Lebron James For President (Satire)

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Lebron James For President (Satire)
Doug Benc/Getty Images

July 4th, 2022

After winning an NBA record 7 championships in a row from 2011 through 2017, the immortal Lebron James, a.k.a The King, hung up the boots for good and threw his hat into the political ring.

After averaging 38 points, 14 assists, and 12 rebounds through season 2016-17, many questioned why the chosen one would walk away from the greatest team the NBA has ever seen in the Miami Heat; to get involved in a game he has had no formal training in.

The King himself, during an 8 hour Espn marathon special, said "I have dominated the NBA for 15 years. All those that have come before me have been swept in my wake. The Heat have become stronger every year since I joined them and I believe that even with my retirement, they are good enough to win 70 games next year on the way to another championship. I have nothing left to prove in basketball. There will never be another Lebron James".

When questioned during the Espn special about his political aspirations, Lebron said "I care about the world man. I care about the kids, and the future of our great country. If I can use my status as the chosen one to change the world, then so be it. It is my duty to my brothers and sisters of America, to use my popularity to make a difference."

So here we are 6 years down the track, and Mr. James has proved to be a sometimes popular, yet always controversial politician. After winning the Governorship of Florida in a landslide election 2 years ago, Mr. James has made sweeping changes to the State including controversial new laws like mandatory ownership of firearms, no gay marriages, and higher pay for politicians.

In an interview with the ABC shortly after taking office, Mr. James had this to say, "I want to express my love and gratitude to the citizens of Florida. Even though I was born and raised in Ohio, Miami will always be my true home. I hope I can do wonderful things for the people of Florida who have shown faith in the King".

Mr. James has also had many critics for the his role in the pardoning of convicted rapper Lil Wayne, who until recently, was sitting on death row at Florida State Prison. In a statement released by the Governor’s office shortly after the pardon was granted, Mr. James said “God put Lil Wayne on this earth to entertain the masses. Everyone makes mistakes, but I could not allow such a precious talent to go to waste, so I did what I believe is right, in granting this pardon”.

The billionaire business mogul owns banks, record labels, restaurant chains, hotels, an airline and of course the Miami Heat. His newest charity venture "The Chosen Ones" has awarded countless privileged Miami kids with scholarships to attend the best colleges across America.

So where will it stop for THE chosen one? He has at various stages in his career dabbled in acting, writing, music, dancing, boxing, mixed martial arts, theatre and now politics. In the summer of 2014, Mr. James underwent astronaut training at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, and declared to the world, "I want to be the first black man to set foot on Mars". So far this has not happened, but only a brave man or a fool would bet against anything Lebron James puts his mind to.

Recently, rumours have surfaced that Mr. James has his sights set on the biggest prize in the political landscape; the white house itself. While some would say this is ludicrous, most understand that Lebron James is a man who is used to getting what he wants, and if he truly had his sights set on the top job, then one wonders who could stop him?

Of course President Chael Sonnen (himself a former mixed martial arts superstar) is a very popular president who will no doubt run for a second term, and most political analysts believe that Mr. James would be bighting off more than he can chew by entering that particular arena.

No word has yet been released by the white house concerning the rumours, although they are picking up steam with every passing day. However, Lebron's business partner in Phat King Records, Jay Z, recently weighed in on the debate when posed the question at the MTV music awards, "If my boy wants the top job, then tell me who can stop him? I mean come on man, everything he touches turns to gold. He is a god in Florida, and doing wonderful things for that state. Imagine what he could do for the whole country!"

Since Sir Arnold Schwartzenegger succeeded Barack Obama as president in 2013, the door has been opened for many former actors and sports stars to enter the political ring as evidenced by the surprise election of Sonnen in 2021. So does the King have what it takes to lead the most powerful country in the world?

Only time will tell; but he would surely get my vote.

 

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