George Steinbrenner's 10 Funniest Seinfeld Moments
This morning, Major League Baseball lost a legend.
Following the death of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, everyone is going to have their own memories of the Boss.
Whether it was when he bought the Yankees for $10 million, his multiple fights with Billy Martin, or the construction of a baseball empire, Steinbrenner was one of the most iconic people in baseball history.
During Steinbrenner's ownership from 1973 to his death, the longest in club history, the Yankees earned 11 pennants and won seven World Series championships.
But besides for being responsible for building a dynasty, I will always remember Steinbrenner for his appearances on the greatest television show of all-time, Seinfeld.
His appearances were legendary, and his quotes were comical.
So in memory of The Boss, let's take a look at "George Steinbrenner's 10 Funniest Seinfeld Moments."
But before I begin, I must say thank you for everything. Baseball would never have been the same.
Need a Job...Take Advice From Costanza
"The Opposite," Season 5, Episode 22, May 19, 1994
The episode began when Costanza realized that every instinct he'd ever had turned out to be wrong.
"Goodbye, tuna on toast. Hello, chicken salad on rye ... UNTOASTED!"
He then introduces himself to fellow diner-goer Victoria with these famous words, "My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."
Through her uncle, Costanza obtained an interview with the Bronx Bombers.
In the initial interviewing stage, Costanza met with Mr. Cushman.
Costanza informs him of his previous firings for having sex in his office with the cleaning woman, and quitting over not being allowed to use his boss' private bathroom.
Cushman was so impressed, he then introduces Costanza's to the Boss, and although many of you might state that Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, and Joe Torre were the start of the Yankees dynasty, it was Costanza who was there first, and certainly deserves a place in Monument Park.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.
George: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past 20 years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduce them to a laughingstock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!
Mr. Steinbrenner: Hire this man!
(George tells Jerry he's employed by the Yankees)
Jerry: Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza?!
Costanza is certainly a Yankees legend.
Castro and Costanza
"The Race," Season 6, Episode 10, Dec. 15, 1994
George Costanza suddenly finds himself being sent to Havana to sign baseball players for the Yankees, as he discovers some bizarre parallels between Fidel Castro and Yankee owner George Steinbrenner.
So while meeting with Castro, he agrees to give players to the Yankees, after hearing about George "being a Communist."
George: You, uh, wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
Steinbrenner: Yes George, I did. Come in, come in. George, the word around the office is that you're a Communist.
George: C...Communist? I am a Yankee, sir, first and foremost.
Steinbrenner: You know George, it struck me today me that a Communist pipeline into the vast reservoir of Cuban baseball talent could be the greatest thing ever to happen to this organization.
Steinbrenner: You could be invaluable to this franchise. George,
there's a southpaw down there nobody's been able to get a look at;
something Rodriguez, I don't really know his name. You get yourself down to Havana right away.
George: Yes, sir. Yes sir, do my best.
Steinbrenner: Good, Merry Christmas George. And bring me back some of those cigars in the cedar boxes, you know the ones with the fancy rings? I love those fancy rings. They kind of distract you while you're smoking. The red and yellow are nice. It looks good against the brown of the cigar. The Maduro, I like the Maduro wrapper. The darker the better, that's what I say. Of course, the Claro's good too. That's more of a pale brown, almost like a milky coffee. (George exits) I find the ring size very confusing. They have it in centimeters which I don't really understand that well...
Thank you Fidel for giving us Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez.
"Billy Martin" Rant
"The Wink," Season 7, Episode 4, Oct. 12, 1995
The episode where Paul O'Neill became a Yankee legend, and Costanza gets promoted all because of a wink.
George: You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
Steinbrenner: Yes, George, please, come in, come in.
Steinbrenner: Thanks for the card. I loved it. Gosh it made me feel good. You know, word has it that you were the brains behind the whole thing.
George: Oh, no, not just me, the whole organization. Especially Mr. Morgan.
Steinbrenner: Morgan, Morgan, you know his name is conspicuously absent from this card. Almost like he went out of his way not to sign it.
George: Oh no, Morgan is a good man sir.
Steinbrenner: You can stop kowtowing to Morgan. Congratulations, you got his job.
George: Wa, uh, thank you sir, you know I am not quite sure I'm right for it.
