LeBron Bachelor 2010: He's Only Gonna Break, Break, Break, Many Hearts.
In the biggest press conference in possibly ever LeBron James, "The King," will announce where his new palace will be and where he's going to play basketball for upcoming seasons. The choices (or roses) have come down to in many people mind's Chicago, New York, Cleveland, and Miami.
So let's have some fun and make this a Bachelor article; your bachelor is LeBron James, there are four destinations left, and we make a quick case for each of them.
Big city, bright lights—we will throw the world at you. You can have an "empire state of mind," LeBron! Spike Lee will be at every game, restaurants will cater to you, your endorsements will go up, you will make a ton of money off of incentives; and besides, Patrick Ewing didn't win a ring, can you? Not to mention we the Knicks just signed explosive power forward Amar'e Stoudemire, so we you got your sidekick. Another note: Coach Geno from UConn just offered you four tickets to every UConn women's home game!
Michael Jordan. Can you fill his shoes LeBron? Well some of us here won't even ask you to play that big of a role like Michael did. We've got a city that loves its sports: Cubs, White Sox, Fire, Bears, Blackhawks and DAAA Bulls. Come on LeBron, you can play with D-Rose who is an All-Star, Joakim Noah who could be an all-star, Luol Deng (he went to Duke!) and we just signed Carlos Boozer for you—and he took less money so we can offer you a full max contract! So what do think, LeBron, can you fill MJ's shoes and bring Chicago back?
LeBron, we have nothing else to say to you. You're from here. We even made a song for you called "We Are LeBron" (their twist to "We Are The World," you can find it on YouTube). LeBron without you we have to stick to a Cavs team with no superstar, and then the fans will have the Browns and Indians. Don't forget, the Browns want you here too! As we've said in our song: "Please stay LeBron, we really need you." So LeBron, please, will you stay? Plus you make an extra $30 million here.
Two names: Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. We've already agreed to get them to come here—you like them don't you? They are your friends...right? Come on, LeBron, you can turn the Heat into Team USA our fans will spill in, tickets will sell like crazy. There's no sales tax down here! Well, if you join the team we can have five players under contract so we would have a starting five—but hey, no worries the league will let us exceed the cap and we can sign veterans. That's what you want right? Veterans? Well Wade and Bosh are here, you can be the next star to align on South Beach. Speaking of beaches, imagine the women and parties—LeBron you're only 25. Come to South Beach!
So there you have it, LeBron, I just presented every city's case to you (per no sources except for Coach Geno I heard that on ESPNEWS as I typed this up). But my feeling is LeBron will have many haters from the cities he decides against, and many lovers from the city he chooses. Just remember, LeBron, you're from Cleveland—you wouldn't want to be known as "The Villain."
"The Decision" airs live tonight on ESPN July 8th, 2010 9PM EST. So how many hearts will you break?
Question asked, answers coming very soon. The Bachelor 2010 starring: LeBron James.
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