Chad Ochocinco's Ultimate Catch: 25 Free Agent WAGs To Hook Him Up With

Chad Ochocinco has an eccentric personality, and everyone knows it. He’s clearly athletic, and has everything a girl could ever want.

That’s why VH1 thought it would be good to give Eight Five his own dating show.

But have you seen the contestants? When did Spearmint Rhino let all its employees go on leave?

These women would make Susan Boyle proud of her looks. One of my friends says VH1 does less for black people than Jim Crowe. And he is right. Again.

The saying goes that there are many fish in the sea. Ocho must know this because I can’t imagine he’d ever give a ring to one of the contestants.

So it’s time to play matchmaker.

Welcome to the best free agent market in the world. Hell, with these 25 beauties, it’s the best market in the world.

Except Costco.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

25. Erin Andrews

Erin Andrews and Ocho definitely got to know each other on Dancing with the Stars.

And even though her Twitter feed constantly espouses her love for Evan Lysacek, sadly, he’s gay.

Ochocinco must be saying, “Jackpot!”

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

24. Rebecca Loos

David Beckham and Rebecca Loos were rumored to be having an affair, and Loos is known for her crazy side.

Sounds like she’d be perfect for the Bengals standout receiver.

Except even he wouldn’t “satisfy” a pig. (http://bit.ly/dmi2oe)

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

23. Elen Rivas

Elen Rivas has been around the block with quite the number of athletes, and would make a great housewife.

She does look great in her...private attire.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

22. Elin Nordegren

From a Tiger to a Bengal, Elin dating Ocho would prove she knows her way around pussy cats.

As if that were even in question.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

21. Imogen Thomas

This former Miss Wales has been out of the reality show spotlight for quite some time.

And if Tori Spelling can get her own show, then Ocho and Thomas would get a deal with CBS.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

20. Michaela Ochotská

Ochotská’s name is already dangerously close to Chad's, which is one reason to love the blond bombshell.

I can think of at least two more…

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

19. Andrea Verešová

Jaromir Jagr was a damn fool to let this stunner leave his side.

Those eyes could easily melt granite. It’s amazing that they don’t shoot lasers, too.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

18. Noemie Lenoir

Lenoir may not be the most stable girl on the Earth, but neither is Ocho.

And if that is what is waiting for him after a long day on the field, I’m sure he can ignore her erratic behavior.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

17. Katie Price

Price told The Daily Star, “There’s actually quite a few little footies I’d do.”

While she was referring to Ronaldo and Frank Lampard, she probably wouldn’t mind Ocho’s “little footy.”

No chance it’s actually little, however.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

16. Vanessa Perroncel

Perroncel has already been accused of having an affair with footballer John Terry, but has denied it completely.

Those legs make her so damn believable.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

15. Zena Foster

This Zena is not some muscular warrior princess.

But for some reason, I just don’t think Ocho will be complaining.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

14. Daniela Cicarelli

The Brazilian beauty Daniela Cicarelli married the great Ronaldo in 2005, and divorced him 86 days later.

The soccer star ate all of her clothes. Oh boo-hoo.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

13. Hope Dworaczyk

Jason Kidd has a great basketball IQ, but his intelligence doesn’t shine through to his social choices.

Can whatever she’s wearing on bottom be classified as a window?

Ocho can only Hope.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

12. Eva González

Somehow, this Spanish, sultry sweetie is not even the most attractive woman that Spain’s keeper Iker Casillas has dated.

But compared to the contestants on the Ultimate Catch, she’s hot enough to melt the Earth’s crust.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

11. Jessica White

Jessica White has already been plenty cozy with Ocho’s buddy Terrell Owens.

Normally, it’s not cool to go after a friend’s ex. But when the girl can evaporate the water around her, you make an exception.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

10. Amii Grove

In 2008, Grove and ex-fiancée decided to call off their engagement on Christmas.

If she comes to Cincinnati, Ocho is putting up as much mistletoe as possible.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

9. Bianca Gascoigne

Okay, so Gascoigne is not a WAG, but instead a SAD (son and daughter of an athlete).

But she knows her way around balls much better than any of the ladies on Ultimate Catch, and she’s much more…talented.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

8. Nereida Gallardo

Gallardo used to date Cristiano Ronaldo, and she may have been dumped for her endless desire to prance around the beach topless.

Did the city of Cincinnati collectively start drooling?

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

7. Patrycja Mikula

Ochocinco is known for his ridiculous cars, most notably his birthday whip that looks more like a AAA vehicle.

With Mikula’s butt, he won’t have to pay for more cupholders.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

6. Amanda Harrington

Harrington loves boys who make bad choices. Her ex Joey Barton has been charged with assault twice and broke a pedestrian’s leg after running him over.

Ocho decided to go on VH1. Career suicide normally constitutes a bad decision.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

5. Erica Ellyson

Erica Ellyson has always been one of my favorite pose-body-stare combinations.

And if she’s wearing that, Ocho’s joining the club faster than any one reading this.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

4. Amber Lancaster

Her bottoms tell me to “guess,” but there should be no doubt in Eight Five’s mind about this girl.

Plus she’s a star on the Hard Times of RJ Berger, so she’s got some success on her own.

I wonder why it’s call “Hard Times.”

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

3. Jennifer Scholle

Ahh yes, the old mirror trick. Look at her audience seductively, and let the reflection do the talking.

If she gets with Ocho, he’s going to get more mirrors than a circus fun house.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

2. Elsa Benitez

She married Rony Seikaly at one point, so her standards can’t be that high.

And compared to Seikaly, Ocho might as well be Brad Pitt.

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.

1. Keeley Hazell

Ochocinco is a big fan of celebrations once he scores a touchdown.

Hazell brings a new opportunity: The Motorboat.

But then again, so many of these gorgeous women give him that opportunity.

So who would you pick?

Check out more from Ross at LA Sports Examiner and follow him on Twitter at Rossel64.