The Bad Influence:: The Weekly Heel Report

All throughout my years of being a wrestling fan I have been completely enamored by the dark side of wrestling. No not the steroids, the scandals, or anything that has to do with Orlando Jordan; I mean the bad guys. I love heels in all their heelish heeliness and all the ways they elicit reactions, especially those who are genuinely good at it.

In the land of professional wrestling, being bad isn't something everyone is good at; but for those who are, praise and acknowledgement are necessary. For these reasons I, "Dark Charisma" Mike Simms, will give you my rankings on how the heels in today's companies stack up week in and week out. As this is the debut column, I will give you a breakdown of how this works. Their rank will be determined by three things: win/loss record from this first week forward, connection with the live audience, and storyline importance (ex: holding a championship, #1 contender, major feud, etc.) Stables and factions will be counted as one single entity, yet individual members who stand out will be acknowledged. I will focus on mainly TNA and WWE for now as I am still familiarizing myself with the ROH product. The rankings will be culled from three shows, these shows being Raw, Smackdown, and Impact. I will also list them in order and focus solely on the top 5, so as to not have to deal with the under card, or as WWE calls it Superstars and NXT. Now, without further adieu we begin The Weekly Heel Report!

Raw

The WWE's flagship show features Celtic Warriors, Proclaimers of Awesomeness, and guys who love Yellow & Black. On to Monday Night's Highest Rated Cable Program!

#1 Sheamus

The Celtic Warrior claims the top spot for the most obvious of all reasons: he's the WWE Champion. Now up until recently, Sheamus wouldn't have been the top heel due to him running from Nexus like everyone else on the roster, but his looming match with Randy Orton has seemingly given him top priority. He has a Win/Loss record that is certainly in his favor and is in a perfect position to hear boos as he is being pushed against the most beloved performer in the company at the moment. As long as he can continue to hold on to the title, win matches clean, and get the crowd to continually hate him as a champion who rarely backs down, Sheamus will stay in the top five for a long time.

#2: The Nexus

The Nexus is my favorite storyline in wrestling today. From the unpredictability to the way each member is developing a persona, the faction seems to be firing on all cylinders. The crowd hates them, yet loves to watch to see what they'll do next and they've managed to keep WWE's top (most annoying) dog out of the title picture and have dominated Raw the entire summer. The only gripe I have with the team is the fact that Barrett talks a big game but usually gets taken down easily before barking orders. Cena almost pinned him, Jericho went NHL on him, and I'm sure there are other examples. He needs to be given dominant wins and carry a no fear attitude, otherwise why would the rest of the crew listen to a chump? Outside of that, they also need more singles matches in order ot actually compile a win/loss record, which, as of now, is pretty much just Barrett's defeat of Henry and a handicap match. The moment one of them wins gold, however, they will dominate this list as much as they dominate the Raw roster.

#3: Chris Jericho

Although I debated putting The Miz at number 3 for the fact that he has the Money in the Bank briefcase, I decided Jericho belongs here because he is a top heel on a very crowded Raw. The best in the world at what he does is entirely accurate when stating this bold assumption. Jericho can make anything seem important; whether it be the world heavyweight championship, the intercontinental title, Rey Mysterio, or even the tag titles, which I’m sure Vince totally forgot about. His next mission: turn a total jobber into a true Superstar while battling a bunch of rookies fresh out the FCW oven. He’s had a rough go of it in the wins department, but that can be overlooked simply because his hand is all over Raw right now and appears more than the champion himself.

#4: Edge

"The Rated-R Superstar" is at number 4 simply because Jericho is doing more work. Seeing as his Awesome feud with Randy Orton is over (for now) Edge is a third string player on Team Raw for now. Once The Nexus situation clears up, I expect him to return to tormenting Orton when The Viper inevitably gets the gold around his waist again. He has maintained an even Win/Loss record on Raw, the audience still boos him, with scattered cheers, and he is involved in one of two top story lines on Raw, but he completely would benefit from being the brash, rude, shady character with no allegiances that he plays so well.

#5: The Miz

From Short wearing tool, to aggressive holder of Money in the Bank in two short years, who would've known? I bet Morrison didn't. While we all expected to watch The Awesome One flounder in Raw's midcard hell before being fired, he surprised us with how addicted to his craft he really is. The Miz has steadily improved week after week, to the point where he now main events Raws and stalks Sheamus with the intent of snatching his title. He is still U.S. Champion, but that means nothing, but is being featured much more heavily than he ever has been before. I have a feeling he will be the first man to cash in the briefcase and fail, but I think that's only because Vince has some long term plans centered around this young man and may want to wait until he has a full fledged PPV bout to win the title the right way. As a fan from Real World X, to RR/Rw Challenges to Tough Enough to Raw, I am rooting for the day when he wins the big one and takes his place atop this list.

iMPACT

*Side note* I will be trying to write about the top five heels at TNA without acknowledging the saddest attempt to bring ECW back ever. I can no longer watch my old DVD's and relive all the greatest moments becasue I officially hate ECW and do not want to support it. Dreamer ruined it for me and of course TNA once again shoots themselves in the foot for another shot at looking completely second rate. Now, on to iMPACT.

