10 NFL Teams We'd Love To Party With
The NFL Season is about to start and college classes are about to resume soon. That could only mean one thing . . . PARTY TIME!
When I think about parties I have to look at movies like Old School, The Hangover and American Pie.
I have compiled the ultimate list of 10 teams that we should all want to party with.
I used a very complex and scientific formula that helped rank the teams from 1 to 10.
The first couple slides will explain the formula, then the ultimate party list will begin.
The Allen Factor (Hangover)
Every party or crew needs to have an Allen. If you don't have one you better go find one ASAP.
The Allen Factor is huge for parties and if you saw The Hangover you know why.
Every crew needs a guy that looks a little strange, like he could murder someone. In all reality he wouldn't hurt a fly but he might add a little something extra to your drink to get the party started.
You need to have a memorable party that you don't remember.
The Frank the Tank Factor (Old School)
Every party needs a Frank the Tank. One guy who you know will lose all self control and most likely his clothes once he reaches a certain alcohol consumption level or attention level.
Nothing is better than people talking about your party the next day saying, "Dude, did you see that naked guy passed out on the porch?"
The Stifler Factor (American Pie)
The Stifler Factor is huge. You need a man that has his priorities straight and mind in the right place.
Without a Stifler you will most likely have a party without hot lesbians, strippers or dance offs. If you are missing any of those three things then you aren't really throwing a party.
A Stifler is a young guy that likes the attention, unlike Frank the Tank, he is young enough to not make it weird to the people in your party.
The Blue Factor (Old School)
"You're my boy Blue!" Frank the Tank
Every party needs an old man in attendance. This could be the true test of your parties magnitude.
If the old man dies from a party overload then your party was a success.
I know this may sound, bad but you'll have people saying this the next day, "I can't believe that old guy died last. What a way to go though! That party was awesome!"
The Babe Factor
The Babe Factor is very important. Going to a party without babes is like Transformers without Megan Fox.
This factor doesn't need explained, the picture does it all. I will move on before I forget what I was writing about.
10. Oakland Raiders
The Allen Factor: Offensive lineman Robert Gallery. With a beard like his you have to wonder what kind of fun stuff he is hiding in there.
Frank the Tank Factor: Head coach Tom Cable. One too many drinks for him and you'll be talking about the naked dude who broke everybody's jaw the next day.
Blue Factor: Owner Al Davis. The dude is old enough to be your dads grandpa, yet he still knows how to live it up in PJ's.
Stifler Factor: Kicker Sebastian Janikowski. Once arrested for a bar fight and being wasted in public this man knows how to party.
Babe Factor: Hidden in all the costumes and paint, female Raiders fans and Raiderettes are smokin hot.
9. Tennessee Titans
Allen Factor: Head coach Jeff Fisher. Not many people can rock the mustache and make it look good. He pulls it off and I want to party with him and his mustache.
Frank the Tank Factor: Quarterback Kerry Collins. Once this man gets drunk enough he'll actually start singing country music. Who doesn't want that at a party?
Blue Factor: Owner Bud Adams. He'll give you the finger and perhaps more if you mess with him at your party.
Stifler Factor. Quarterback Vince Young. Young knows how to make it rain and start fights at strip clubs. Invite him to your party and something is sure to happen.
Babe Factor: Sometimes I'll watch a Tennessee Volunteers game for the babes in the stands. They are all there so I'm sure they'll be coming to the party.
8. Minnesota Vikings
Allen Factor: Defensive lineman Jared Allen. The dude is carrying a satchel, rocking a beard and looks crazy. He is the party.
Frank the Tank Factor: Allen Again. Who can't see this guy streaking?
Blue: Quarterback Brett Favre. At 132 years Favre could become the first player to wear Depends in an NFL Football game.
Stifler Factor: Allen. Seriously who wouldn't want to attend a party that Allen was going to?
Babe Factor: There are plenty of babes in the Metrodome, most likely all expecting a baby thanks to Allen.
7. Arizona Cardinals
Allen Factor: Offensive lineman Alan Faneca. This guy once had a beard that would make the real Allen jealous.
Frank the Tank Factor: Linebacker Joey Porter. You don't want to mess with this guy when he is drunk, though he should probably tone it down.
Blue Factor: Former quarterback Kurt Warner. At 82-years-old and retired you better believe he'll be at the party.
