The Balding Effect: Oh It's Good To Be Bald

Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse more stories
The Balding Effect: Oh It's Good To Be Bald

I assure you all... the Stone Cold picture was not a publicity stunt, and most definitely has nothing to do with this article. Okay... just his chrome dome has something to do with this, but read and you'll understand :D

 

Now...Let me be straight with all of you readers here... I am literally sitting at my computer writing this based on what's going through my head at this very moment, so please do not feel compelled to fully grasp my thought process, however it would really help if you do. With that out of the way let me introduce you to the three words that popped up in my head.

 

And that gentle people, is 'the balding effect'.

 

What is the balding effect you might ask, but before you do take a look at the second word in this article's title. Your answer is right there. And for those who don't get it or just want to know what the heck I'm leading to I say to you... patience young grasshopper.

 

The balding effect is as it says: An effect labelled by subsequent balding. Before you ask, yes this is an article about WWE, and no I am not pointing to other aspects of WWE, but rather to the superstars themselves.

 

In particular: Randy Orton. Dave Batista. And CM Punk.

 

These three culprits are sitting on my mind right now and aside from the fact that they are heels (Dave still being included to help here and Randy -who may as well still be a heel seeing as being part of face-land has yet to change anything - is here for past actions), this trio also share another commonality.

 

In their time on the streets of heelville, they have all been bald.

Let's take a trip down memory lane here. When Randy Orton had hair on his head it was up to the point before Legacy became a more serious group who needed a push to amp up their new found dominance. Enter the balding effect.

As he drew closer to that need, Randy's hair grew less and less. Granted when he was 24 he never imagined that five years later he'd be bald... however as those five years passed by our greatness turned the shears on himself. And shaved his head.

Many people at the time questioned his sudden exposed cranium and many found it to be an unnecessary move. To those people I say it was the most necessary move ever.  After his Path of Destruction bit with the McMahons Randy was stuck. He could no longer rely on his heartless actions to portray his lack of sanity so he turned to the look of his character and realized that it had stayed stagnant for nearly six years...maybe more. So Randy Orton decided to shave.

 

And with that shave, it would taste a lie to say that we all didn't believe that he was more dangerous (for some strange reason) with every move he made down to his blinking, and also that thanks to the loss of hair, we all suddenly knew that this man was indeed a loose cannon who hated everybody and was void of any form of sanity.

 

The balding effect spoke when Randy's actions went mute. It told a better story than words ever could. It showed us his transformation from cocky young upstart, to greatness on a roll, to the eventual upgraded version of The Viper act -in '09 to initial '10 - that would marry cowardice to be one step ahead of the competition.

 

 

 

<!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:1; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-CA;} p {mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; margin-right:0in; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-size:10.0pt; mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;} @page WordSection1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.WordSection1 {page:WordSection1;} -->

Next in line we will quickly review Dave Batista. He too, yes I know it's hard to believe, was a man who experienced the balding effect. In his Evolution days, Batista was going nowhere fast. His in ring capabilities were on par with top superstars, and his size and power unmatched most of the time, however the remaining ninety five percent of what makes up a WWE Superstar and a Legend at that was something Batista lacked. He lacked the wow factor, and through th years he was stuck on the plateau as simply being the big bad guy and eventually rolling over to be the big good guy.

Then the balding effect knocked on his door. Batista came back to aid Triple H wen their brain child Orton got out of hand, and eventually went on to face Orton. However, he left again but came back to join Rey and remake their long lost tag team. Over the course of that reunion with his former self, Batista had lost some head hair and was beginning to show signs of change.We the fans watched as that undertone current of change washed over Batista and took out Rey at Bragging Right '09.

 

Batista turned heel and his hair was gone. Suddenly, he sounded better on the mic. He cut great promos. He walked and talked with a new swag normally found in the spine of newcomers. Dave Batista was a new man all of a sudden who practiced the idea of aging like fine wine, and it was thanks partly to the balding effect. Batista was able to evolve to his prime once the hair was gone.

 

Lastly we take a look at the estranged CM Punk. The new bad guy if you will. However that statement is incorrect as CM was never a good guy to begin with. He was merely an opportunist who cashed in on the well-loved Jeff Hardy and became labelled as the bad guy. Over the years CM has pretty much scratched and clawed his way to anything. His fans follow him because he's an interesting character who has always held back that Ace card.

 

Enter the SES. Cm's brain child. He spawned a group with a bald woman and man and labelled it after his first love : The life of StraightEdge. Previously, with his feud with Jeff and all, CM's words of living a life free of drugs-and-alcohol-and-anything-else-that's-bad were never reaching to anyone and that sadly included his own fans. People turned on CM. Why? Because much like the old Randy Orton, he was a stagnant  man. His interesting character had failed to live up to the audience's hopes and so CM was strapped to a rocket aimed for the ground.

Then along came the idea of Samson. What does Samson have to do with anything? Well CM and Samson share a common bond. They both strapped target's to their hair. Samson had locks for strength while CM had locks to showcase his divine purity that no one else apparently has.

Once the SES was made CM’s character molded into something more evil than Randy Orton and more sinister-with-a- purpose than Edge. The man was frightening to say the least as he preached good but acted bad. However some fickle audience members were slowly losing interest in this new CM Punk as he bored them with his dribble.

 

Enter Rey Mysterio. With his sudden match up and odd stipulations, CM’s hair entered the realm of the balding effect. Every day he got closer to losing his hair was the day more people became interested in him and fans jumped back on the Punk bandwagon. Then it finally happened. CM lost his hair in a match with Rey and was forced to become bald.

 

Naturally, everyone desired to see the exposed cranium however, CM decided not to showcase it. Instead he wears a mask, and the move has proved to be genius. Not only has he piqued interests and kept them, he’s shaped his character into a different genre of WWE popularity. The entertaining kind.

 

Baldness and hiding said baldness has amped up the career of CM Punk. It has aided in making our beloved Randy Orton more fierce some and devious than he already was, and it has given the man destined to live without a prime a prime.

 

In all this I see more balding effects creeping up on many more superstars, and it will surely aid them in their time of need. It really is good to be bald.

 

RKO FOR LIFE!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Load More Stories

Out of Bounds

WWE

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address

Thanks for signing up.