Steinbrenner: Stop it George, he's out, you're in.
Steinbrenner: A lot more work you know.
George: I know.
Steinbrenner: A lot more responsibility. Long long hours.
George: I know.
Steinbrenner: Not much more money. But you'll finally get the recognition you deserve.
George: That's what I'm afraid of. You know Mr. Steinbrenner, . . .
Steinbrenner: You know as painful as it is I had to let a few people go over the years. Yogi Berra, Lou Pinella, Bucky Dent, Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Dick Houser, Bill Virdon, Billy Martin, Scott Marrow, Billy Martin, Bob Lemmon, Billy Martin, Gene Michael, Buck Showalter, … uh, tut!, . . .George, you didn't hear that from me. [George exits] . . . George!
Frank Costanza Is Upset, But It's Not Because His Son Is Dead
"The Caddy," Season 7, Episode 12, Jan. 26, 1996
While parking everyday next to George Steinbrenner, George Costanza locks his keys in his car at Yankee Stadium.
In the meantime, he's being considered for the position of assistant general manager, and it's not because he's been putting in the extra man hours, arriving first in the office, or being the last one to leave.
But rather, (Costanza explains), "Steinbrenner is like the first guy in, at the crack of dawn. He sees my car, he figures I'm the first guy in. Then, the last person to leave is Wilhelm. He sees my car, he figures I'm burning the midnight oil. Between the two of them, they think I'm working an 18-hour day."
So Costanza leaves town for a few days with his girlfriend, and remembers to call Jerry to clean the dashboard for Chinese take-out menus. Jerry arrives with Kramer, who manages to open the car door and drives the car to to the car wash to be cleaned. Along the way, distracted by a woman wearing only a bra (Sue Ellen Mischke), Jerry destroys the car. The car is returned to the Stadium, but it's clearly been in an accident.
Mr. Wilhelm, George's supervisor at the New York Yankees, reports the damaged car to Steinbrenner, who puts out a search for George. When Costanza continues to be missing, the worst is feared.
The Boss takes a trip to Queens (to Constanza's parents house), and gets engaged in a discussion that baseball fans will never forget:
Steinbrenner: Mrs. Costanza?
Steinbrenner: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad news about your son.
(Costanza living room)
Estelle: I can't believe it. He was so young. How could this have happened?
Steinbrenner: Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo.
Estelle: Are you sure you're talking about George?
Steinbrenner: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?
Frank: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm. You don't know what the hell you're doin'!
Steinbrenner: Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people loved Ken Phelps' bat. They kept saying "Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps."
Who the is hell is Ken Phelps?
Nothing Better Than Some Burnt Clothes
"The Calzone," Season 7, Episode 19, Apr. 25, 1996
While having lunch at work, George shares an eggplant calzone with Steinbrenner prompting the Boss to have Costanza to bring him a calzone for lunch everyday.
One day when George was picking up lunch at Pizano's, he throws his money into the tip jar, but the worker failed to notice. Costanza attempts to grab the money back when the Pizano calzone worker wasn't looking, but of course, as Costanza is trying to grab the money the guy turns around and accuses Costanza of stealing the money from the jar.
Afraid to return to the restaurant, Kramer goes on George's behalf to buy the calzones after Newman bailed on his commitment, having not tended to his postal duties that day due to rain.
Costanza: Why are you home? You're supposed to be out on your route, and getting my calzones for Steinbrenner.
Newman: Well, I saw that it's raining outside, so I called in sick. I don't work in the rain.
Costanza: But... you're a mailman! 'Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow... ' It's the first one!
Newman: I've never been much for credos.
Costanza: But I'm paying you!
Newman: Hey, thanks!
George learned the hard way, never to leave your Boss hungry.
Elvis Would've Been Jealous
"The Nap," Season 8, Episode 18, Apr. 10, 1997
If you're going to take a nap at work, don't get caught. Unfortunately for Costanza, he didn't have such luck.
While working for owner George Steinbrenner and his New York Yankees baseball team, George gets a carpenter, who has been working at Jerry's apartment making new cabinets, to do some modifications to his wooden office desk at work after he realizes that when he sneaks a nap under there he is unnoticed.
Until, Steinbrenner enters Costanza's office, and starts singing the blues.