Stifler Factor: Quarterback Matt Leinhart. Leinhart is still scoring off the field thanks to his USC days. At least he is getting some sort of action.
Babe Factor: Between Warner's wife and Leinhart's groupies there is sure to be an excess of babes.
6. Dallas Cowboys
Allen Factor: Tight end Martellus Bennett. Rumor has it that there are naked pictures of him floating online.
Frank The Tank Factor: Quarterback Tony Romo. This guy tends to get love drunk and goes on draining sexual vacations during a playoff bye week.
Blue Factor: Owner Jerry Jones. Jones shows off his title belt in Jello Wrestling that he won against a set of Twins, not bad for an old dude.
Stifler Factor: Wide receiver Dez Bryant. The guy is young and is already attracting a lot of attention Don't expect him to hold your pads.
Babe Factor: No doubt there is some good looking girls in Dallas especially the Cowboy Cheerleaders.
5. New York Jets
Allen Factor: Offensive lineman Nick Mangold. The man has long hair, a beard and he fears no jungle cats.
Frank the Tank Factor: Head coach Rex Ryan. If he doesn't streak sober you know he'll do it after a couple beer bongs.
Blue Factor: Running back LaDanian Tomlinson. The man is 73 in running back years. He already got inked up to celebrate his Jets arrival and has predicted a championship. He must be wasted.
Stifler Factor: Quarterback Mark Sanchez. Sanchez is a play boy that the laides love. Can he become a man and improve on his 12 TD's and 20 INT's?
Babe Factor: It's New York. The babes are already there.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers
Allen Factor: Safety Troy Palamalu. This man not only has the hair to bring a party alive, but odds are he can take a right hook from Mike Tyson pretty well.
Frank the Tank Factor: Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Who wants to ALLEGEDLY get raped up in here?
Blue Factor: Owner Dan Rooney. The man owns the team that has won the most Super Bowls in NFL History. Let's party.
Stifler Factor: Roethlisberger. Big Ben probably got these girls to kiss only after he kissed another dude. What? He was drunk and they kissed!
Babe Factor: Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Babes keep getting fooled to party with Big Ben so you know they'll be there!
3. Cincinatti Bengals
Allen Factor: Linebacker Ray Malaluga. The man is a party animal and he looks the part. Odds are you will find a Bengal in the bathroom the next morning.
Frank the Tank: Pacman Jones. When Pacman knows how to get a party started. Strip Clubs, Guns and Wrestling it can all happen when Pacman is at the party.
Blue Factor: Owner Mike Brown. He knows how to get a party started. He invites everyone! Chad OchoCinco, Cedric Benson, Tank Johnson, Jones, and maybe T.O.
Stifler Factor: Wide receiver Chad Ochocinco. You'll be sure to have one hell of a fiesta with OchoCinco at your party. He not only can dance on the field, he showed his moves on Dancing with the Stars.
Babe Factor: This worries me. Is there babes in Ohio? I'm sure Ochocinco or one of the Bengals players can pull through and bring in some babes for the party.
2. New Orleans Saints
Allen Factor: Tight End Jeremy Shockey. Any hotel he stays at better be beeper friendly. He's got a lot of business going on.
Frank the Tank Factor: Quarterback Drew Brees. This guy is the life of the party. Bring your green hat!
Blue Factor: Owner Tom Benson. Rumor has it Benson had more Beads than Reggie Bush at Marti Gras.
Stifler Factor: Running back Reggie Bush. The guy is young and always has a lot of attention surrounding him.
Baby Factor: Its New Orleans the babes are everywhere. Not to mention once you are a Super Bowl Champ it's a lot easier to get them to show up.
1. Miami Dolphins
Allen Factor: Running back Rickey Williams. I will have whatever is in his satchel. He can make any speech he wants at my parties.
Frank the Tank Factor: Wide receiver Brandon Marshall. Marshall has been on a short leash before in Denver. It will be hard for him to control himself in Miami. Especially with with new friends, Lebron James and Chris Bosh.
Blue Factor: President Bill Parcells. Don't let his strict attitude fool you. This man can party after all Jennifer Lopez is kind of his boss. I would be dancing all day if she were my boss.
Stifler Factor: Quarterback Chad Henne. The guy is young and is the starting quarterback for the Dolphins. That alone will get him any woman he wants no matter what he looks like. (See Romo)
Babe Factor: It's all about the Miami Heat. There is no shortage of babes in Miami. If you want a party Miami is the place to be in 2010!
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