Nothing screams douche like a slimy college sports coach.
Heinous recruiting violations and academic scandals are often just a part of the job for a big time college football or basketball coach. Just make sure to take a better job before the NCAA begins an investigation!
The 10 coaches on this list have a few things in common. Primarily, though, they have all succeeded at the highest of levels.
And this is no coincidence.
Besides the fact that most of them have gotten to where they are through circumventing all NCAA regulations, being a douche has become a necessity for success. There doesn't appear to be a real rhyme or reason to this, but it does make for some great villains.
Anyway, without further ado, here are the top 10 douchiest coaches in college sports. Prepare for irritation.
As the head coach at the University of Cincinnati, Bob Huggins led his basketball teams to one of the most astonishing records in college sports history: a zero percent graduation rate.
Reports later claimed that the program actually had a 30 percent graduation rate, but Huggins then proceeded to obtain a DUI and a $3 million buyout from the university.
Some might not construe locking Adam Jones, who in Leach's defense was characterized by many as a spoiled punk, in a closet as a douche move.
But, let's not forget that Mike Leach locked a recently concussed player in a dark shed. Punk or not, that is a douche move.
Mike Brey coaches Notre Dame basketball.
Mike Brey looks like he used to roll with the Greasers.
Mike Brey wears a turtleneck every game.
Mike Brey had an affair with a South Bend television reporter who reportedly had a boyfriend.
So, Mike Brey is a douche, right? Mike Brey is a douche.
Rich Rod's departure from West Virginia included a whole slew of douche moves. After accepting the University of Michigan head coaching job, Rodriguez told his players he would leave the program prior to their bowl game against Oklahoma. Instead, he left the team two days later.
Not only did Rodriguez bolt on his team, he did so just months after signing a lucrative and lengthy contract extension with WVU. Classy.
Most recently, Rodriguez and the Michigan program were accused of requiring players to participate in "voluntary" summer workouts and employing five more coaches than the NCAA permits. And all of this came after multiple players left the team due to Rodriguez and his staff's "lack of family values" and reports that he and his staff "belittles his players."
Bobby Petrino's evolution into a douche occurred in three stages.
Douche Act No. 1: In 2006, Bobby Petrino signed a 10-year, $25.6 million extension to remain the head coach at Louisville, who also happened to be the first school to give him a head coaching job.
Douche Act No. 1.5: In 2007, one year after signing his extension, Petrino hopped to the NFL to take over as head coach of the Atlanta Falcons.
Douche Act No. 2: Petrino leaves the Falcons after a Week 13 loss to take the vacant head coaching job at Arkansas, quitting on his team and causing a national uproar. Atlanta won only three games under Petrino.
Douche Act No. 3: Just days after deserting the Falcons, Petrino is introduced as head coach at Arkansas and proceeds to participate in the university's "Pig Sooi" chant on live television, further rubbing his departure in the Falcons' faces and accentuating his douche-ness.
Geno Auriemma has coached women's college basketball for 25 years. Over that span, Auriemma has won countless national and Big East championships, and cemented his place as one of women's basketball's best coaches of all time.
However, Auriemma has also cemented his place as one of college sports' biggest douches.
He essentially bullies every other team in the nation with his outlandishly superior teams, and has still refused to accept the challenge of coaching a men's team. Beyond that, Auriemma once shoved a female assistant during a game, and although merely hearsay, is supposedly a serious douche around the UConn community and college basketball circles.
Out of the 10 coaches on this list, Mark Mangino takes the title of "Most Overlooked Douche." Perhaps because he coached a mediocre program which endured mediocre success under his reign, Mangino has evaded much of the criticism others on this list have faced.
Under Mangino, the University of Kansas was sanctioned for serious academic violations, which concluded in two years of probation.
In 2009, the university conducted an investigation into claims that Mangino was extremely harsh on players, and often resorted to verbal abuse or "grabbing" players. Mangino resigned following the investigation.
Bigger the man, bigger the douche?
So, let's recap.
Lane Kiffin is an innocent, promising offensive coordinator at USC.
Lane Kiffin is hired by the Oakland Raiders and becomes NFL's youngest head coach.
Lane Kiffin is fired after a messy and controversial dispute with Raiders' owner Al Davis. No one is sure who to side with. We later learn we probably should've sided with Al "Sea Monster" Davis.
Lane Kiffin is named head coach at the University of Tennessee.
Lane Kiffin quickly becomes one of college football's most hated coaches after multiple recruiting violations and incredibly stupid comments regarding opposing coaches' "cheating" and the Vols "signing Rocky Top all night long after we beat Florida." Right.
Lane Kiffin leaves Tennessee after one season to replace Pete Carroll at USC.
Tennessee conducts a small scale riot.
Lane Kiffin "maliciously" steals Tennessee Titans running backs coach Kennedy Pola. Titans head coach Jeff Fisher is a USC football alum.
Conclusion: Lane Kiffin is a douche.
John Calipari represents every single thing that is wrong with college basketball.
He illegally recruits the best recruits in the country, who will stay for one year and then bolt for the NBA.
He builds up programs (UMASS, Memphis), and then leaves for a better job just in time to dodge the massive recruiting violations that are annually handed down by the NCAA.
Oh yeah, and he has never won anything.
Calipari is a slimy guy. More importantly, he is a Grade-A douche.
The name says it all.
He never smiles, cowardly bolted from the Miami Dolphins, compared a loss to 9/11, and, well, just about everything he says increases his douche-stature.
Conclusion: Nick Saban is the biggest douche in college sports. We hate you, Nick Saban.