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Enough Is Enough: League Takes A Stand, Denies Kovalchuk's New Contract

  • The NHL deems it to be cap circumvention for a player to sign a contract taking them to age 44, or, as it is more commonly known, “Chris Chelios’ Prime”.
  • The NHL’s “Email Expert” has found evidence that this was a retirement contract, based on information obtained from your personal email. To answer what is sure to be your follow up question, yes, we have in fact re-hired Ted Saskin.
  • The NHL did not agree with your comments that “since the Red Wings signed Zetterberg and Franzen to similar deals, there is no reason to void Kovalchuk’s contract”. Zetterberg and Franzen will both be 40 at the end of their deals and there is no reason for the league to believe they won’t be playing at that age, because it is still lower than the average age on Detroit
  • A 17-year contract is not an appropriate number of years. Rick DiPietro’s 15-year contract is a special circumstance, and the league only allowed that deal because we felt bad that DiPietro lifted the pen to sign the contract and broke his arm.
  • The final years on the contract are too low in salary and it is obvious that the player has no interest in honoring the contract’s final years. We understand that Chris Pronger’s contract has the same structure, and we were planning on rejecting that contract too, but Pronger stole our VOID Stamps.
  • One of the main issues is the major salary fluctuation throughout the contract. The difference between the max salary and minimum salary is over $10 million dollars. Do not cite Roberto Luongo’s arrangement as justification. There is a “Stanley Cup Clause” in his contract that states “the player will honor every year of the contract until he has won a Stanley Cup.” The NHL therefore expects Luongo to be playing until he’s at least 50.
  • The NHL’s insurance policy would not allow us to insure the contract, due to a “questionable medical history, specifically a chronic choking condition”.
  • Finally, we scrutinize the dollar value of every deal and the NHL finds $6 million per season to be drastic overpayment for a player who has played in only 27 NHL games. We acknowledge that you have sent us his career statistics, but those numbers list 594 games played for the Atlanta Thrashers. Please send the league support documents outlining what franchise this is, what league they play in and who their owner is, because we have never heard of this team.
Between ThePipesContributor IJune 24, 2016

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