#1: Abyss

Don't get me wrong, I completely hated Abyss when I first turned on to TNA, but recently the fat sack of fake mankind has grown on me. I love his board with nails, his attacking the meat, and his insane promo delivery. I really believe not a face in TNA can singlehandedly take him down and that someday he will destroy the entire locker room for the hell of it. Unfortunately we have to wait for ECW to die yet again to see where he and Van Dam were going with their match. In the meantime, his wins against faces don't ever hurt him and the crowd has seemingly taken to his new character quickly. Even though some complain about the times its changed, a monster needs to evolve in order to stay relevant (Kane anyone?). I believe once he defeats Van Dam for the title, he will be unstoppable.

#2: Fortune (Styles, Kaz, & Beer Money)

Mark my words, Fortune will become the top heels in the company by the end of this year. While Flair has completely become a legendary jobber, his influence will make these guys as dominant as the Horsemen and Evolution. Styles is going ot eventually turtn face and feud with his stable mates, but in the meantime, he and Kaz will slowly become the biggest threat to all the faces in the company, with the group already having taken the Lege- I mean Glo- I mean TV Title from "The Freaking Worst" Rob Terry. This is just the beginning and when the other two members, main-eventers in waiting Robert Roode and James Storm, join the coalition, expect them to become even more formidable when dealing with the TNA roster. The Wins will come, the crowd already hates them, and when ECW moves out of the way they will continue their ascent. *Because of the fact that Beer Money is also going to join the faction, I have left them off this list, otherwise due to their performances in the best of five series alone, they would possibly have the top spot.*

#3 Doug Williams

He was absolutely brilliant when he started his ‘glorified acrobats’ campaign and never disappoints in the ring. I hate his feud with Kendrick, if only because Kendrick annoys me with how skinny and small he is. Douglas is perhaps the last X-Division champion, as I don’t think any other wrestlers in the division wrestle anymore. What a shame, as Homicide, Amazing Red, and even Eric ‘Do I Matter Yet?’ Young could have some classics with Williams.

#4: Desmond Wolfe

The only reason Wolfe is four is because TNA wants to make him look as ineffective as possible, yet I remember his early matches and pray that when Hogan dies and Bischoff takes his check and leaves, Wolfe will be given his due. This guy has the look, the poise, and the attitude of a champion; all he needs is the politics to fall into place. His current storyline with Chelsea needs to end in a way that has Wolfe just dump her to save his tail and never look back.

#5: Matt Morgan

Why he isn’t a monster heel who destroys people is beyond me. His whole tag team gimmick was interesting but I want a Batista style bad ass who walks around and kicks the faces asses unapologetically, simply because he can. He has potential, but I doubt he will be on this list come next week.

Smackdown!

The bastard child of the WWE now gets sized up as the mid card stars from Raw are still trying to find their footing.

#1: Kane

People say he’s a tweener, yet he keeps trying to kill Rey Mysterio, which I wouldn’t mind, and send him to Hell, also known as Lucha Libre USA with Mark ‘One Punch Nelson’ Jindrakoleono. He clearly attacked Taker and honestly, if I had to wait a decade plus for a second title shot, I would have a chip on my shoulder too. I hope this isn’t a retirement tour, however, and it’s actually a build to Kane dominating again for a while. So far, so good as he is already champion and seems to be gaining even more momentum for a showdown with Undertaker.

#2: Jack Swagger

He needs to go back to the cocky, smiling, push up doing guy he used to be, as that’s when he was truly a heel. Now he just cries, whines, loses and can’t break a 115 lbs. wrestler’s ankle. He’s number two because he is the second biggest heel on the brand, but his days is definitely numbered after his lame ass run with the belt.

#3: Drew McIntyre

The ‘Sinister Scotsman’ (Striker is so smart and informative but has the worst nicknames) has risen to my liking if only because his theme music and the fact that he hates Matt Hardy. His win loss record is a little spotty, but that too will change and I believe he, alongside number four, will surpass Swagger by the end of summer.

#4: Cody Rhodes

I love the gimmick, the new moves, the nickname, the entrance, and the song. This guy looks the part so well and plays it to perfection. He beats out Ziggler for this spot simply because his money in the bank performance was amazing and he genuinely has a massive upswing, whereas Ziggler still wants the second tier title he’s been chasing for a year now. The Dashing One will be world heavyweight champion sooner than later and will even surpass Ted and his misguided attempts to be his father circa 2010.

#5: The Straight Edge Society

My how the mighty have fallen. Punk was unmasked by the Big Show in a lame attempt to showcase the big ones sense of humor and disregard for hard work in building a character. Next, Mercury was unmasked to looks of confusion as the people all around had no idea that a masked man could get a WWE contract and be billed as “Masked Man”. Serena had a relapse but Punk likes her jugs so she’s still in, and Luke Gallows still recites the pledge that nobody even remembers. It’s only a holding patter, I’m hoping, as Punk is still recovering and by September should be back to judging the masses and condemning them to bald scalps. Otherwise, look for the platinum blonde Dolph Ziggler to take the Society’s place.

Closing Thoughts

That’s it for my debut column, hopefully there will be many more to come as I dissect the bad boys of wrestling and how good they are at doing what they do.