo Barthez ? would tie in nicely then with both of Fergies worst signings . ( im a Man U Fan Dont forget , no abuse boys )

    And william Prunier , jesus , wasnt he the guy with the bald head , see he was that good ( not ) , all i can remember is the name lol .

    Ali Dia , man that was hilarious , How on earth did soness manage to pull that one off ha ha .

    And finally Schevchenko , I dont think he is the worst of the worst from that list , he has scored some goals , No where near enough to Repay his price tag tho . Give him this season and see what he does , he may just find his form .

    Apart from that , top laugh , ive not laughed so hard for a bit .

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    • Anthony Sanchez 11 months ago

      Cheers.You right there have been a lot worse strikers than shevchenko.Its just the transfer fee.He wouldn't be a bad buy for about 5 million.

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  2. mark andrew 11 months ago

    Yeh his fee was way too huge , but he is at chelsea , we expected Roman to get the Diamond coated Chequebook out for sheva , they were kinda mates before hand so Roman had no Problem Splurging that amount on him , i think Mourinho objected tho .

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  3. Alan McGuinness 11 months ago

    Shevchenko has been poor, but I don't think he deserves a place in the all-time worst XI. He has 22 goals for the club and managed 14 in his first season which wasn't an awful total. His goal against Spurs was sheer class and it was his presence up front that in part allowed Drogba to get so many goals during the 2006/2007 season.

    In 2007/2008 he was never really given a proper run in the side due to Grant and injuries. The one time he looked like he was hitting top form (scoring a cracker and setting up another in our 4-4 draw with Villa on Boxing Day) he then went and got injured.

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  4. Joe G 11 months ago

    Darren Huckerby gave an interview on San Jose's KRON4 TV station. I think the anchor was terribly misinformed as to Huckerby's talents. Check it out here.

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-B6ucoSoIy4

    Apparently he's an English legend.

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  5. gem asdani 11 months ago

    Scheva should have stayed in Milan, and he certainly shouldn't be on this list. Its just that he had super high expectations that weren't met, he is far from the worst not even on his team, yet in the entire leageue.

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    • Anthony Sanchez 11 months ago

      There were high expectations but what do you expect he was the best striker in europe.There have been a lot worse premiership strikers I put him in because of his value for money really.

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  6. Shyam Parthasarathi 11 months ago

    Good article, Anthony. Surprised that neither Oleg Luzhny nor Igor Stepanovs got on that list, but overall, it looks pretty rock solid, lol!

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  7. Steven Ho 11 months ago

    Brilliant idea for an article Anthony! A great read!

    I would've included Juan Veron, personally. What a waste of space and time he was.

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    • Anthony Sanchez 11 months ago

      Glad you enjoyed it Steven.I did think of Veron but his stats weren't that bad 11 goals in 51 games for a midfielder.Shevchenko makes him look like a bargain for 28 million!

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