Steinbrenner: Costanza? Where's Costanza? . . . Excuse mois? Have you seen Costanza?
Secretary: I've seen him around.
Steinbrenner: Um, I'm stuck on this song yesterday. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I don't know the name of that. "She's a heart breaker, love taker . . ..Oh. Oh" . . .very catchy. You know what? I can't stay awake for that guy. What is this? People? Um, the most beautiful people people. Ally Selica, Nothing wrong with that uh?
Not only was he an incredible owner, but who knew Steinbrenner could also sing.
Was He Really That Great of an Employee?
"The Millennium," Season 8, Episode 20, May 1, 1997
The cross town rival, New York Mets want to hire George Costanza as head of scouting, but they can't make him an offer while he's employed by the Yankees.
So Costanza does everything he can to get himself fired...
1) Wearing an authentic Babe Ruth jersey taken from the Yankees Hall of Pride display case, then cleaning his strawberry-stained hands on it. Unfortunately for George, Steinbrenner feels it's time to "tear down the past" and that Ruth was "nothing more than a fat old man, with little-girl legs."
2) "Streaking" through a Yankees-Orioles game in a flesh-colored bodysuit. Once again, unfortunately for George, the fans love him.
3) Tying a World Series trophy to the back of a car and dragging it around the Yankee Stadium parking lot, yelling, though a bullhorn: "Attention, Steinbrenner and front-office morons! Your triumphs mean nothing. You all stink. You can sit on it, and rotate! This is George Costanza. I fear no reprisal. Extension 5-1-7-0."
Jerry: How could they not fire you?
George: I never thought I'd fail at failing.
Jerry: Aw, come on there, now.
George: I feel like I can't do anything wrong
Everything George thought he was doing right, was actually right in the eyes of the greatest owner in all of sports.
George Steinbrenner's Cameo
"The Invitations," Season 7, Episode 22, May 16, 1996
Although none of the footage made it to air, the Boss did appear on Seinfeld, as his scenes involved him taking Elaine out to dinner in anticipation of escorting her to George's wedding.
Reports are that Steinbrenner disapproved of the horrific plot twist in which Susan (George's fiance) was killed. He publicly stated his objections to the story several times, and did not want this footage to be shown.
If it was only aired, what a cameo this would've been.
The Boss' Final Appearance on Seinfeld
"The Finale," Season 9, Episode 24, May 14, 1998
On May 14, a television era came to an end with the ending of Seinfeld.
But before we say goodbye to the era of the Boss, it was great to see Frank Costanza tell him off one more time.
[Witness: George Steinbrenner]
Hoyt: Call George Steinbrenner to the stand.
Bailiff: Call George Steinbrenner.
Hoyt: So George Costanza came to work for you in May of 1994?
Steinbrenner: Yes, that's right, he was good kid—a lovely boy. Shared his calzone with me—that was a heck of a sandwich, wasn't it, Georgie?
George: Yes, sir, that was a good sandwich, sir.
Steinbrenner: He had one little problem though.
Hoyt: What was that?
Steinbrenner: He was a communist. Thick as they come. Like a big juicy steak.
Frank: How could you give twelve million dollars to Hideki Irabu?!
Frank, I couldn't agree with you more.
This One's For The Boss
Without Steinbrenner, the Yankees would never have been the Yankees.
Without Steinbrenner, Seinfeld would have never been Seinfeld.
He allowed Costanza to switch to cotton uniforms, assuring manager Buck Showalter that the Bombers would be "five degrees cooler than the other team."
And according players such as "Wade Boggs: 'What a fabric! Finally we can breathe.' Luis Polonia: 'Cotton is king.' Paul O'Neill: 'I never dreamed anything could be so soft and fluffy.'"
But after Don Mattingly split his pants, maybe the idea wasn't such a good idea after all.
He allowed Costanza to give hitting tips to Bernie Williams and Derek Jeter, and allowed Costanza to show Houston Astro's management how to party like New Yorkers.
Steinbrenner took a chance on Costanza and it paid off. But most importantly, he took a chance on the New York Yankees and turned them into an empire.
Although the Yankees will never be the same without the presence of Steinbrenner around, they will certainly continue to win.
And for the second year in a row, championship number 28 is going to be dedicated to the Boss.
Trust me on this one.