The WWE Regurgitation: A Mostly Fictional Trip Down Memory Lane (Satire)
Hello, and welcome to the WWE Regurgitation, where we take a look back at some of the WWE's most memorable moments, like Wrestling Classics, but more culturally relevant.
This episode of the WWE Regurgitation is sponsored by "Bamboo is thicker than Steel: The Definitive Punjabi Prison Match collection," featuring such Punjabi legends as the Undertaker, Batista, and the Big Show.
Note: This is intended as a humorous column. Kurt Angle is not actually an animal.
1941 Tribute to the Troops at Pearl Harbor
7th December 1941: The annual Tribute to the Troops event at Pearl Harbor is marred by tragedy when it is interrupted mid-match by the attack of the harbor by Japanese Kamikaze pilots.
Soldiers and fans at the event didn't know what to be more mortified by: The fact that their lives were threatened by this attack and the subsequent entrance of the United States into the war or the fact that it allowed the Honky Tonk Man to sneak a pin when no-one was looking and continue his Intercontinental title reign by another two days.
The Invasion: WWF vs. WWE
WWF fans around the world were rocked by the Invasion storyline of 2001 where the World Wildlife Fund invaded Raw, demanding ownership of the acronym WWF.
The battle raged on for months before finally being settled in a five-on-five Winner Takes All match, where Stone Cold Steve Austin was eliminated by a bear, and Kurt Angle revealed himself to have been an animal all along, allowing the Humpback Whale to pick up the victory, and forcing the World Wrestling Federation to change it's name to the WWE.
Iain Woods Wins the WWE Hardcore Title
17th May 2001: At a Virgin Megastores signing in Basingstoke, England, which is frequented by such WWE legends as Crash Holly and Earl Hebner, a fan by the name of Iain Woods attacks Crash Holly. He throws Crash through the signing desk, before requesting Earl Hebner count the pinfall.
Woods then becomes WWE Hardcore Champion for the next 15 minutes, until he trips outside the entrance of the store, grazing his knee. The injury allows a passing Stevie Richards to gain the pinfall and become Hardcore Champion for the 64th time that month.
Pictured is Woods during his tenure as Imaginary Intercontinental Champion.
Rock vs. Mankind: Empty Arena II
We all know about the world famous empty arena match between The Rock and Mankind at the half-time break during the Superbowl, but did you know there was a rematch at the half-time break during the XFL's one and only Million Dollar Game?
Yep, that's right, in what is often described by everyone as the greatest match ever fought in an empty arena was repeated just a year or two later in a similar environment.
Mankind was able to pick up the victory after a grueling 25 minute encounter, which actually ate into most of the third quarter, not that anyone noticed.
Official records show that the Rock/Mankind rematch's attendance eclipsed that of the XFL final.
Next Week on the WWE Regurgitation
We speak to Harvey Wippleman about his sex change fiasco of 2001, which resulted in him losing the Woman's Championship.
You'll see footage of the widely renowned first ever TLC match between Buddy Rogers and Bruno Sammartino.
And we'll be catching up with an increasingly estranged Aguila as he documents his 100 greatest matches in the WWE that weren't at Wrestlemania 14.