Chad Ochocinco's Ultimate Catch: 25 Free Agent WAGs To Hook Him Up With
Chad Ochocinco has an eccentric personality, and everyone knows it. He’s clearly athletic, and has everything a girl could ever want.
That’s why VH1 thought it would be good to give Eight Five his own dating show.
But have you seen the contestants? When did Spearmint Rhino let all its employees go on leave?
These women would make Susan Boyle proud of her looks. One of my friends says VH1 does less for black people than Jim Crowe. And he is right. Again.
The saying goes that there are many fish in the sea. Ocho must know this because I can’t imagine he’d ever give a ring to one of the contestants.
So it’s time to play matchmaker.
Welcome to the best free agent market in the world. Hell, with these 25 beauties, it’s the best market in the world.
25. Erin Andrews
Erin Andrews and Ocho definitely got to know each other on Dancing with the Stars.
And even though her Twitter feed constantly espouses her love for Evan Lysacek, sadly, he’s gay.
Ochocinco must be saying, “Jackpot!”
24. Rebecca Loos
David Beckham and Rebecca Loos were rumored to be having an affair, and Loos is known for her crazy side.
Sounds like she’d be perfect for the Bengals standout receiver.
Except even he wouldn’t “satisfy” a pig. (http://bit.ly/dmi2oe)
23. Elen Rivas
22. Elin Nordegren
21. Imogen Thomas
20. Michaela Ochotská
19. Andrea Verešová
18. Noemie Lenoir
17. Katie Price
Price told The Daily Star, “There’s actually quite a few little footies I’d do.”
While she was referring to Ronaldo and Frank Lampard, she probably wouldn’t mind Ocho’s “little footy.”
No chance it’s actually little, however.
16. Vanessa Perroncel
15. Zena Foster
14. Daniela Cicarelli
13. Hope Dworaczyk
12. Eva González
Somehow, this Spanish, sultry sweetie is not even the most attractive woman that Spain’s keeper Iker Casillas has dated.
But compared to the contestants on the Ultimate Catch, she’s hot enough to melt the Earth’s crust.
11. Jessica White
10. Amii Grove
9. Bianca Gascoigne
8. Nereida Gallardo
7. Patrycja Mikula
6. Amanda Harrington
Harrington loves boys who make bad choices. Her ex Joey Barton has been charged with assault twice and broke a pedestrian’s leg after running him over.
Ocho decided to go on VH1. Career suicide normally constitutes a bad decision.
5. Erica Ellyson
4. Amber Lancaster
Her bottoms tell me to “guess,” but there should be no doubt in Eight Five’s mind about this girl.
Plus she’s a star on the Hard Times of RJ Berger, so she’s got some success on her own.
I wonder why it’s call “Hard Times.”