Lane Kiffin: It's Time To Feel Sorry For Lane

Tom KesslerCorrespondent IJuly 27, 2010

LOS ANGELES, CA - MAY 01:  Head coach Lane Kiffin looks on during the  USC Trojans spring game on  May 1, 2010 at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

Lane Kiffin, I'm sorry for laughing at you. Out loud. In public. It is not you, Lane, who should be embarrassed for your actions, it is I.

My parents taught me better than to laugh at a retar…ehm, mentally challenged individual.

It is official, I feel sorry for you.  And for Tennessee.

It has been entertaining reading and writing about you.  But the troubling trend of immature stunts leads one to wonder a few things: Is it okay to soften my dislike of Tennessee ( okay, hatred)…and what grade level are you emotionally?

Publicly accusing Urban Meyer of cheating. URBAN FREAKING MEYER, arguably the highest profile coach, for one of the highest profile programs ( okay , the highest profile program).   Eighth Grade.

Kiffin’s prediction of singing Rocky Top all night long after a big win in The Swamp.  Sixth Grade.

Kiffin dressing unprofessionally at Pac-12 ( okay , Pac-10 ) Media Day in the media capital of the world.   High School Senior.

Kiffin publicly stating he wouldn’t contact his Tennessee recruits as new HC at USC, then being contradicted by Ed Obrgeron ( okay , and phone records).   Kindergarten.

Kiffin mining assistant coaching talent from the Tennessee Titans and being sued.  High School Sophomore.

Impishly choosing to lea ve Tennessee after a stellar recruiting class, to oversee a soon to be NCAA Torpedoed program.  High School Sophomore.

Final emotional grade: Eighth Grade.

Stop the stunts. Stop the words from exiting your mouth before being processed by the brain.  Focus on your program earning the spotlight for positive accomplishments.  Don’t make yourself more important than the program. 

Lane, I’m interested in your well-being. Try to view today’s actions through the lens of history.  Will you be remembered for being a great coach whose genius usurped all those Haskell-esque traits you’ ve proudly displayed like an exhibitionist?  

Or will you be THE yardstick ( okay , barometer) against whom all future blundering coaches are measured?

At this pace, I'm expecting a major implosion as you get more and more desperate to stay relevant (ok, employed).  Just do it big, go all the way to pre-K level by doing something like throwing a punch at the UCLA Athletic Director during a game...that would be a perfect way to go out.