Television has shared an important role in mankind’s short modern history as a unique window of perception, sometimes distorted and other times enlightening.
As part of a particular group of notable inventions, post-industrial revolution, the television has been there for man during his most trying and triumphing moments throughout the last century—Vietnam, the moon landing, and President Obama, to name a few.
Before TV’s and SportsCenter, man has relied on dogs for entertainment and loyalty. Now man’s best friend is facing stiff competition during these technologically advanced days of HDTV, Blu-Ray movies, and high resolution video games.
The cuddly domesticated beasts are up against possibly the mother of all influential inventions.
How did the television become such a dominant entertainment force, a black hole sucking the motivation and leisure time from average Americans like a cartoon marathon does to a stoner?
That loaded (sure, pun intended) question has many convoluted theories, but let’s take a quick and painless peek at the historical timeline of TV to see how it progressed to its ultimate mind-numbing medium: reality shows.
In the 1880’s, Paul Nipkow, a German colleague student, patented the first electromechanical television. By the 1930’s, television was introduced, in a practical sense, to much of the western world—regular broadcasting programs were in circulation by 1929 in Germany.
The rest is history, really: Leave It to Beaver, The Honeymooners, The Beverly Hillbillies, Gilligan’s Island, All in the Family, Diff'rent Strokes, The Jeffersons, Cheers, Seinfeld, Frasier, Friends….
Toward the end of the 1990s, programming took a turn for the worse. The conventional sitcom had been swallowed up by the world’s biggest douche bags being filmed as they aimlessly wandered around in an “unscripted” reality.
The demented social experiments were a huge hit in mainstream America; viewers eating up anything from “reality” game shows to "Survivor" series.
The quality ratio is far from great today, but there has been a noticeable improvement in reality shows throughout the years.
Not all reality TV is unbearable to watch. Occasionally, viewers come across very educational and meaningful shows that offer an exclusive look into worlds otherwise untouchable.
Now that reality programming is a force to be reckoned with, just about every cable genre was been affected—sports included.
What extroverted or introverted mixed martial artists would we like to see dissected outside the cage in a revealing or extreme reality show? How about an anti-reality show hero, an antagonist with anger issues?
Can you imagine a hung-over Chuck Liddell sitting through a taping of The Hills? In every episode, the Iceman KO’s Brody for every day he wears flannel.
I know, I know…we’ll get Cyborg to take care of the “um, like” drama queens on the show.
Let’s see who would shake things up in the reality realm.
There are so many examples floating around on the internet of Rampage being...well Rampage.
Of those moments, many would cause people to "pity the fool" for being caught on video doing some questionable things outside the octagon.
If this wild card isn't dry humping a CagePotato's trophy reporter or interviewing cracked-out women of the night in the middle of some random ghetto, he's frantically evading police in his mini monster truck that has a huge decal of himself on the side: a dead giveaway.
Actually he's notorious for dry humping female reporters, whether state side or in Japan.
Rampage would be the show's unpredictable jester, fueling the action with crazy antics that would gather a huge following in little to no time.
Brock Lesnar is an arctic country boy with a crew cut who lives in the backwoods of South Dakota that likes to gear up in camouflage and hunt.
Somebody get Don King involved and let's set up some matches between Brock and the wildlife.
Brock "Polar Bear" Lesnar could wrestle Division II grizzly bears in his backyard tundra.
Better yet, the show could revolve around Brock waking up hibernating bears in the middle of winter.
Who wouldn't want to follow that Care Bear party? It's probably not even Halloween, just a normal night out on the town for Lawlor and "filthy" Co.
Lawlor is by far the most eccentric fighter on the UFC roster. Everybody remembers his UFC walkout when he literally walked Seth Petruzelli, who was on all fours, by a leash.
In fact, Google has revealed a handful of homo-erotic pics and videos of this dynamic duo expressing their bromance in very unusual ways.
Screw it, I want in the Care Bear gang and so would everyone else if he had his own Jackass meets Monty Python meets the Real World (what season are they on now, 87, Gary, Ind.?) reality show.
Yes, the females are going to be represented, too. Would the world finally find out if she pees sitting or standing if there were cameras on her constantly?
Maybe she forgets and "accidentally" rocks a urinal in one of the episode, confirming what some might suspect.
Plus, in her show, there would be a running tally of how many dudes she whoops in the gym. There would be a new guy getting choked up and knocked out by the Brazilian Bomber.
Cyborg, be lady-like and don't let any sex tapes with husband Evangelista leak onto the Internet...ever, never ever. I don't want to hate myself for accidentally finding it and accidentally watching it.
"Stockton Baby!" starring Nick and Nate Diaz, bonafide Cali bad-asses. Nate's reality show would include brawling, smoking, and fighting.
Between him and his older brother and Strikeforce welterweight champion, Nick Diaz, the show would have to be aired on Showtime so the episodes would be more than an hour-long S.O.S message.
"Yeah, blip! I'll blip your blipping blip mutha-blipper. You think this is a blippin' game, blip? This goes out to my blippin' fans. I'd like to thank my blippin' trainers, blippin' Stockton, and blippin' god. It's blippin' 4.20 blip, I'm out, peace."
Of course, I'm just hypothetically paraphrasing, but I imagine it would go something like that.
Forrest is a very humorous guy, in a very self-deprecating way. Nobody likes making fun of Forrest Griffin more than Forrest Griffin.
The entirety of the show would include fireside chats with the former light-heavyweight champ, discussing life and solving the world's problems.
Maybe he could just read passages from either of his two best-selling books while smoking a pipe.
Pierce nipples, check. Big gaudy necklace, check. Crown and cape, check. Hilariously urban catch-phrases and one-liners, double check.
A classic King Mo moment was when he was describing Rampage Jackson as "b*tch-made" during a fighter profile video for FightersKO.com. Don't worry; it's on YouTube.
He might be Strikeforce's new light-heavyweight champ, but that won't stop him from fighting at "moneyweight" in the future.
This successful mixed martial artist flaunts a mullet and has a Tank Abbott physique, wins the Ultimate Fighter season 10, and rewards himself with Twinkies during workouts.
That is a perfect combination for a show, plus he has already been on one.
Could Big Country take down a quad-stack whopper from Burger King in five minutes? How much worse are body-shots with no abs after eating two Hungry Man frozen dinners?
These are the mysteries that could be solved if Big Country had his own reality show.
Between Twitter and the video posts, Tito Ortiz' saga is tailor-made for a dysfunctional reality show. He's also a classic trash-talker, who starts beef with a new person every month.
This mixture is bound to provide ample amounts of entertaining tirades and rants.
Everybody loves watching a Hollywood marriage spiral out of control on national television. Tito and Jenna's match made in heaven is a perfect fit.
With his fighting career in limbo, The Huntington Beach Bad Boy might want to seriously consider a move into reality TV. Tito, call me.
His reality TV qualifications would be considered for two reasons: red speedos and butchered subtitles.
"I hug MMA with all my hard. Flighting like Samurai is my most careful goalie."
Deciphering Japanese into inaccurate English subtitles is a humorous journey on its own.
Of course the show would be transformed into Anime, being a revolutionary hit with Emmys in its future.